Is there any way for us good hearted people to stop getting taken advantage of?

My heart is heavy...It just never seems to fail.. no matter how hard I try. And I am taken advantage of because men will see how forgiving I am.. example: we will text, and then he won’t respond to my last text for no good reason except that he knows he can and he knows he will hear from me, or that I’ll respond to him even if he ignored me..

how can I change this dynamic? He knows if he doesn’t reply to my text I’ll ask if he is ok or reach out the next day.. ugh...nice girls just don’t win!

I am with you but not necessarily with regard to men. I thinking I have to make a list of what I do wrong and then make a list of how I am going to act going forward.

Kind of Like George Costanza on Seinfield. Do the opposite.

i despise being ignored..I get maybe my behavior is perceived as a bit needy, but then again his behavior is kind of inconsiderate also.

What if you don’t write to him when he doesn’t reply?

that would be the smart thing to do; but I overanalyze. Is he mad, ignoring me, etc..

Re: Thread Title.

Yes. Have boundaries and enforce them. Being kind of heart doesn't mean you have to be a pushover. Incidentally, it's the pushovers and people pleasers who turn out to be the biggest dicks deep down inside.

Why does it matter? If he's mad at you, then it's on him to tell you why. The silent game is for children. If he's deliberately ignoring you for whatever reason, whether it's manipulation or inconsideration, then he's the one who's being an asshole.

You should realize that some people are busy, but if he is always ignoring your messages, then you should just ignore him. I always respond to my man's messages and vice versa. At times, I may take my time in responding and so does he but we always respond within a day. Nice people do win at times. You just have to find a nice man.

yes, manipulation. He knows how it makes me feel but he does it anyways..

I don't want to make you mad or further upset you, but I actually think that this is about you, not him. Other people are always and forever going to do what they are going to do. No amount of texting and fretting and stressing and worrying is going to change that. If it did, he would not be doing this any more. But he is. And so, you are left with a man who is not meeting your needs and yourself. The only one you can do anything about is you. I would step back and reassess the relationship. Am I enjoying this? No. Does he seem to care? It appears not. Does he seem to appreciate me? Again, evidently not. So, then what exactly are you doing with this guy?

There are many kind, thoughtful men out there who are interesting and smart and handsome who will not blow off your attempts to communicate. I understand that being alone can be lonely, but you are better off finding the right guy than chasing around someone who cannot even be bothered to respond to a simple text.

Nice women do not always finish last. But some men are jerks and they will try to take advantage of your sweet disposition. Don't let them do it. You deserve better.

You are a nice person. But there is one person you are not being nice to.

If you contact him when he is ignoring you, you are being not nice to you.

What if you gave yourself the niceness that you get nothing for when you give it to him?

Be nice to Disney2019. Move on from this guy.

I appreciate this..he didn’t ignore every message as he reached out to me, but he just left me hanging and then ignored my texts after he decided he was done talking..but he clearly doesn’t appreciate me if he’s talking when it’s convenient for HIM

I have to say I agree

There is only one solution to all this: don’t date wrong men. It’s usually obvious after few dates if a man is really seriously into you and if he is a good partner. No need to go beyond few dates.

I think you have a misconception that nice women finish last. It’s incorrect. Ton of nice women are in happy healthy relationships. You can be nice and happy. But you have to respect yourself. No need to waste time on these type of guys.

Also you can’t change people. This dude is who he is plus he isn’t very interested. So dump him and don’t look back.

You deserve better

I have to add that none of it is easy especially when you are very young, which I suspect you are?. When I was young I wasted time dating wrong guys too. As I got older I realized that’s it is a total waste of time dating anyone who isn’t 100% great match. Longer you hang out with wrong men, less chance you have to meet right ones because you are not available to meet nice guys

That's kind of the point of talking. We do it when it's convenient for both of us.

There's a difference between being nice and being a soft gullible doormat. There's also a time to know when the relationship is going well and when to let go. It sounds you're also having unreasonable expectations with what you want with these guys you date. If he's really not interested, why bother chasing him?

I think you need to let him go....

I am not young..so yes I should know better at my age which is mid 40’s

yes...basically, he’s been leading me on and I really need to stop being gullible and pick up my darn self respect and lose him like a bad sore

I stand corrected. But you still have plenty of time to meet right men. Mid 40s is now new 30s. Still young

I am not suggesting you should chase perfection. No one is perfect. You just have to have clear standards and firm understanding of what works for you and what doesn’t. This clearly isn’t working

Excellent post. We are rooting for you.

Thanks. I’ve been on the fence with him..I will second guess myself because then he will start initiating contact, asking to see me, etc...but then after I see him we’re back to square one..he’s always putting his friends and everything else first..I feel all I’m doing if making his already huge ego even bigger and he certainly isn’t the end all, so it’s no good. He needs his ego deflated

thanks again..I guess I thought a 45 year old man would be more stable, but he is acting like a 21 year old, and it’s not a turn on.

If you don't mind my asking, what was your relationship like with your father?

Well there is a reality and then there is something we want. Reality is that he is no good as a boyfriend. So focus on reality. Wanting and hoping for things to be different isn’t going to change him.

I’d also talk to a therapist about attraction to unavailable disinterested men. There has to be something in it. When you explore it in depth you might break the pattern.

not great..he had a drinking problem. I am sure it’s why I pick these type of men

I have honestly had enough of his pubescent games. I am not in junior high school, and I’m not going to play jhs games either. I recall one weekend, not too long ago as a matter of fact, I was texting him Saturday and Sunday and I even tried to call and he didn’t pick up..I didn’t know if he was upset with me, if something happened god forbid or what. So come Monday I texted him he says that he was sick all weekend, didn’t respond to anyone..it was a load of crap because he slipped a day later or so telling me how his friend stopped by on Saturday. If he was sick as he said, then he wouldn’t have let them in. He lies so much he can’t keep track of what the hell he even said. So you bet, he would say some load of crap again..he didn’t feel like talking to me anymore, so like an ***, he just decided not to respond anymore out of boredom or whatever. Well, let’s see how he feels when he’s bored and his text and calls aren’t going through...