Are people in your life extremely unsupportive during your hard times?

Ha ha. I have this person in my life who's sorta a friend (not a very close friend) and I tried to help him once, for a while and it felt like beating my head in the wall eventually yea. He does progress with his problem though on his own, it's just slow. Very slow sometimes. But I've eventually seen some major happenings and progress in his life about the problem. Unfortunately he's still on the fence about going to therapy too. So it's going slower than it could. Anyway so I have experience with this. I have way more experience with it in another relationship but never mind that one, that was a way more sad story with a more sad ending. With the above sorta friend though, I did stop in time so that was OK. I told him in the end what healthy boundaries I was going to keep about it and I've kept them ever since then.

Good post.

NOBODY walked out on you. Nobody here is buying your story.

Yeah, it's good stuff! Glad you find it useful for yourself.




The following may take time to process if you want to look at it more. I don't expect you to believe this right here and now, I will throw it out here anyway for the same reason as earlier.


So. It may be that you could have much deeper personal relationships than the ones you had with these managers. With people who get you as much or more than these managers, and who do actually have a personal relationship with you, not simply a superficial one at the workplace. You could experience way more quality kindness and care in those relationships for the reason that it would be more personally meant for you than with these managers. The behaviour you experienced from this manager now was rude but like others say it's not as personal when it's at work than if in a private relationship. It was rude but not that PERSONAL on their end, in other words. Your sensitive personal feeling made it feel harsher and more personal than what it was on their end. So, it can be rude behaviour, yet not too deeply personal in INTENT. It may be careless and rude, but not intended to deeply hurt you. Careless in not considering how it could hurt you deep, but not intended to hurt that deep. Not intended to attack you in that deep way.


You may edit this description for your own situation, but make it your goal that you overcome this experience and make it just part of life and not let it define you and your life.

I think I've demonstrated enough of the principle.

I can think of one manager at work who was extremely kind to me. In that sort of work environment this was quite rare. He was kind to everyone though, I did not take his kindness as me being ''special' to him in any way Although he did say something that some might have taken the wrong way, I did not...

Again, this is an unreasonable request and is an escalation of behavior so out of the norm it's supposed to trigger a reaction here.

Nobody in real life would ask such a thing.

Maybe it is telling that ruby always posts on the relationship forum not the work issues form, when all posts boil down to issues related to co-workers and managers. Even the title of the thread refers to "people in your life", not colleagues.

Ruby, when you can get therapy maybe that is something to discuss. We have talked about boundaries a lot here, and I think maybe you are still not recognizing that work relationships are different from family or friend relationships.


And, no, you don't have a right to ask someone else to be removed from a therapy spot, because your abandonment, which wasn't really abandonment, is somehow more important. It doesn't work that way.

I agree. WHY are her issues more important?

It isn't. I only said that to the receptionist to hopefully convince her to get me in,

That GM was kind to me like that in a same kind of way. And at least in the franchise I work at, it's not that rare. I heard horror stories about other franchises though. Anyway, he was also kind to everyone. That's who he is. Even the other people I looked up to at work didn't care how I felt as much as he did. Even compared to the Arby's supervisor BEFORE she became rejecting, the McDonald's GM was still better.

I couldn't have healed so quickly from Arby's if not for him. We talked about that old bag quite a few times. Also, when we're so short staffed that each person does 3 ppl's job, I woulda ran out of steam if he wasn't there. He was always the first to hear about my candy crush milestones. He said good job every time I beat a hard level or so many levels in a week.

I know what you meant when you said taken the wrong way. He used to call me "buttercup" and things like that. I now have a backyard full of buttercups. I lost count of how much I spent on those at Lowe's and Walmart. After I transplant those flowers from the pot into my backyard, I water them regularly and give them fertilizers. And it's sad that I have to keep good memories alive this way.

And I changed my first name to match his (only it's feminized). So sad.

If anything happens to me (e.g. car accident, cancer and other illnesses, heart problems), would he miss me at all? If I took a trip to Chicago south side and I got struck in a drive by shooting, would he care? I wouldn't WANT these things to happen to me, but life is random and unpredictable. I just want to learn to accept it if he wouldn't care no matter what. Then I can move on.

I'm not 100% sure how you meant that, and it seems likely that the person you talked to wasn't, either.

1. I was thinking you might have meant it as a joke, something like this:

Not actually posted by ruby2011:
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Hey, if you had any idea how cool and interesting I am and
how much your therapists could learn by working with me,
you'd bounce two plain old boring everyday clients
to make room for me!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2. If, on the other hand, the person you talked to thought you were completely serious, she could very well have left a note on the cancellation list that you sounded like a potentially difficult client. Instead of getting assigned to the first therapist who happened to have an opening, you might need to wait for some grizzled veteran who was prepared to crack the whip (figuratively speaking), spell out the rules to you in excruciating detail, and make sure you didn't get away with a thing.

The upside of (2.) could be* that you gave them fair warning and now they know better than to, say, assign you to an intern. The downside could be that they decide they have few or no therapists who are prepared to meet your needs, so you get to wait longer for someone to become available.

*I did say "could be". Of course I have no idea how they actually interpreted what you said, what their procedures are, or what they're prepared to do with whatever they may have decided about you.

Unrelated to anything that could help Ruby but I had a therapist switch my appointment with another client because I was having a tough time and I needed to get in sooner. I still feel bad about that. Maybe that person was struggling just as much or more then I was. Although my therapist reassured me the person was ok with the switch.

You’re really lucky. I wish I could have the same switch with another client so I could get in sooner.

I had already been seeing her for about a year. So we had a good relationship. Didn’t you say you couldn’t get into see anyone until October? If you don’t actually see anyone currently then that’s just not possible. I’ve not been able to see certain therapists because they didn’t have any room. My current therapist was my 4th choice because no one else had any openings.

It’s just really tough out there right now regarding getting into therapy.

Is it just me or is a suspension from work really a vacation in disguise? I’m starting to dread returning to my scheduled shift on Friday. Even though it’s just 5 hours I’m like oh crap I need to transfer from that hostile environment.

First of all, vacations are typically paid time off. You are not being paid. You are receiving no income during this time. Most people would find that a hardship.

Second, the hostile environment is of your own making and will follow you wherever you go unless you change your behavior.

You need to expect that when you go in on Friday people may be cold towards you. You owe the trainer manager an apology for your remark. Others on staff will have likely heard and not want to talk much to you because of your attitude and behavior. You will need to remain professional and polite regardless. Over time if you remain professional and polite people who forgive your prior behavior. But you have to change for that to happen.

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Good post.

Excellent post Seesaw!

Vacation? No. If your suspension is paid, it’s usually short and while pending investigation of sorts and likely only happens if you work full time. Typically suspensions are unpaid, which is stressful. But even when they are paid (as in circumstances I mentioned), stress of it is just too high, so no it’s not a vacation.

Environment might be hostile. You contributed to a hostility. So behave and watch what you say and you’ll be fine. If you said something you shouldn’t have always apologize and accept responsibility.

I know the day I’ll return to work so it’s not too stressful. It’s just a shame it’ll go in my personnel file. But overall I enjoyed it so much that I’m dreading returning to the hostile environment, even though I made it hostile. Hope current GM will agree to transfer me

The GM might agree to transfer you IF you show you can be a good employee again by cleaning up your act and behaving yourself for a couple of months. She doesn’t want to get a bad reputation of transferring problem employees.

I agree with Nammu. They might transfer if you show them good behavior.

You possibly enjoyed it because you can afford not to work. Most people can’t afford to take unpaid leave. The day will come when you possibly won’t be able to afford not to work, unless you will go on disability. Try to avoid such situations in the future

Before, whenever I said GM “put me thru hell” people replied, “no he didn’t. He just don’t want to talk to you!”

Even while he was here, people witnessed at least 3 different times he pushed me away, 2 of those times lasted a week each. They repeatedly told me I’m a creep, he has a wife, and leave him alone.

His supervisor (DM) told me she’ll talk to him on my behalf but that he prolly don’t know what was going on. And she can’t guarantee he’ll talk to me as a result bc it’s ultimately his choice.

People told me just because he don’t talk to me don’t give me the right to not work or to cop an attitude,

All his superiors been with this franchise for at least as long as he had (15 years) and they’re sick of me trying to get up his ***. (My words, not theirs). They know him and like him really well.

They are hell bent on protecting him from me just like everyone at Arby’s protected that GM from me. But at Arby’s, I never knew what they were protecting her from. At McDonald’s, at least I understand a little. But I’m still so angry that I get called a creep and get told to back the hell off.

I posted this because I’m angry and I’m not even sure why exactly.