Selfish MEN! - Grrrrrrrrrrr

I am sorry if I disagree with the original statement. all or most men are selfish. while I do agree some are but to say most are is not true.

as far as the statistics go in north america I think the poster is referring to abuse and that is different than selfish.

I have had my share of selfish men in my life as well so please don't slam me here.

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bebop said:
I have had my share of selfish men in my life as well so please don't slam me here.

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Bebop....... If you know me at all after two years of being a member on here, you know that I do not slam another for merely sharing their POV on any given subject.

And while the research may be about a different kind of subject (abuse) it still shows that males are individual-oriented which leaves them coming off as being selfish..... for they tend to think about themselves before they do others.
Maybe that is where the abuse comes from..... thinking of them self before they think of the person they sexually or physically abuse?

Which BTW - is what I am been trying say......... a mans DNA leaves him acting SELFISH - being seen as SELFISH.
so maybe it more of that males appear to be selfish on the surface for they seem self serving (that which we see and live with) and yet I do believe men have with in them a more caring, loving and giving nature - that which lies beneath.

This thread has sooo much heat, it's warming my whole room.

I've met horrid men and horrid women. When I do, I excuse myself and shut the door on them. I work hard to fill my life with good people. And this has not left without men in my life.

It takes effort to enforce my rule - "does this person improve and decrease my self-esteem?". If they make me feel crappy, out they go. Doesn't matter if this person is friend, or family.

In my almost 50 years on this planet, I honestly can't say that I've found any more men to be jerks than women. When I've had a bad day at work, the first person I call is a male friend. He's a good listener and he enjoys being there for his friends.

Anger is perfectly healthy emotion, and it's good to express it. But it can also be a dangerous emotion which can inflict pain on others, so IMO it needs to be expressed cautiously.

I guess if this thread said "My husband/boyfreind/brother" is such a selfish pig! Listen to what he did!!!!" this whole thread would have taken a different turn.

I'm truly sorry people have hurt you. Emotional pain can be so overwhelming. I hope you find peace soon.

Campy

yes i can see how dictator "experiments" are applicable to the rest of the us. After all dont we all oppress everyone we come in contact with. You say that you dont bash others who have different point of views but then proceed to categorize anyone who disagrees with you as being a child. Sorry if you are having problems or experiences with one man or even many men than yes you should get support, but when you cross the line into categorizing all men or most men as being selfish, then that just becomes hateful ranting. If you werent serious it would be laughable. You go on and hate whoever you want and categorize whoever you want, im sure you will get all the support you need from like minded people. One thing this thread has done is to have me appreciate many of the other women here at PC, who are not afraid to disagree with this group think hateful blame game.

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Campanula said:
This thread has sooo much heat, it's warming my whole room.

"does this person improve and decrease my self-esteem?". If they make me feel crappy, out they go. Doesn't matter if this person is friend, or family.

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Yes, and I agree and this time it happens to be SELFISH MEN that we are talking about - that need to go..... and if you (any one reading this) are not a selfish man then you should stick around and not let this thread offend you.


I am sorry, but I so not see the HEAT every one is talking about..... what I see are some women talking about the "selfish men" in their life and in this world, but nothing else.

What I do see (from my pov) is that most of the heat coming from those in defense of some thing that did not need defending..... for once again the topic was "Selfish Men" and not that of "Men that are not Selfish" or "Selfless Men" - maybe we if we all stayed on the subject at hand then matters could flow as they need / should have.

And while I did not post my words as many feel that I should have - I did state in my first post that this was about ME and HOW I was feeling and that I did not want or need any HATE replies...... so see I did say what others are wanting / demanding from me - just in my own words.

P.S.
I am not mad or angry at YOU - just expressing my feelings. (its all good)

Ya Ya -
Any ways...... let's try and get back to the subject at hand.

for the ladies (and men) that are trying to help me from my side of the fence. How do you suggest that I deal with these selfish men that I have evolvement with - or that I come in contact with through out the week?

The link / study you posted rhapsody is nearly 10 years old, anything more current?

It is also based on economics, not DNA or genetics.

http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=001...OR-enlargePage

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heyjoe said:
yes i can see how dictator "experiments" are applicable to the rest of the us. After all dont we all oppress everyone we come in contact with. You say that you dont bash others who have different point of views but then proceed to categorize anyone who disagrees with you as being a child. Sorry if you are having problems or experiences with one man or even many men than yes you should get support, but when you cross the line into categorizing all men or most men as being selfish, then that just becomes hateful ranting. If you werent serious it would be laughable. You go on and hate whoever you want and categorize whoever you want, im sure you will get all the support you need from like minded people. One thing this thread has done is to have me appreciate many of the other women here at PC, who are not afraid to disagree with this group think hateful blame game.

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Joe..... I am sorry that you have chosen to take this thread as a personal attack against ALL MEN or that I did not us the word "A Lot of Men" in every reply I posted... for I do know that some men (probably 50% to 50%) give or take a few either way are not selfish in all they do or within the relationships they hold with others.

And please know that I could not have said what I thinking or feeling any better that what I expressed in my original post concerning "Selfish Men" and "Selfish Men Only"

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Rhapsody said:
Ok NOW! - this post is about ME and how I am FEELING....... so Please - NO HATE REPLIES.

MEN........ Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Frankly after forty years of being on this earth I can honestly say that a lot of MEN (if not most) are very SELFISH MEAN and CRUEL more in life than they need to be and I could probably spend the rest of my forty or so more years here on earth with out another man in my life.

Can I get an AMEN!! to that?

I have spent a large majority of my life learning about and understanding the Male species from their POV and giving and letting be based on what they needed as a MALE...... but no more - for when I ask for just a little FEMALE understanding and support I get "I Can't" for I am MALE and I don't work that way" - well the hell with them then.

I will NO LONGER give to a MAN that cannot or is not willing to give back to ME.
I would rather live along with my animals than to waste another day of my life on a selfish male.

Can I get an AMEN!! to that?

I WANT TO BE FREE - to be ME again........ Female with out Worries of the Male kind!

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And just because some women (probably 50% to 50%) will see males as being selfish that does not make us wrong..... just done wrong - by men.

<font color="purple"> I would dare to say that most people (male & female) will fit into one of these catogories / sides.

Women are *****y (50% to 50%) - half and half.

Men are Selfish (50% to 50%) - half and half.

And - I will validate either side....... either for or against, for that is that person thoughts / feelings based on their life and experiences and not mine - so I have no right to tell them how they should feel.
</font>

I would really like to get back to the subject at hand (my issue with selfish men).

Can you please allow that? - and instead of bashing me how about praying for me and the selfish people of this world?

I wish you the best and hope that things get better for you. I dont really know what you can do with selfish people. I dont know if anyone can change them. Maybe a life event can change them, but i havent really seen any one self centered or selfish change.

Hey Rhap,
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time right now with the men in your life.

I guess I have a few thoughts after reading this thread. Certainly that sexism, along with ageism, racism and all the other "isms" you can think of are still alive and well. I'm sorry that our PC men (too few to start with) are feeling attacked.

I do think someone should be able to express their heart as best they can. I would hate to think that we had to have every word "politically correct" before we speak. PC would be a very quiet place indeed if that were the case.

I think Rhap did everything in her original post to let us know that what she was writing was about HER, and the men in HER life and that she was expressing HER feelings. I would hate to think she should be silenced because she "should" have stated her post differently.

I know that when I post here, I don't always say everything just right. Sometimes when I'm all worked up about something and need to get it out, I do so the best I can at the moment. I never intentionally sit down at the computer, log on to PC and try to offend people.

Perhaps, when sharing here we can remember to give each other some space and the benefit of the doubt. It's also good to remember to give ourselves the space we need too.

To expect that people can and "should" give equally is unrealistic. We all have different abilities, experiences, etc. we bring to any relationship. Additionally, sometimes, one person can actually need more than they can give. It doesn't make them a selfish being. It makes them needy in that situation. Does that make any sense?
Best,
Okie

Can you please give an example of one specific man and one specific event?

Rhapsody. My only advice is to take your time getting to know people you're becoming involved with and if they seem selfish, get out. This is to say, they (usually) wont change so don't waste your time if you suspect a bad egg.

Someone stated earlier that people present their best faces when dating and that's true so unfortunately it can be hard to tell who's a selfish bastard and who isn't so again, don't get attached too fast.

Also, if recent relationships have made you feel this angry and bitter, a break is probably in order.

Good luck.

Cyran0

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Cyran0 said:
Also, if recent relationships have made you feel this angry and bitter, a break is probably in order.

Good luck.

Cyran0

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I agree........... its just hard after so many years - but I do agree.
btw... my feelings come from present and past people, not to mention unspeakable sexaul abuse from men.

Then mixed with this world (and the selfish people in it) it does not make it any easier, for I find myself thinking.... if more men out there are just as selfish then I will always be alone, so why bother to leave - for there have been some good times.

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okiedokie said:
Hey Rhap,
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time right now with the men in your life.

I guess I have a few thoughts after reading this thread. Certainly that sexism, along with ageism, racism and all the other "isms" you can think of are still alive and well. I'm sorry that our PC men (too few to start with) are feeling attacked.

I do think someone should be able to express their heart as best they can. I would hate to think that we had to have every word "politically correct" before we speak. PC would be a very quiet place indeed if that were the case.

I think Rhap did everything in her original post to let us know that what she was writing was about HER, and the men in HER life and that she was expressing HER feelings. I would hate to think she should be silenced because she "should" have stated her post differently.

I know that when I post here, I don't always say everything just right. Sometimes when I'm all worked up about something and need to get it out, I do so the best I can at the moment. I never intentionally sit down at the computer, log on to PC and try to offend people.

Perhaps, when sharing here we can remember to give each other some space and the benefit of the doubt. It's also good to remember to give ourselves the space we need too.

To expect that people can and "should" give equally is unrealistic. We all have different abilities, experiences, etc. we bring to any relationship. Additionally, sometimes, one person can actually need more than they can give. It doesn't make them a selfish being. It makes them needy in that situation. Does that make any sense?
Best,
Okie

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"Okie"

Reading your post brought TEARS to my eyes, for you became my HERO TODAY as you sopke on my behalf - as you understood as I wished a few others would have......... *gentle hug* and *sigh of relief* - Thank YOU!

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Doh2007 said:
Can you please give an example of one specific man and one specific event?

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<font color="red"> Great Minds think alike..... for I had been thinking of doing the same thing. </font>

Examples:

1.) Only does things he wants - rarely does what you want or ask for.

2.) Goes to only one grown adult childs children birthday party - forgets the rest of the grandchildren.

3.) Will drive work van while car is broken for his needs / desires, but not when you ask.

4.) Refused to watch the kids for his wife - when you ask her out on the town once a month.

5.) Refuses sex 90% of the time when you ask for it - but wants you to be willing when he needs it.

6.) Will not buy food for his own kids (I help this family out) but he will spend money on things he wants.

7.) Spends all his extra time after work (all of it) playing video games and none with you when asked.

8.) Works full time and refuses to help around the house - every thing else is your responsibility.

9.) When you ask for help - he waits 30 minutes then comes to help when you are almost finished.

10.) Rarely keeps his promises to YOU.

* * * * * * *

Here are a few - I will have to post more as they happen or come to my attention..... and these examples are not just about my personally relationships, but also about other people's relationships with men that I know.

* * * * * * *

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Doh2007 said:
Can you please give an example of one specific man and one specific event?

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Ok - I will give you one MAN and one EVENT......
The event that statrted it all - the thinking that men are selfish over all - out for # 1.

A married MAN that decides to RAPE a two year old child just because HE is not getting any sex from his wife..... whom he has cheated on one to many times.

Are you grouping all the men that have hurt or triggered YOU, or are you just talking about your husband?

Any man who would rape a 2 y.o. child does not do so because he is not getting enough sex from his wife.

He is a pedophile. This is an ENTIRELY different subject.

If this is the issue, then the thread should be about pedophilia and NOT about selfish behavior on the part of men.
Thanks,
Okie

I agree that one thing is not about selfishness. it is so much more than that.

Please understand that I said that was jut the event that started it....... not the total issue in all - read the other list that I gave as well.

For the poor little 2 year was also raped and molested by four different other men through out her life and some of the acts were unspeakable...... and I have since learned as a an adult that men that rape will do so with out any concern for their victim - they are thinking on the individual orientation that is in their DNA that makes them selfish - only thinking of them self and their needs at the moment.

And... Please every one do not make this SELFISH topic about sexual abuse for while it may have started there - it has since evolved in my mind from similar events as the ones on the other list.

The Other List:

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Rhapsody said:

Examples:

1.) Only does things he wants - rarely does what you want or ask for.

2.) Goes to only one grown adult childs children birthday party - forgets the rest of the grandchildren.

3.) Will drive work van while car is broken for his needs / desires, but not when you ask.

4.) Refused to watch the kids for his wife - when you ask her out on the town once a month.

5.) Refuses sex 90% of the time when you ask for it - but wants you to be willing when he needs it.

6.) Will not buy food for his own kids (I help this family out) but he will spend money on things he wants.

7.) Spends all his extra time after work (all of it) playing video games and none with you when asked.

8.) Works full time and refuses to help around the house - every thing else is your responsibility.

9.) When you ask for help - he waits 30 minutes then comes to help when you are almost finished.

10.) Rarely keeps his promises to YOU.

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So Please - if any of you want to help ME - please combine all the issues at hand and please do not settle on just one of them.

I agree with what others have said here: grouping a pedophile with the topic of "selfish men" is way off base.

Patty

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seeker1950 said:
I agree with what others have said here: grouping a pedophile with the topic of "selfish men" is way off base.

Patty

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Ok - well in the mean time (while I come up with the words to explain my self better) can we deal with the LIST that was mentioned and leave the one event that seems to have drawn more attention alone for now and talk about the many other things I listed that were / are done by the men I find to be selfish.

YES, Rhapsody!
The list you presented is "right on" with selfish behavior. I suspect both men and women are capable of this!
Patty

I really am having a hard time following this. only cause i do not think all men or a certain gender should be grouped as selfishs. SO sorry if this affends anyone. But i am thinking the title maybe affending the guys here.IMHO
So i will give some good points of the guys here and in my life and our world
1} most firer fighters are men, they give thier lives for it
2} most veterens are men, giving thier lives once again
3) hey joe, tymber, trm, have answered every question i have asked here, and very nicley too
4} my husband does. laundry, dishes, cooks, helps at store, brings me lunch, drives son around
5}the florist in town here is a guy, has protected me many times
6) we as a group here support each other weather it be man or woman

Rhap i think you have just met the wrong guys in your life.
I hope you met one of the good guys as there are many out there.

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seeker1950 said:
YES, Rhapsody!
The list you presented is "right on" with selfish behavior.

I suspect both men and women are capable of this!

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Argggggggggggg - Sorry not directed at YOU - Seeker

I am just a little frustrated with every one trying to keep this problem politically correct........... and while Yes, I know! I Know! I Know! that both genders are very well capable of being selfish, but we have to remember that My problem My thread is not about the selfish females in my life (for I have not found them to be that way - well two of them but I limit them in my life) so PEOPLE can we please stay with the subject at hand - which happens to be "Selfish MEN" in "MY LIFE" and not go the other way........... "OR (I have to wonder) do I need to take this issue to one of my other forums?

SORRY - If there is a lot of frustration coming out in this reply...... but I am just so DAM tired of every one not helping with the issue / problem at hand for they are so busy being politically correct in their (and my) words or defending the other side of the issue and with other members having to PM me their thoughts for they are DAM scared to post in the actual thread out of fear of back lashed against them.

P.S.

And PLEASE do not make my usage of the word EVERYONE as ME actually talking about everyone that has made a post in this thread, for I Know I Know that many have tried to help and do not fit into the specific category that is creating frustration.