I'm sick and tired of being treated like garbage by everyone.

Hmmmm, does this not strike you as a red flag? If you are unwilling to hold a positive dialogue no wonder everyone is being so negative to you.

I wish I could be supportive and vindicate for you your feelings on this. But, I personally will not encourage them.

You have got to want to be positively thought of by those around you. The answer, quite seriously, is that you need to improve your communication strategy in such manner that those around you appreciate and wish to engage with you. I really don't think you can complain given such attitude.

I hope you can come to this realisation and make a concerted effort to be friendly - and reap the rewards of having done so.

Change starts with ourselves.

What part of dying from untreatable injuries do you not understand? It's not getting better. Ever.


You say that, yet everyone is working very hard to make me suffer. You want to help me? Cripple every person making my life worse.

I am truly sorry that you feel that I do not respect you. Given what you've written, I can understand why you believe that to be true. It must be a hard place to live. I hope that I surprise you though.

I see you as a strong person who has endured pain. The fact that you are reaching out to others shows that you are even stronger than being able to handle the pain. That is courageous and truly respectable.

My apologies, I didn't mean to suggest that it was only my family.

I believe that all of us are equals. Some are better at some things than others are, but those same people are worse at other things.

I am willing to hold a positive dialogue - you people are the ones refusing with extreme prejudice! I've been trying to hold a positive dialogue with people for decades and all I get in reward is beaten to the point where I have to crawl home. You all have proven beyond a shadow of doubt that you will refuse to think of me as an equal and do everything in your power to subjugate me - or failing that, kill me.

You maliciously chose to interpret what I said as "not wanting to be positively thought of" and it is that malicious choice executed by all people that is the problem. I did nothing to force you to make this decision; you make it of your own free will to lift yourself up by denigrating me. You have no intention of "holding a positive dialogue" or respecting me in any way. Your decision is your responsibility and I cannot be held responsible for the choices you freely make.

I have spent more than thirty-five years changing to satisfy the demands of an intolerant and malicious species. I was friendly until I was instructed by a doctor not to be because I had been lethally injured by those same people and continuing to be "friendly" would likely get me killed. I started with change and got effectively murdered for my efforts. Don't hand me this steer manure that "I'm not willing to hold a positive dialogue" - you're not willing to allow me to exist! You are simply excusing my abusers for their abuse. You are a gaslighter and should be banned from this board.

Hmmmm....just from a few things you have written here you lump all humans as being the same. You are human so I assume you are describing yourself too?

No! That's the precise problem - you people refuse to acknowledge my humanity, unless you're using it to denigrate me. You think you have the right to alienate me until I do something you don't like, and only then will you beat me with the cudgel of the worst of humanity. It's precisely that double-standard (that you all never apply to yourselves) that makes me so frustrated. You all are not operating in good faith or being intellectually honest.

You all think I'm so radically different that you can't tolerate me, but you're willing to pretend to think I'm human if it means you can insult me - but only then. You refuse to see the good side of me because it'll force you to acknowledge you're worse than me because you've senselessly rejected me for so long. You won't acknowledge the real me because you'll hate yourself when you realize what you've done.

I "lump all humans as being the same" because you all behave the same - not one of you dissented to my abuse growing up, so why would you radically change your position now? You're asking me to act on something that has been proven statistically false on the idea that it might change in the future despite there being no route to change, many reasons to stay the same, and statistical proof you can't change. Your position simply isn't logical.

The fact that no one disagreed with my abuse is proof positive that you all behave the same. Period. Full stop. Any perceived difference is a delusion you use to excuse your further abuse.

NONE if us were there to stand up against it so what right do you have to JUDGE that EVERYONE is like those people you grew up around. You are judging EVERYONE just like you claim EVERYONE is judging you.

TheUrOther, I think you are so much in your own head with all this abuse you suffer that you are expecting others here to be right in your head with you when no one can do that.

No one is siding with your abusers, a high percentage of members here have been victims and do understand the challenge and would not want you to think they are saying abuse is acceptable on any level. It's damn hard when someone has so much abuse in their head and they wish they could somehow connect a camera to their brain so other people can witness it and get angry too. I have had that HUGE desire myself. I feel that words are not enough to articulate all the negative body language, the sneering that is done with others with that look "oh look at her she is a bad person". I really wish I could run a film from my brain to show people how my mother had a stroke that I just happened to witness and I am in the ER when my sister storms through the doors in front of all the people in that ER and accuses me of causing my mother to experience that stroke. NOT ONE PERSON protected me and she went in that examining room and the nurses did not want me to go in just so I could see how my mother was. Why the hell did they NOT DO THAT TO MY SISTER? It was her that came storming through the doors in a rage, NOT ME. Oh, I wish I could play that video out so people would really SEE what I am dealing with and how NO ONE helps me in EVERY DAMN experience. Even when my husband witnessed it, he stood there like a dummy. Oh there were so many times I experienced bad things and no one helped me or protected me. It did not even matter when there were witnesses. I did not do anything wrong either, and the power went to the abusive person.

I know the anger and I am sure others here wish they could really SHOW the people and the REAL LIFE scenario. With this kind of trauma, and it IS trauma that happens when being bullied AND trapped with that bully ALONE and EVEN with witnesses, there is a huge desire for "justice". It's so damn hard when the bully wins, when the bully gets their way even when others are there witnessing it.

I do not know why BULLIES get their way, it's something I have been wondering about all my life. I don't know if this is connected to our early primitive primate nature because if you watch primates this is the case where the bully gets their way. Bullies and abusers somehow KNOW who to gang up on and pick on too. The person they pick on isn't a bad person either usually. I don't want to tell you I don't believe you or that you don't have a right to feel the anger you feel. I do wish I could hand you some kind of video you could attach to your head so you could play it instead of struggling with words because it's really hard to find the words that can have the same affect as the actual picture. I get it, I get the anger and that deep desire for justice. And justice, no matter how hard you TRY doesn't happen, and that makes the anger even worse.

Thing is you have to be careful with all that anger that you have built up in you. Yes, it can be blinding. Yet it's important that you don't get SO ANGRY that you punish others who really don't deserve it. Just because someone isn't responding the way you need it, doesn't mean that person deserves to be hurt. More often than not, all it means is the other person just doesn't know. And often the truth about "why" others don't do something is they are afraid too. I have noticed times when my sister exhibits her negative body language and she walks down the hall of a hospital in disatisfaction and people literally HIDE from her. Oh, I wish I could show that video too.

It's ok to VENT your anger, but it's important that you don't hurt others when you do so. And sometimes if triggered, that can be hard and I think that is where you are now tbh. You keep thinking people are telling you to give in to your abuser and that is not what they are saying. I know how that can feel too and I am sure there are others that can relate. It really sounds like you have been bullied, been hurt, been victimized and no one HELPED YOU OR STOOD UP FOR YOU. That can feel VERY lonely and at the same time create a lot of anger and resentments. That is what your input so far has been reflecting that I am picking up and can even relate to.

I'm judging everyone because you all judge me! Why do you have the right to do so, but I don't? And I would never be allowed to use the excuse of "not being there" to get out of being responsible - why are you allowed those excuses, and I'm not?

This is a perfect example of the double standards I've been talking about. You are allowed to make excuses and judge me, but you say I'm not. This is what I mean by saying you don't treat me equally. You can do whatever you want to me, but I'm not allowed to do anything.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder (complex ptsd, pdsd, shell shock, nervous shock, combat fatigue), symptoms and the difference between mental illness and psychiatric injury explained

I am trying to give you a link to information that you might like reading. I saved it because when I found it, it was explaining things I could not explain at the time.

What is stated above is something I KNOW to be true. So I am not completely disagreeing with you in that there IS a problem and often the victim is not heard or helped.

Lots of people side with my abusers. Even if it were no one here, you cannot say no one is siding with them. Abuse is the accepted norm for society. And you're not doing anything about it, so your inaction is as good as consent, because ends in the same results. All things that end in the same results must be treated equally, or nothing will ever get better.

I don't know where you went with this, but that's not how I feel. I just want people to stop abusing me, and I know the only ways to do that is to either disincentive abuse by punishing abusers, or making abuse physically impossible by crippling them. Nothing else is effective.

This isn't about anger; this is about incentives. If I don't incentivize people to take abuse seriously, they're going to allow and encourage abuse. That's how people work.

Me not knowing was never an acceptable excuse - I would get punished for everything I did not know. Why do others deserve to be ignorant without punishment, yet the same standard doesn't apply to me?

Again, never allowed as an excuse. I got punished for everything I did not do - brutally. Why do others get to be lazy without fear of punishment, yet the same standard doesn't apply to me?

No, I don't. You think my abusers should go ahead and kill me, and that they are justified in doing so. Whether I resist or not is immaterial; the fact is you think your lives would be better without the threat of my existence.

Yes, exactly. And the fact that, after forty years, no one has competently helped me proves beyond a shadow of doubt that no one will - why the heck would they suddenly, magically change now, except as a case of mockery?

Humanity has established a solid track record of abuse, neglect, and rejection. To suggest that any member of a species under the rule of a tyrannical society would ever change and not be any of those in the future is simply absurd; there is no previously-existing evidence of such behavior, and I soundly reject the practices of faith or hope, or believing that wanting something to happen will make it come true. Thinking people will change or be different from one another is simply not logical.

YES I know, I actually experienced this FACT just a couple of days ago. I KNOW the anger you are describing about this.

Also, I would appreciate it if you would not say "you" meaning me is not doing anything about it. I HAVE MOST DEFINITELY FOUGHT BACK. I think you need to take the accusations to "a lot of people" don't do anything about it, but that simply isn't true of ALL people. A lot of people DO FIGHT BACK, even when it's a very hard battle to do so.

LOGIC??? How in the world can someone who wasn't even there STOP something that happened when they weren't there? Please LOGICALLY explain this thinking if yours. Sorry but it IS A FACT not an excuse that one cannot stop something when they aren't even there to take action.

Do you expect a policeman to stop a crime when he has no idea it is happening & is blocks away until the call for help comes in?

Do you see how you are blaming me when I don't even know you? You don't even know me or any of the challenges I have faced and am facing right now.

I am trying to point out how your anger has turned into your EVERYONE, YOU, want to let my abusers kill me. This is a lot of anger directed at people you don't even know and are just assuming are siding with your abusers.

I hope you read the link I posted. There are people that are learning about how abuse affects the human mind. There are people that are focusing on this very real human challenge and are drawing attention to it.

It is true about enough people that the people who "differ" don't matter. It's not about what you do; it's about the measurable end effect. If you expend a lot of effort to achieve nothing, that's worse than not acting at all.

The fact is that there are too few people attempting to help to actaully achieve any true help, as is evidenced by me never having experienced any of this benefit. You may be able to help you and yours, but you clearly can't help me, even if you may want to. Until you actually achieve something, I have to treat you like you aren't because people worse than you will simply not try and pretend they did.

That is exactly what is expected of me. As long as you all demand the impossible from me under threat of murder, I will demand the same of you. If I don't, how will you all ever learn it's bad?

I don't have to know you the "individual" - you the "individual" don't really exist in the informational sense. You are a member of a societal gestalt, inseparable from your fellow members. Everything you think, everything you are comes from them. You are your social group; it is meaningless to refer to you separate from them.

The fact that I don't belong to (and am constantly rejected from) any group gestalt is precisely why I'm so demonized - to those in a gestalt, I am something impossible; a monster in the flesh.

I am safe to assume they side with my abusers because there has provably been no one who doesn't side with my abusers since grade school. When I turned 18, I could prove beyond doubt the status of each individual person I've ever encountered, and they ALL were against me. That many people cannot be that united without some superior power forcing them to be that way. That's where I discovered the above, and that's why I can assume all future people I encounter will hate me just like all people in my past have. Your behavior cannot deviate from this rail - you all must act this way. Any suggestion otherwise is simply a lie. How else can you explain how no one who was there and did know about my abuse dissented to it?

One link is dead; the other has information I already know.

Sorry but I have to respectfully disagree with you here. I think you are assuming too much. I am NOT inseparable from fellow members of some social gestalt. I can understand that YES that can happen with human beings given human nature but not ALL people are blind followers.

Human beings are slow developers in many ways, very maleable and impressionable. We are by design drawn to grouping together in that by doing so we have managed to survive despite our human frailties and vulnerabilites.

so from what you wrote here it us impossible for you to think logically?

This has nothing to do with "blind following" (though it sure helps if that's a factor too) - it has to do with your sources of information. Most everything inside your mind came from some other person; your own contribution is dwarfed by the contributions of others - you are, mentally, more the people around you than you are you. Unless you've been outcast and abandoned, in which case you lack everything people insist you have before they let you into their group. This is why no group will accept me now; I couldn't gain access to a social group early enough, so all future social groups will refuse me.

You are also very stubborn, refusing entry to people no matter what they offer you or how much their help can prevent you being harmed by a third party. You also by design reject those not already in your social groups; in tribal days this was the only defense against sociopaths.

What? That was in response to:
You people do expect me to do the impossible - and you'll demand I do it under threat of violence.

You do not think logically - all you are are powder-kegs of rage that can go off for no reason. I can't be around any of you precisely because anything or nothing can set you off.

Can I say if your being physically assaulted any type of way, then you should call the police after your safely away and take legal action. As for verbal abuse, everyone gets verbally abused at some point in their life, no it doesn't make it right, but having a thick skin does help. I literally words don't hurt you, but we know they can and will if we think about what was said. Try your best not think about what people tell you and if you know someone is lying and you have proof/evidence call them out on it. Other than that I don't have any more advice

uummm....TheUrOther, when I have judged you? How do I fit into that paradigm?

Sorry for the mini hijack, but OMGosh!! That perspective was what I needed tonight. Thank you!

OK, back to the thread...

If you think that the police or the legal system is going to help in any way, you are naive - even the best police are still human, and they'll look the other way as I get beaten up. The worst ones are the same people who terrorized me as a child, and are actively extorting me. Lawyers, etc. won't touch me with a ten-foot pole.

I have developed the thickest skin for verbal abuse, but every word conveys a promise to action. I am denied jobs because of people's bigotry against me. I can only shop in big stores with self-checkout because small stores refuse to sell to me. I am rejected by society in every way. It's all I can do to keep a roof over my head and food on my table. Anything beyond that is impossible because people go out of their way to make it impossible.