Obsessed!!

Eve I know several friends who love having their adult offspring at home, especially when they have lots of room like your folks. I think as long as everyone gets along well and respects boundaries it can be positive (intergenerational living projects are a an example of this).

Have everything crossed for you in your job search, I know how hard you have been working forward towards this.

In terms of your 'obsessing' about your ex, it may be that you are prone to rumination generally? (rather than OCD) This is a pattern I also struggle with, it can be very self destructive.

Hi Sprout! Thanks! I actually don't think my parents mind all that much but they want to see me independent again as much as I do. For my own sake.

And you hit the nail on the head!!! I DO ruminate and always have! All of my life! I've always been this way..... TY for clarifying this for me, because it's been driving me crazy!!

It's a really common pattern, and it's almost like our thinking processes go into overdrive, trying to find a solution but of course it rarely does and can throw us into more negativity.

I found this:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...and-depression

Maybe you will find something helpful in this article, I did, although sticking to the good practices is a challenge for me.

Aw, thanks so much Sprout!! I will read the article.

I completely understand how you feel. Right now he has all the power over you because of how you are feeling. Perhaps you could think about a way to release your anger and frustration in a positive way venting is good way. What about art? Or a song that you like to listen to that describe your feeling?

great advice. i wish that i had thought about that myself.

I felt the same way. I realized that I was angry at myself more than i was at my ex boyfriend who had broken my heart. Because i had allowed him to hurt me.

thanks! Though I have tried everything.

I'm more focused on him than on me and my feelings towards him. Though I understand being angry at yourself too, which I have been as well.

Ok. I did it! I posted on my other forum about my new relationship. My ex can see this. I have been holding off with the thought that I may hear from my ex first. So I did the preemptive strike and posted about my new man. I feel soooo much better!! I WANT him to know I am moving on and am happy in a new relationship.

And PLEASE, whatever you say, please don't chastise me for this or reprimand me. I needed to do this for myself and for my self esteem. The bastard cheated on me.

Honestly, I think I would do the same. At the end of the day we're only humans.
My ex knows as well about my new/old relationship and I hope he's miserable about it
The truth is I don't mean anything actual mean and bad, I just want him to feel like I was. At least a bit.
But most of all, I'm truly enjoying with my new/old bf and I know that should be the only thing that matters. And I know I'm slowly getting there!

But as I said, we're only humans and it's perfectly normal to feel this way

Alice, thank you! I really appreciate your understanding. I feel the same way -- I want him to feel a little of what I felt though I am not a mean person at heart. How did your ex find out you are dating your other ex again? Did you tell him this?

I didn't actually had much choice. As T's ex girlfriend had her hysterical episode she was threatening me she'll tell J everything, like we're making a fool of him etc. Mind you there was nothing to say at the time.. too complicated
I just wanted to prepare him for possible funny messages from this woman so yes, I told him. And he was okay with that. He even made a joke about this.
But couple of days later I've got a parcel. He posted me all my things I left at his place. Even though I've told him I only want one of my handbags back and a pair of trainers. But he posted literally everything. Even half-empty shampoo, broken hairbrush and one tampon

Wow. A tampon even. lol. Kind of funny.

Thing is, for me, I had hoped I would hear from him like psychics have told him I will. They all said he would try to get back together with me, and around the holidays. Well, I never heard from him, I got impatient so I made the strike. Now I'm going to lose the chance to ignore him if he were to contact me because I know for certain he won't contact me now. I did want that chance to reject him, but at the same time, I got tired of waiting to hear from him. And yes, I've admitted before that I know how immature this is. Guess I have some immaturity in me.

When you forget about him, and don’t want him anymore, that’s when he will contact you to try to get you back. That’s how it always is... ha! The laws of the Universe?

Hi Tisha, ain't that the truth! LOL. Although I am 100% convinced that he now will not contact me whatsoever. He will know I am with someone else soon enough once he gets on that forum and sees my post. If it were me in his shoes, that would be a huge deterrent to trying again.

The other thing is, everyone here has told me that the best revenge is to be happy and move on. So, I am happy, I am moving on, and soon enough he will see this. Now perhaps I can finally let this go and be satisfied. I hope!!!! I pray!!!! I WANT to let this go sooooo badly. I need to be able to move on.

I think we all have a tiny inner child inside
Uhhh psychics.. I guess they have given you a bit of hope but you know him better than them. Trust yourself

And Trish is right. They usually contact you when you don't give a fork anymore. But I see that as a good thing. Don't want to be tempted to come back to him ever.
It's funny how I can see clearly now from the distance. Only now I can see the bits of him which I dislike. And it feels kind of refreshing
I'm even feeling silly for saying all those lies to myself back then. He is spending his days in his studio, writing music I never even liked, but I used to pretend I do. Some gigs once in a blue moon and getting high constantly. Not really the life I want to myself

I think you're doing great actually. And it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. You're saying as it is, you're not in denial. You had a history with him, this feelings can't just dissappear over the night but they will. You can't force it, but I think you've noticed how he's fading. And he will continue to fade, trust me!

I will never be tempted to go back to him --- and I have not been this whole time. That's one thing I know for certain.

That's great you now see that you really don't mesh with your ex all that well. I am seeing this now too, with my own situation. SO many things that we don't match up with.... so many. Amazing how distance really does give greater perspective. Thank goodness, right?!?

TY for saying this!!! Your supportive words mean the world to me right now. You're right -- feelings cannot disappear overnight or that quickly. And when someone hurts you deeply, it's that much harder to move on. This guy did hurt me very badly and it has taken two months to work through it, but he IS fading, as you said, and it IS getting better slowly but surely. Inch by inch, day by day....

I am happy to report that I feel really good about how I have handled things with my ex since our breakup.

I blocked him right away, I did not feed into the drama given his last nasty and mean emails to me, I simply just blocked him instead, I did not chase him after we broke up and maintained a NO CONTACT rule for myself, then I started dating pretty quickly and found a GREAT guy pretty fast, and now I've posted about my new relationship on that other forum where my ex is, showing how happy and pleased I am. I think I've gotten my revenge now. Perhaps now I can be at peace. At least I hope so.... it's a little too soon to say yet. But I finally feel some relief after two full months of this need for revenge. I feel like I've done what I can to stand up for my self-respect. and to preserve it. So I feel good!

It's a process, it will happen (the closure).

I married young so not many ex's, but I was kind of obsessed with a guy who was in no way good for or to me before I met my husband. I was in a self destructive pattern at that time. At the time I thought my life would never be okay because he rejected me. I remember seeing him across a bar with his friends (me with mine) the whole time I was thinking was he looking at me, did he regret treating me badly, I wasn't really fully present with the people I was with because my thoughts were about him - I wanted him to feel bad that night, just as I had. I thought about that when I read about your need for him to see your post. It might or might not be similar to what you were feeling.

Years later I saw him in a supermarket, I was with my husband, our little boy was sitting up in the trolley. He looked from me to the baby to my husband then back again, and his jaw just about hit the floor, he didn't even say hello or acknowledge me other than gawping. All I felt in that moment was amused by the silly expression on his face, this was years later (5) I no longer had any emotional feeling for him.

You will eventually not care either way what he thinks, your feelings will naturally be concerned with other people and he will cease to have any relevance to your life other than a memory not to let anyone use you again.

Sprout, thank you for your personal story & encouragement -- it helps!

I know that in time he will fall by the wayside, and when I'm in love with someone else, I will not think back on this nightmare. It will all be far behind me. Unfortunately, time is what it takes.... time, time, and more time behind me and greater distance. Two months is not that long..... I am hoping in one more month I will feel SO much better. I already do feel relieved now that I've posted about my current bf. I feel like it's the final nail in the coffin letting him know I've moved on from him.

Just curious about how your new relationship guy feels about what you posted? Especially since it's about him too? Just wondering