I just need to accept the facts.

I just need to accept the facts. I'm not normal. I'm not like everybody else. Because I'm different, I will never be loved or accepted by anybody.

No girl would ever want me. I'm too much of a weirdo. I like tech and games more than people. I'm always too scared to approach women so I avoid them. Even if a girl expresses some kind of interest in me, I am afraid to ask her out because I'm afraid that she will reject me.

The only thing I'm good at is gaming. I have no talents or skills other than being a pro at video games. I have nothing to offer people in the real world. People in online games would beg me to be on their team, but what good does that do me when I'm untouchable in the real world?

All I want is to feel safe. All I want is to not struggle anymore. I just want to be happy and free. I don't want to hurt anybody. I just want to come and go as I please. Yet, I feel so alone in the world. No girl would want me. Nobody ever will ever love me. I'm scared of women. I am scared of them hurting me any more. I'm scared of getting close to a woman, only for her to make me even further trapped and alone.

I escape into my fantasy worlds to avoid how much I hurt but people can't even accept that about me. I am subject to people's judgement and hate because I'm different. I didn't choose to be messed up by my mother. It's not my fault!

IDK why I even bother. I just want to run away from people and their drama and judgements. I function better alone anyways.

I'm about ready to just say screw it and drop out of school and go back to selling digital goods on video games and trading virtual currency like I used to do, that way, I can escape reality.

I might as well stick to what I'm good at. I am not good at functioning in society.

Don't drop out of school.

It's ok to vent your feelings but always remember feelings are not always fact. You may be able to find a girl that can care about you. Don't be so ready to condemn yourself.

That video game girl thread really opened my eyes. I regret making it now.

The way I was talked to by a few people in that thread made me feel this way. They made me realize my own weakness. They proved to me that I am nothing without my games. I am a worthless nobody. I am only wanted because of my skill at gaming and that's it. Nobody will ever want me for any other reason.

I honestly don't know why I even came back for PC. It's making me worse again. I don't feel welcome here.

I know the feeling of withdrawing to the virtual world, because I do that, too, except for me, I just watch random videos, TV series, and movies. So, basically I am good at nothing, literally. No wonder I am leading a reclusive life, and I am not that old.

Anyway, regarding focusing on women, I did that, too, and it didn't work. So, I am not the best one to give advice on this, but I would say you need to forget about this for now. Not to forget about talking with girls, but having a relationship. This comes later. For now, maybe try to talk to other girl gamers about the games you play. I am sure there are female gamers, although maybe not as many as male gamers, I would assume, but you would have something common to talk about, and take it from there.

I don't think dropping out of school is a good idea for the long run. I know you said somewhere else you like to be free and do stuff your own way, but this may not be realistic, at least in the short-term. Even if you started your own business, and assuming it succeeded, you wouldn't be able to have your own time as the CEO and founder of the company. Maybe while working you can make investments to generate more wealth faster, and that's how you can retire earlier, and then you can own and enjoy your time as you wish.

You would be surprised to learn that a lot of people feel that way.

Societal constructs are build to enslave people like me. Society serves only to keep the rich at top and everybody else under control.

I'd say just trudge along on the path you are on now. Finish the schooling, it might feel like a worthless piece of paper most days or a debt laden burden, at the same time it's a piece of cred as in credential. And it's one less thing to lament over.

I wouldn't let some offhanded remark spiral you down the rabbit hole regarding gaming/women.

Hang in there.

Not everyone is cut out to be in a close relationship. If I had known what I do now I would have stayed single all my life. I live my single life now. I don't have any desire to date & refuse to beat myself up because I don't. I have friends I do things with.

It is important to accept you as you are more than feel bad because you aren't some other way. My EX should have stayed single all his life too.

Much better to stay out of bad relationships than to be miserable in one or fighting to make it work

I get your point.

To tell you the truth, I've been craving sex more than anything.

Yes, there is part of me that wants an emotional connection with a woman but I will take anything I can get at this point.

But how would you know if a relationship is a bad one before it starts, or before talking to the person and try to see some red flags? If someone decides to be single by choice and he/she is content, that's fine, but not all people (including those who had a bad relationship in the past) like to be single.

If someone isn't good at ANY relationships it is usually their own issues that are causing the problem not the other people. If one stinks at relationships they don't just MAGICALLY happen right without work & change. If they want to do the work that creates the necessary changes then great go for it when one has done the work & starts to have normal relationships with the people around them.

If one stinks at relationships recognize it & either FIX the problem but don't make ones self or the other people more miserable trying to FORCE something to work.

There are plenty of people who don't want to be single who should.

And you honestly have no idea how hard I've been working on my communication skills. Why else do you think I came back to PC? I am legitimately trying to become a better person. I want to grow. I know that my quality of life could radically improve with better relationships with people.

It's just hard for me. Communication skills were never my strength. I've been socially awkward for as long as I can remember. Social ques don't come easy to me.

I've made progress though. Now I can hold conversations with strangers. 2 years ago I couldn't even do that. I'm also working on getting better at talking to women, which is something that I still struggle with because I find women intimidating.

So yes, I am making an effort to improve myself. It's just going slowly.

Sorry that you are feeling miserable. My lowest points have been when I decided that I had to work on the life that I have. Perhaps I don't love my life, perhaps I don't have what I want, but... I got given a few years so why not experiment.

Your expectations seem way out of line with your ability - that's normal BUT people re-create their lives by taking positive actions, "positive" meaning doing what will gradually get you to a happier place = for you to define.

When I was really low, I took a step back and looked at the circles I kept going round, and I decided to do just one thing to break the circle. For me at that time losing weight proved that I have some control over what makes me miserable.

Now I don't much care if I lose weight or not, but the message is you are the person who has the power to break your vicious circles. Once other people see you taking action, you will be more attractive to them.

Up to you . Hugs, although I believe that you will think hugs and my experience are totally not exciting on your scheme of things. Slam them back to me if it floats your boat.

I'm so sorry, DarknessIsMyFriend I know how you feel. Please don't give up. Like Open Eyese has wisely said, just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean it's true - although it can definitely have an effect on your life. You could still be able to find a woman who loves for who you truly are. I know how it feels to be a recluse, but I think you're handling this pretty well. You're still going to school, trying to get an education, and dedicating yourself to the things you love doing - such as gaming. Not to mention your knowledge about IT. I agree with the others about not dropping out of school. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but trust me when I say that they can get better. Just try to take care of yourself at the moment. The rest will come later. Try to take some time for yourself. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Sending many hugs to you

Your most important relationship that you MUST make work is with yourself. I suggest you just put your love and care into yourself for a bit while working on developing skills to form better relationships with others.

It’s a rude awakening to realize others don’t truly feel for you as you wish they did. I’ve just gone through this personally. Yes, we do need to accept the facts that they really didn’t care enough... But... all that is not a reflection on YOU, ie; not your fault.

Can you earn a living doing the gaming thing you speak of?

DBT, and keeping a careful balance of closeness/distance with people is going to help.

This is why I am not thinking to be involved, at least now, because I am a mess, and I don't want to bring misery to others and drag them to my dark world, although I heard some saying that a relationship made them strive to be better.

Darkness??? You are a hard match. You are not defective in any way. You are just a tad different, and also, I'll bet you know what you want and are frustrated because you can't find it. You will, eventually. Why don't you concentrate on yourself, your schooling, and your future right now. The world is FULL of females......there IS one (perhaps more than 1) for you.

More or less...same here. Granted I have been married for 28 + years, but it has NOT been a picnic, that is for sure. I wish I had stuck by my guns and not listened to my parents who convinced me that I couldn't live alone and support myself. I went through several periods of supporting the entire house due to my husband's idiocy with money.

Oh you sound like me....I was married & living with him for 33 years. Separated for 11 years before just getting my divorce last summer. That 11 years was due to his idiocy with money too & those 33 years were nothing but fighting while fixing the messes he made. I saw the red flags before the wedding but my mom was convincing & I rationalized going ahead of it. Ah 20/20 hindsight.

It is better to be inspired to fix the issues that cause relationship problems before ever getting involved. One can strive to FINE TUNE those things in the relationship but if the foundation is faulty the relationship will be too.

I think, the foundation of any relationship depends on the couple involved. A person can have a bad relationship with someone, but a good relationship with another. To me, it's more about compatibility and matching. I am not saying it is OK to be a mess and irresponsible before you start a relationship , but there is no standard level of goodness to look for/start a relationship.

Eskie?? I was asking myself if I REALLY wanted to do it while WALKING DOWN THE AISLE!!! I should have taken off my heels and run like the wind. But...this is what I got. it isn't ALL bad...