Do you forgive people who have wronged you?

I think I’m battling with what the concept of forgiveness actually means in the first place.

I always thought that if I use the words I forgive you to someone, it’s the same as saying it’s okay, don’t worry about it.

On the other hand would someone want to ask for forgiveness in order to receive it in the first place?

I also don't follow the motto of "living well is the best revenge." Why does living well have to be an act of inflicting harm on someone who hurt me. They hurt me. They don't care how I live. They don't care about me. I should write a critique of all the platitudes used. Platitudes make me cringe. They are my kryptonite.

I think forgivness is for the forgiver but that it also gets confused with acceptance. If my mind and spirit are constantly monopolized by what others have done to me I might forgive them but only if I think that forgiving will help me. There is no forgetting. Some things are never forgivable despite what society tells us but I do believe most things can be forgiven. If someone god forbid, hurt my children I dont know if I could forgive them but I could work on acceptance. Forgiveness can be very healing when its warranted but the idea that people all have to forgive to move on is not something I can get behind.

***edited to add***
I forgave my father partly because I needed to and partly because once I was an adult I was able to put his upbringing in perspective as far as it came to parenting me. I wrote him a letter on his 47th birthday forgiving him, we had been seeing each other and having a relationship for about 2 years prior to that. I mailed his letter 3/8/00 and his birthday was 3/9/00. Around 2 in the morning of 3/9 he called his girlfriend telling her about this wonderful letter he got from me and crying. At 7am on 3/9 he dropped dead from a heart attack at age 47. Died on his birthday. I know that if I didn't have that chance to forgive him I would have had years of regret so everything depends on circumstance.

Oi! Platitudes. Yuck! They are condescending statements wrapped in flowery language. They are utter shite (I love that word). They are useless conversational placeholders to fill up awkward silences or boredom. Platitudes don't offer any sympathy, empathy, or insight. They just...fill up the void. They are like cotton candy -- a fluffed up ball of sugar hoisted on a paper cone that dissolves once you moisten it. Give me liberty, or give me death. But for Pete sake, do NOT give me platitude or I will hurl all over you a la Linda Blair (Exorcist). Yes, you know what mine is. As long as you don't mind me vomiting all over you if you use them around me! Heehee!

Oi! Platitudes. Yuck! They are condescending statements wrapped in flowery language. They are utter shite (I love that word). They are useless conversational placeholders to fill up awkward silences or boredom. Platitudes don't offer any sympathy, empathy, or insight. They just...fill up the void. They are like cotton candy -- a fluffed up ball of sugar hoisted on a paper cone that dissolves once you moisten it. Give me liberty, or give me death. But for Pete sake, do NOT give me platitude or I will hurl all over you a la Linda Blair (Exorcist). Yes, you know what mine is. As long as you don't mind me vomiting all over you if you use them around me! Heehee!

Crazy Hitch I think how you feel about his betrayal of you is completely valid - those are your feelings.

Do you feel like you ought to forgive him? Are the feelings you have problematic in your life and to your wellbeing? If so then that is different.

Oh my! Lol.

After being married to someone, I think it is ok to still love him in a way. And it's definitely ok to grieve.

Today is what (would be) my wedding anniversary to my exhusband.

I’m ashamed to say ... I hate what he did ... but deep down I may just ... still love him. Never in the way as husband and wife but more as the person he is minus the affair(s). I disgusted in myself to even type it. It’s NEVER something I’d admit to my now partner. In April my new partner and I would have been together for 4 years. But deep do inside in the quietness of my mind I think I still struggle with the concept of 100% letting m ex go.

Some days I think I’m still grieving.

You wanted to ( and did) love him and keep your promise of comittment. He didn't which hurt you. That doesn't change that you loved him and wanted to keep your promise to him. When we really love a person we don't "just" forget them or how we loved them. I think you still mourn what you lost when it came to your ex.

Thank you.

I’m glad you understand.

I have loved individuals who have hurt me in shocking ways. It has made me question on a very deep level if it is safe to love someone.

I know how hard it can be to forgive someone who would choose to hurt you so badly. It isn't necessarily that we are unworthy of love either, often it's the other individual who was not worthy of OUR honest love.