Obsessed!!

I completely understand my last car accident I really to verbally abuse some ninety five year old because how bad she had hurt me. I really believe she had tried to do a hit an run. Our car had stop her from going any further. That when she was injured. But I never knew what had ever happen to her and I wish that I had found out how she was doing. I never been so angry at someone.

Yeah, it's maddening when someone does a hit and run, or even tries to. I was very angry myself. Too bad that woman got hurt!

Sprout, you're probably 100% right here. He has not shown the maturity. It probably would make more trouble for me.

Hmmmm Hit & run.....makes you feel again exactly how you felt when that ex hit & ran from you. Brings up same helpless feeling that you cant really get even or have closure on what happened in either situation.....but you are still thinking thatvyou can at least give yiur ex a piece of your mind about what he did where you cant with the driver.

THE PROBLEM is that you are wasting yoyr breath on your ex because he has made up his mind how he is going to see what he did. He is NOT mentally or emotionally capable of even comprehending what you have to tell him.

Just like with my H, their minds do not think like normal people for whatever reason & trying to resolve anything with them like you would a normal perdon is abwaste of time & energy & eill bring back even more anger & frustration than you already have felt dealing with them.

Some resolutions come best by just walking away. Neither of these situations provide any good way of personal resolution for what happened. Best to accept that & get on with life.

Sorry about your accident.

I see no point in confronting him. You focus too much on things he said (and in general on things people say). Just because people say things it doesn’t mean they mean it or that they are true. Just because you’ll confront him asking why he said you are this or that it doesn’t mean all of a sudden you’ll have closure. You have no control over what others do and say. You can only control yourself.

He is a loser and you confronting him not going to change that. In fact it might stroke his ego, he’d think you are still not over him as you can’t move on.

The best closure is to turn a new page and live a better life and choose better boyfriends. Confronting him will accomplish nothing. He knows he is *****. It’s not like it would be a major revelation to him. He is probably telling his sob stories to other vulnerable women so he can exploit them. Don’t waste your time

Thank you for your reply! That's an interesting correlation you make between the hit and run and the situation with my ex!

I know that you are probably right!

this hit home:

"He is NOT mentally or emotionally capable of even comprehending what you have to tell him.

Just like with my H, their minds do not think like normal people for whatever reason & trying to resolve anything with them like you would a normal perdon is abwaste of time & energy & eill bring back even more anger & frustration than you already have felt dealing with them."

YES.

Perhaps simply walking away really IS best. Hugs.

Thanks, Divine, for your reply as well!

I hadn't thought of that -- that it may indicate I am not over him and it may stroke his ego IF I do respond, even if it's negative.

I really like this part of what you said:

"The best closure is to turn a new page and live a better life and choose better boyfriends."

YES. I believe you are 100% correct.

Thank you.

“Living well is the best revenge”.

Following this thread a little, Golden Eve. I'm pretty much just gonna reiterate what everyone else said here. I think you are getting really great advice. It sounds like your ex is not emotionally capable of being mature, apologetic, or taking responsibility for his part. I really like what Prefab, Divine, and EskieLover said. Yes, I think that possibly, by going back and telling him what you really think of him, it *could* stroke his ego. He could be like, well well, she's not over me. Or he could just be happy in some twisted way, that he caused you pain. I don't know. Do you think he'd be that way?

What I do know is this: relationships and breakups can leave scars. Big ones. Gashes, even. I have some too. Anytime someone hurts us in a profound way, it really...makes a mark. I think thats what is supposed to happen. And you're not abnormal in...feeling that. You're also not abnormal in wanting it (the pain), to go away. It will go away. I just don't know if talking to him, yelling at him, or trying to hurt him back, is the way to go about it because 1.) he could end up hurting you all over again, and 2.) You may have mixed feelings about this because maybe there's be a certain way you'd say it, but do you really want to act the way he has acted towards you? I think you're better than that, and really, he doesn't deserve you or your words. I think your car being hit really may have triggered you to start thinking about this, and it makes sense. Someone hurt you (your car), didn't take responsibility for it, caused you grief. It is totally normal to be hurt and pissed after something like this (hurtful break up, being triggered, etc).

I think you should take care of yourself. First and foremost. Write it out. Write it here, journal it, when you're pissed. One thing I have done before, when obsessing about the deep pain someone caused me, is to give myself a set time everyday to focus on it. (I gave myself 30 minutes a day, and a specific a time, too). Its something I played around with. Just an idea.

I really think, living your best life, is what would be the best closure, too. It doesn't mean you're gonna feel sunshiney 100% of the time, all the time. But thats no one. That guy, your ex, sounds like a loser, and he doesn't deserve your time of day. Experiment with self care This could be really good. It sounds like you're dating other people and having a fun time with that, too, and I think that's great.

This REALLY IS TRUE, isn't it? I need to full absorb that and live it!!!! TY!

Starry, thank you so very much for your detailed, thoughtful reply!

I really appreciate everyone's input and guidance SO MUCH. It is really helping!!!

You've also hit the nail on the head. NO, I don't think he would respond in a mature, adult like manner OR take responsibility. I don't want to stoop to his level at all either by calling him names or getting nasty. My plan was to simply call him out on his lies and BS very factually and matter of fact.

BUT, now given everyone's input, including your own wise, sage advice, I am thinking twice on this and once again, am thinking that NO reply is the best reply.

AND self care, as you've so wisely pointed out. My therapist would agree with you on that as well.

He really IS a loser, and I don't even need to point this out to him indirectly in any fashion. Karma will prob bite him in the butt, too, I would imagine, as it always does.

I will try to just move forward, live my life and be happy... in fact, I AM pretty happy! Except for today, given that awful accident. TY again!

Big hugs to you, Golden Eve.

aw, thanks!! Right back at ya!!!

This is going to be kind of like a journal entry, but I need to get this out....

I am worried/scared about falling in love again, and wonder if I can give my heart and trust to someone again.

My ex ruined everything. He lied, he cheated, he ruined all my trust and faith in him. He shattered everything in our relationship, and I had given him my FULL heart, faith and trust.

I wanted to spend my life with him, or so I had thought at one point. But then while living together, it turned into a very stressful disaster and I learned that in fact, he is a total trainwreck.

He's a totally irresponsible, immoral slacker who would not work hard enough to obtain work while I paid for everything, plus an extreme abusive alcoholic to boot. He downloaded illegal movies on my internet account. There were many more instances that indicated his lack of morals, but he has no real morals, and I do. We were not a good match in the end. And then of course, he hurt me very badly in end, too, and was verbally abusive to me. And I played "mom" to a child.

But I am now afraid of love... I am afraid of being hurt or rejected.

My new guy... well, I cannot be certain, but last night I felt like he was trying to seduce me into love.... or it could be into bed, but he's already gotten that from me already.... so I suspect it's that he's trying to seduce me into falling in love with him. He had that look in his eye.. he looks at me in a certain way that indicates this. A deep look....

And now I am scared.

I cried this morning about my ex. I am still not fully past it, mainly because I thought I had found the person I wanted to marry. It hurts to have broken an engagement. It hurts to have lost what i thought I had... a lifelong partnership, something that I really value and want very much in my life.

Now some (or even many) will say I am not ready for a relationship yet because of this, but I am dating and am having fun right now. We are not serious or committed yet. It's only been one month of dating.

I just worry about falling in love. I am going to keep my emotions in check and will take that part slowly.... I think he is, too. We're both being cautious.

But that look he gave me last night..... made me scared and afraid. I had to look away. I think I even looked down at the floor.

We are good together though, I really like and want to see where this leads. I am not going to back out simply because I'm scared or because I still have emotions over breaking my engagement.

I guess I just wish I hadn't been SO hurt in the end. I did not need that.

Who does?

Love can be cruel. It can leave scars and wounds. But I love to love. I am a Libra after all and that is our trademark.

Thank you for listening, if you've read this.

I don’t understand how can one seduce you into love?

What you can try is not to love the fantasy or love the feeling of excitement but love a person for human qualities they possessed. You wanted to marry that other man because you fell something. Whatever that something was wasn’t based in reality. Why would you want to marry someone who drinks does drugs doesn’t work and steal from you? That’s the last person you should get engaged to. Clearly desire to marry that unsuitable partner wasn’t based on reality.

Try not to base your feelings for this man on chemistry or how he looks at you but rather on what kind of person he is?

Listen, we all love to love. Not just Libras. Lol I’ve never even heard that love is Libras trademark. In fact people born in all 12 months love to love. It’s everyone’s trademark. Don’t put too much trust into “I do this because that’s who I am”. Use logic. We all love to love. You can fall in love with wrong person of course like many others, but use logic not to end up entangled with wrong people. Figure out who the person is before making big decisions

You cannot stop love but you can stop yourself from making big choices such as moving in with them or spending money on them or marrying them before you know for sure if they are suitable partners etc

Thanks, Divine. I can always count on you to be brutally honest and upfront!! I appreciate and respect your perspective.

I guess I was in love the fantasy with regards to my ex. Of course I wouldn't marry him now, or even want someone remotely like him. He was wrong for me in every way.

As far as the new guy, I could not figure out what this deep look was about, but my gut was that it was a look of seduction of sorts. Maybe I am off-based, but I think when someone wants you to fall for them, it can be a seduction. It was just my gut feeling. I told him that I fall in love easily, and that if we slept together, I may fall for him.. he knows this already. I was a bit tipsy when I told him that, LOL.

I will get to know his character and him as a person before deciding whether is worthy of my heart and trust. I will not just base this one on chemistry. I want to know his character and his heart. Is he a good person? Can he be supportive? Does he have strong morals and a strong character? Is he reliable? Etc.

As far as Libras go, it is said in our profile that Libras prefer to be in relationships. That Libras love to love:

"Libra governs partnerships, relationships and close associations..... ruled by Venus, the goddess of love and beauty... the Libra is a hopeless romantic who loves being in love."

I feel that is true for me. I know we all love to love and that is most certainly not unique to me or Libras, but I do prefer to be in a relationship and am a true love bug. I fall in love easily.

Ah Eve who doesn't love being in love? I'm no Libra but I do.

Trust yourself, not some atrologist. You are an astute woman, you just need to believe in yourself more.

Great advice from Divine, you can love him but you don't have to lose all judgement, keep your wits about you but enjoy these sweet moments.

Being in love is the best feeling in the world.

And thanks, Sprout. I will..... I will listen to my own gut. and will trust myself more.

I will not lose all judgement. My therapist is working with me now on combining my head and my heart when it comes to love, and not just leading with my emotions and heart, as I've usually done. that's where I've gone drastically wrong in the past! I don't want to repeat my mistakes. they were bad mistakes.

Hugs.

You crack me up about your astrology thing. I am not libra, neither is anyone in my family or actually anyone I know as I don’t even know when Libras are born. Lol but we all prefer to be in Relationships and want to love. Most astrology profiles say the same thing with variations, pretty much everyone could be fitted into any of those profiles . Is this the same as your devotion to psychics?. Hahaha just teasing you

You don’t easily fall in love because you are Libra.

Usually people look at you with this look because they like you/love you/care for you/attracted to you. My husband looks at me like that but he certainly isn’t trying to seduce me to love him. Haha

The guy likes you hence he looks at you this way.

Hehehehehe! You got me there. Yeah, I have my quirks. Psychics, astrology...I've even dabbled with Tarot cards. It's ok, you can tease me.

That's a good point about the look. Maybe he just really likes me. Which is nice!

Yes, I think Divine is bang on about 'the look', in your posts you come across as a very engaging lively person and I'm not surprised he can't take his eyes off you (to quote Andy Williams!)

That is great you are working with your therapist about heart/head - I lead with my emotions too, I know what that feels like. You are doing great, just posting about that process here will help reinforce that work.

Aww, thank you, Sprout. That's a very sweet thing to say!

Yes.. posting and reinforcement of this concept helps a lot! TY.

Another journal-like entry:

I fell SO hard for my ex and SO fast.

I thought he was a good-hearted, GOOD, decent, kind person initially. He wrote on this other forum about people who were suffering and how it broke his heart. He supported me through my breakup, he lifted me up and helped to empower me to leave and to feel better.

Then he turned out to NOT be a good person AT ALL. Not whatsoever, as we all know and as I have detailed to all of you.

I don't know how I fell in love with him SO hard and SO fast. We related on many different levels very quickly, and we related on deeper levels. We talked on the phone until I went to sleep. We would talk for long periods of time on the phone when we first met.

Love should be slower to develop, yes? True love takes time, right? You have to really get to know a person IN FULL, ALL sides of them, right? And that takes time, right?

I wonder.. maybe I wasn't fully in love with my ex. I don't know now. It sure felt like true love in the beginning.

And I say all of this, without fully knowing. It IS possible to fall in love quickly, I think. But maybe true, lasting love is slower to develop to fruition. Just pondering.

How long did you know him Eve? The first year or two is usually a bit 'honeymoon' phase.

One year.