Husband pressuring me to dress more sexy and “accidentally” expose myself to othermen

Once I saw a show on tv,where a woman confessed her brother used to bring home his friends, asked her to take her undies off,let the friend take a look at.......and took a dollar from the friend.It happened for years.No need to say she was traumatized to know that brother made money doing it.I don't know why I am sharing it ,it may be irrelevant to the present conversation, but I felt this is something similar.

It's understandable that you have very mixed feelings about this challenge Noname. Yes, on the one hand it's very flattering that your body can be so desirable. Women most certainly have taken advantage of that in many ways in humanity where they have allowed their bodies to be displayed for viewing. They even choose clothing that shows something that can be very suggestive. This has even been considered a form of art.

We have had politicians who engaged in playing around and there were always women "who let them" too. There have been wives who "let them", like Jacklyn Kennedy who knew her husband played with other women who let him. Actually, our first lady did allow her body to be photographed and she did partake in that world of showing off her body. Well, there are sure plenty of comments that put her down and basically call her trash. Plenty of negative assumptions about her that tend to show disrespect for her. She has been called "the trophy wife" and has not really been considered as being an intelligent woman. No, the focus tends to be more on how she freely allowed her body to be photographed and got paid for that. Plenty of nasty things have been said about Melania's relationship with her husband. Lots of "assumptions" have been made and yet no one really knows what their real relationship is about, things they agreed on and are perfectly ok with.

Oh right, "but he said this and that", well what was the REAL conversation your husband had with his friend? Our president engaged in a discussion with another man not knowing he was being taped. At one point he said "if you think that's bad you should hear what Clinton says". It's important to think about the statement made "And they LET YOU". Well, at one point Melania was encouraged to expose her body and have lots of photos taken of her, once she did that however, she no longer had control over the consequences of that and never even dreamed she would one day become the First Lady and would be treated so badly by so many people who made it a point to print old pictures she agreed to have taken long before she met her husband. Yes, often she was encouraged to wear suggestive clothing as well. Her husband did not see anything wrong with what she did, he enjoyed her body and enjoyed how other men found her extremely attractive. Oh, that's just AWFUL many have uttered, vocally and in many written articles and comments.

Well, our choices in our lives do have consequences, often consequences unimagined. And people can be incredibly cruel and most definitely "assume" many things that can be mean and cold and calculating. And you are correct in that if other mothers find out, you may have a hard time making friends and often women make it a point to shun and avoid.

So the question for you is how do you want to live YOUR life? What is important to YOU? Also, choices you do make WILL affect your children. That is a discussion that should take place because it isn't just you and your husband, the choices the two of you make will forever have an affect on your children who always have to deal with your choices and tend to have no say. Also, children who learn about the choices you make can struggle with feeling that you did not care enough about THEM when you made these choices. It IS important that you have a discussion with your husband about what kind of family he wants to have, because the truth is, it's not just you and him, what you choose to do now does affect your family.

This is diabolical and scary. I’d take heed of being set up for this possibility.

Madonna/wh*re complex. Google it because I can’t post due to that word on here.
It’s a little like this^

When you first got together with him, you were so young. He probably always had these fetish thoughts, but is acting on them now because he is bored. He gets off on seeing you in the ‘wh*re’ role rather than as a mother.

So what is next?He gets a new roof and will want his wife to pay with...what?????? He has no respect for his wife,IMHO.The OP should enforce strict boundaries NOW.Before things go beyond her control,which I can see already happening.

Yep,that is why I said,he has no respect for her.

I miss where he said (even if jokingly) that him exposed his wife to others could be a form of payment for work provided. He is trying to sell you. This isn’t a kink. This is disrespect. Not something to joke about. Not a good thing if he has kids. Would he like someone to offer his daughter as a form of payment? I am not buying that he’s been a great husband. Good husband would have his wife’s safety and privacy as a priority. He clearly can’t care less.

Time to take this seriously and get to the bottom of this. This isn’t a game

In case of divorce he’ll go for “at fault” divorce as you are exposing yourself is a form of unfaithfulness and he will likely frame you as unstable parent as you are known to expose yourself to strangers and even to his friends (and he now has a witness).

Sure youd say he was aware his friend was watching you but he wasn’t the one exposing himself and you were the one suggested to expose yourself to his friend - bluff or not.

Your marriage might seem ok now but who knows how things will go and how all this will be twisted. I recommend to stop exposing yourself to people regardless what motivates you. You are playing with Fire

Oh wow, I missed that too -- jokingly telling you to flash a guy as payment for his work on your car. That is over the line..... you had said this earlier in this thread:

"But I fully agree that it’s over the line to intentionally expose myself to someone."

You called his bluff and exposed yourself in your room while his friend was visiting. So, from this angle, you've gone against your own principles. I am only pointing out the fact that you had said it would be over the line for YOU -- your comfort zone. It would be totally different IF you were completely into the idea and wanted to do these things, in every way. And I think you know where the line is with your own comfort level.... you said it would be over the line to intentionally expose yourself to someone....

I'm afraid that this is heading to a bad place for you, my dear. I really do not think anything good can from this.

I've been sexually active for 43 years. I am no prude, and I totally understand that kinky sex can be cool. Some of the best sex I've had was out in nature (I am positive no one ever saw us). And how many babies are conceived in the back of a car? A lot!

All that said, I'll be blunt. What your husband is asking of you is cruel. It's cruel to you, to him, and to whoever is victimized by the whole scheme.

If you agree, or if you do not agree, I will use my crystal ball and tell you that I see major trouble ahead for you and your husband. Because this is not about good sex, this is about control and power.

Please get into marriage therapy as soon as you can before the whole (if you'll excuse the term) sh--it house goes up in flames.

Not to minimize your situation but this SNL sketch was funny and reminded me of this thread. I hope you are not upset by my posting. Just a little humor and holiday cheer. I can’t resist.

Often fantasies should stay just fantasies. If you feel at all uncomfortable or if you are being judged in your thread, consider that none of the posters know you, imagine what it would be like if people you know found out. And NOW when your husband has his friend come around, you are going to feel different about him, and he will feel different around you. Nothing you can say to him will change that either. He felt wrong about even looking at you, had respect for your boundaries until your husband talked him into looking at you. Your husband is not respecting your boundaries, at least that is what other posters are feeling.

Do you think your husbands' friend Mark went home and told his partner that he was watching another woman naked and that the woman's husband told him to look? I doubt it-which means now he is lying by omission.

What if the husband told Mark it was his wife's kinky idea to flash herself to other male friends? THERE is no way to know for sure what the husband is up to? Some how the whole scenario looks like more than a fetish.The wife is naive and more trusting him.Not good for her IMO.

The OP has been very honest about how she’s feeling about all this and I give her alot of credit for being so open to advice given here and trying to decide what she will and won’t allow in her marriage in regards to her sex life and her husband seemingly wanting her to do various things.

She mentioned many times at this point she has no intention of a divorce. Maybe that will change.

I think the vast majority of people have fantasies, we all just decide what we are comfortable with.

This guy is up to no good. It will end ugly. There are too many bad scenarios that could happen and are known to happen. Stuff like this doesn’t end well.

And I am 99% sure your husband told his friend that his wife likes to expose herself. Otherwise Mark would be freaking out seeing you naked by accident.

Well maybe it will end badly or maybe she will decided she likes what’s going on. Everyone is pointing out possible fall out which is fine , I just don’t want the OP to get overwhelmed with advice given and leave.

This is likely right now the only place she has to talk about these things until she finds the right T that can help her.

I asked the same question. She said they are at grandmas for the weekend.

Weird. My husband and I were separated for a time, years back. I was seeing a guy who was into porn (in the sense that he was obsessed, I mean). He loved "play" accusing me of being with other men and how he would watch...so on and on...and the whole relationship got worse and weirder until I really was afraid of his obsessions.


Long story short, turned out he was a tweaker. And since I never touch street drugs I got out of that situation the day I found out. I'm absolutely not suggesting that your husband is substance using, no...his behavior, it just reminds me of that guy I dated. Creepy stuff. I hope the counseling can help. Good luck!

@Noname1987 I hope you are OK. I think the community here is just concerned over the potential ramifications of this fetish of your husband's. And according to some of the stories, there is cause for real concern. I hope you get the counseling you need, perhaps just for yourself alone, to help you sort through your feelings and thoughts on all this. I do think it's very concerning that your husband jokingly said he would pay that guy for his auto services by you flashing him. He is not showing respect towards you by saying something like that (ie. treating you almost like a prostitute, but without the sex), and that is concerning. I worry for your safety, your privacy, and your own sense of self-respect and self-worth. There are many what if's in this situation. It's up to you to determine what is best for you, but the community is definitely expressing concern for you.

Thank you so much! You’re absolutely right. I appreciate all the concern. And I’ve thought of many of those scenarios myself. Some of the advice is really helpful, and some is just super judgmental and weighing me down more. The facts are we have a wonderful life. Great friendship, most of the time a healthy, normal loving sex life. Maybe I’ve over exaggerated the frequency of these additional requests. It’s not like our lives revolve around him trying to get me to show my body. It’s an occasional request. It’s outside the norm for sure, but does that negate all the rest of the good, the 99% of really good in our lives??? And maybe my idea was incredibly stupid. But I wanted to know if he was serious. And I got my answer. Now I have to figure out what to do with that information. But thank you SO much for your support and input. It’s been so helpful!

Well no. He didn’t say that. I watched our Nest doorbell camera. And when Mark was leaving he said to my husband basically, “sorry about accidentally seeing your wife, but thanks for letting me stay and watch. She’s gorgeous.” And my husband said something like, “any time. Glad you enjoyed the view.” So he’s telling the truth and didn’t suggest it was intentional on my part. But obviously Mark knows it was intentional in my husband’s part. Which again, I don’t understand how my husband is ok with that. But whatever.

And I forget who asked, but Mark is single right now. So he wasn’t looking at me behind another woman’s back.

to the OP, I don't see any judgements of you at all, but I can see how it may feel that way. I just see concern being expressed from members. Some here see this as him being disrespectful of you, and I tend to agree with that viewpoint. But ultimately, it's up to you to determine how you feel about it, and whether you believe it crosses your personal boundaries, your own values and your sense of self-respect. If it doesn't bother you at all, then by all means, enjoy yourself. But if it does bother you, deep down, then I think all people here are just expressing their concern about the potential ramifications, and all that this could lead to. Wishing you all the best with this.

People will have different opinions on issues.You said you already knew about the possible future outcomes of this and that is what some of the posters predicted too.So I don't feel any of the posters were judgemental. It may be little overwhelming, but all are here to help you out.If I were you I would get as many as opinions,even if they differ from mine ,then I will take it or leave it.This topic itself is little different.Not many people are aware nor have experienced.I was following the thread and then decided to jump in when you posted about the suggestion of your hub "flash as a payment".I was really concerned about you.Then like I said our thought processes are different.If I were you that would be my personal breaking point ie my naked body as a payment.No matter how jokingly it was said.I wanted to share more info I knew about some of the relationships of others,that were different( kinky or fantasies stuff like that),and how they ended up later..,I mean the consequences. BUT now I prefer not to.And I would like to apologize if any of my replies upset you.But again let me tell you again I replied out of concern for you.All the best from my heart.

Yes Christina, this kind of challenge can get overwhelming and the members who are posting are concerned for her. After all, she has been with her husband for a long time and since they were very young too. I believe her in that she never expected to face this kind of challenge. She decided to see if he would really do it and found out that not only did he prove he would but that he liked it and did not show any signs of regret but instead is thinking about what he can do next.

This isn't something that has not happened before when it comes to men and even some women for that matter. Actually, there is a connection between accomplishment and gaining ability to obtain resources and status and experiencing strong desires to mate. This is a driving force in nature itself. People feel these impulses and have come up with so many different ways to relieve them or engage them not even knowing the true source of why these feelings and drives are happening in the first place.

My input in response to your problem has tried to touch on the fact that men actually have engaged in exhibiting women in different ways and that this really isn't something new. Actually, you can go to any library and find a book of early art and see paintings of women in the nude and even in different poses. Also, marriages were arranged with great consideration of maintaining wealth and resourses when there was not real sexual attraction at all and often that was something these individuals took care of elsewhere. This is exactly what took place with Prince Charles who never really loved Diana but instead lusted after Camilla who was not a woman that would have been approved of when it came to selecting a Royal wife.

Actually, Jacklyn Kennedy had to learn how to accept the fact that her husband would engage in having extra marital affairs. It was said that it was his mother who sat her down and explained to her how this is something she had to learn how to accept as was the case with Kennedy's mother who's husband had many of these daliances with other women.

I recently watched a documentary where a man decided to write a book about how from an early age he serviced all kinds of sexual fantasies of different individuals including many of the movie stars of his time that certainly had all different kinds of sexual fantasies kept hidden from the way Hollywood wanted these individuals to be seen as in overall society. Even in Hollywood marriages were arranged to make these individuals appear to be normal and capable of being devoted husband's and wives.

Ok, you are experiencing something you had not expected. This isn't unheard of and there could have been different unexpected's, like finding out he likes men too, or he has some other kind of fetish you are shocked by. What IS important when dealing with this as a couple is making sure the two of you consider the affect engaging in these fantasies can have on your family now. It's not just the two of you now, your choices can have an affect on your family, your social well being, and even how he is seen at his job. Lots of people have sexual fantasies, it's part of being human. However, just because a person has sexual fantasies, it doesn't mean they should act on them and it is important to sit and really consider the consequences. Consequences are things that can happen that are beyond one's control. Right now your husband is thinking about engaging his fantasies and he is not thinking about the consequences. That is a significant red flag and it's good that you decided to reach out about this challenge, it's clear you don't want to end up having something bad happen because of this kind of behavior he wants you to partake in. It's very concerning that he even talked about getting paid to engage in risky behaviors, that too is an important red flag. Is he ok and willing to exploit you? That's very concerning Noname.