Need support through leaving my abusive husband, please

I'm starting a new thread. Here's the old one:

I think I need to divorce but I don't want to lost my nerve

So, we are not beginning divorce proceedings yet. I am trying to find either a pro bono lawyer, or second choice, a sliding scale lawyer.

I am unemployed, It's covid, and I am alone and isolated much of the time. I am becoming VERY depressed and I am anxious nearly every day.

He continues to lie to me, gaslight me, deny responsibility, and flip the tables on me via text. I try to limit conversations to just details about him moving out, or anything that is crucial, but now and again, I completely let loose on him out of anger, frustration and rage over his treatment towards me.

This has been going on for four weeks now. I caught him in an emotional affair four weeks ago, and that was the final straw that broke the camel's back. I have not physically seen him in over two weeks because I refuse to see him in person anymore. He is in the process of moving out. That will take through the end of Jan.

I am grieving the loss of something that I was confused and conflicted about - his episodes of abuse always were followed by loving behaviors, or what is called love bombing behavior. I became confused by the loving behaviors, and wanted for the longest time to believe he was actually a good man, aside from the abusive episodes and tactics. NOT TRUE.

And I had wanted to believe that I had found "the one".

However, now I see that he fed me lies from the moment we met - lies that I did not realize were lies until much much later - telling me that he is such a loving, caring, giving and faithful man.

We talked at least 100 times about the topic of fidelity. He KNEW given my past history with cheaters that this was the ONE thing he could do that would hurt me the MOST. HE KNEW.

He claims that after I called the police on him one night because I was drunk that that caused him to "act of out character", weakness, and anger. He knew, however, that it would cause tremendous harm to me - the worst harm he could ever cause me - and he did it anyways, in knowing this.

He also had cheated on his ex wife too, but lied to me about this for MONTHS and MONTHS. Then it came out that he kissed another woman, yet denied that this meant he cheated on his wife.

I have told him that a man of TRUE character would have just talked to me about being angry that I called the police. Instead, he acted in a sadistic manner - what - to get back at me?!!? To tell me "F" you for calling the police on me? I had actually called the police on him because he was raging at me yet again, and I was scared of him.

And so I've told him that I want a divorce. No one has filed for divorce yet. But as soon as I can land a lawyer I will.

What I am looking for is support around the abuse I've experienced from him - all the yelling, the insults, the cruelty, the control, the manipulations and the lies - I believe him to be a narcissist, so I believe I have suffered narcissistic abuse.

I am listening to podcasts on abuse. I am trying to work on my healing. But I am SO isolated that all I can do is be completely consumed by what has happened - by the abuse. It's all consuming.

Please help.. whatever kind of support you can provide is HUGELY appreciated.