Are people in your life extremely unsupportive during your hard times?

I don't know who told you that. That's very bad quality information / the wrong rule though. Refer to what I said about doing your homework. That would include you reading up on this topic too a lot more, about social skills, emotions, emotions of your own, emotions of people, everything, plus of course working with at least one professional or a team of them, preferably, and it would be even better if you found some place where you can recover, a support group with people in similar situations and issues, or an inpatient facility or whatever else is available in the US that would work best for you. I wish you luck with finding the right resources for your problems. You also need to trust yourself more, take ownership of your own life and not refer to others hoping for magical advice from them. Sometimes you can pick up on advice, sometimes not, and then sometimes the advice given is completely wrong and off, and so on. There is no magic to any of it. Going on in this thread will just lead to more frustration both for you and for others, at best, and probably more confusion for you, and other negative emotional effects.

So, I really have nothing else to say. Good luck once more!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alive99 Pushing the same idea continually doesn't work, infact, it can make the other person stick to their own idea more strongly. Criticising and nitpicking everything out of frustration also naturally does not work. We can't really do much here, honestly.

Exactly what I found in my marriage to a guy with totally broken thinking for whatever reason. My only solution was to leave.....exactly what Ruby complains people do to her for the same exact reason.

Nothing I could do but now I am forced into taking legal action years after the divorce because of the stupid decisions he made. Nothing I could have done to make a difference. After a certain point it is just a waste of energy

HH- “Ruby stated above that people just change and that she must accept this. She's also stated that the GM abandoned her. Clearly it has nothing to do with her own approach to people. It's other people's faults, not her own.”

There is NOTHING clearly about it. People change when they get sick of dealing with someone's personality & that fault begins with her.

Eskie- “GM abandoning her is nothing more than her own delusional thinking....again, the fault begins with her delusional thinking & her behaviors he didn't want to put up with any more. Yea, typical not taking responsibility for ones own behaviors that start the mess in the first place.”

Ruby- “I wasn't referring to you. I was referring to HH's post saying that I never done anything wrong and that it's always the GM's fault. That sounded sarcastic although I had to read it twice to realize it's sarcastic.”

Interpretation of written language here is interesting. I also took HH’s comment to be sarcasm because of her word “clearly”. Eskie did not take it as sarcasm, she saw it as literal defense of Ruby, as though stating an opinion that ‘clearly Ruby is not to blame for anything rather it’s all other’s faults’. HH then clarified that she was merely restating Ruby’s opinions without judgment. So her use of the word “clearly” was a kind of second-hand sarcasm, it was her restating Ruby’s opinion that we all see as faulty. Ruby sees it “clearly”, we don’t. It’s still sarcasm? I’m confused now.

I read it as sarcasm, too, due to the word “clearly”. But, see how subtle language is? And, also to point out to you, Ruby, you do have a working “intention sniffer” (I love this, unaluna!).

I am not implying HH’s intention was sarcasm. She says it wasn’t. I’m just saying how language interpretation is very subtle, and written language here where we are not speaking and seeing facial expressions is even harder!

Actually, that is not correct. Perhaps you mean "figurative"? Sarcasm is only one of many figurative subtleties/variances in language.

''intention sniffer''-

Ruby has gotten 530 responses to her post, 531 with mine, reinforcing her obsessive thinking. Now we’re discussing her interpretation of sarcasm. Are we really helping her? My opinion is not giving her so much attention would be more useful. Bpd traits are very hard to overcome, I can’t imagine what the full blown disorder would take to heal from. DBT takes a couple of years to get through and that’s if you participate and do the work. It doesn’t sound like ruby wants to change, or sees that’s she’s the problem. Somebody from this board needs to contact somebody in her real life and let them know what’s going on here. Also with the ASD, I’m not sure what she’ll be able to understand. She sounds like she could be helped by AP medication to stop her delusional thinking.

I’m facing an interview at target today and down the road, the end of my 2 week suspension at my current job. I’m suspended until the 16th. If I go back to work at McDonald’s and behave myself for like a couple months, will they transfer me? I no longer feel welcome at my current location which is why I want a fresh start at another store.

I’m not sure I’ll have an offer at target. If I do, I’ll have an easier time quitting (giving notice at) my current job once my suspension is over.

Yeah, I do not think it's useful to overanalyze my response. My response simply was meant to point out the difference between Ruby's thinking and others' thought processes on this thread. I wasn't being sarcastic, to be clear: it's just obvious that Ruby takes little to no accountability for her bad behaviors that turn others away.

Ruby, do you see this in yourself? When you ask us questions about whether the GM turns away from any other people in his life, and when you state that the GM abandoned you, when you go around work complaining about being traumatized because he turned away from you, and given the title of this thread, you seem to ignore all input that states that you caused this and brought this upon yourself. Do you agree with that?

And deep down, I believe that you DO wish to learn how to behave better because you've asked us how to distinguish when one person says something the right way, and how when you say something similar, it's taken the wrong way. What you must also understand is that you need to learn how to respect boundaries and what that means for people within a professional work environment. It means picking up on people's discomfort, on people taking offense, or picking up on something you've said being inappropriate by the way people react. The way you learn is by watching others and how they behave - the ones who seem respected and appreciated at work. You can mirror their behavior and model yourself after those who are respected within a work environment.

Some of us are intolerant to meds anyway (taking the med is literally dangerous to our health, more so than the MI.... I do not want or need any response to this. Some people (mostly doctors irl) will never get this.

Ruby, how much do you want to change?

Ruby, do you feel that you take accountability for your behaviours that turn others away?

Are you interested in changing any of these?

This thread is quite illuminating for some of us. I do not personally feel any need for censorship or closing this thread unless the OP wishes to close the thread.

So what if Ruby receives attention? Is this harming anyone here?

I do wish to change my behavior. And my baggage.

And that's a first and important step!!! WANTING to change your behavior and baggage. Good for you! Now, what do you need to do in order to accomplish that goal?

It’s up to the OP if they find their threads and our responses helpful, some people just need to vent and some need longer to figure out what’s useful. Not up to us. We can post or not post.

Plenty of people post on the same issues for many years with no improvement. Perhaps they post for venting only. It’s up to them. No way this forum is going to look for all these people irl and contact others on their behalf. People would be afraid to post on here if there’s constant danger of being outed

Ruby if you do get that job in target set up a goal for yourself to be mindful of your words and behaviors. Remember that most people must put their feelings and emotions aside if they want a pay check. Focus on getting a pay check for your work.

It’s not just wanting to change, it’s why she wants to change. If it’s to get what she wants, that’s not addressing the root problem. Somebody posted a list of cognitive distortions. She has to start with her thinking, and recognizing where it is off, which is usually done with a therapist. I wonder if her father was absent growing up , or if he rejected her because of her differences. It sounds like ruby wants the approval of authority figures. I remember interacting with ruby in chat and that was awhile ago. I haven’t seen any change. I remember thinking back then she was intense. I can only imagine how neurotypical people would respond in real life. I agree with those who said until she gets her issues under control she should not be working. There are vocational programs for people with mental health disabilities.

I agree with that and in the 7 years I’ve been here this is the one and only time I’ve suggested that. I’ve read other peoples posts and hers is unique. Ruby is fortunate she’s found such a community as this one that will allow such posting and also that so many people are getting involved.

I admit I've had the same thought, but it's far beyond the purview of this board and of us as members. We can only keep encouraging Ruby to seek out the right resources and support.

True. She might be getting something out if though, even if perhaps just a distraction and maybe it’s better she posts here rather than other places where she might be ridiculed.

I asked once if the forum boards could interfere in some situation irl (it was nothing like this, it was extreme and dangerous) and not only I was told it’s not possible I was yelled at and chastised so I have learned not to suggest such things ha

If she doesn’t change her thinking, it won’t matter if she changes her behavior as she will just be trying to act right to get a reward. She sounds like she could benefit from both cbt and dbt and perhaps a mood stabilizer . (I know some people are anti-medication.) It also sounds like , and I’m pretty sure she said, she doesn’t have a therapist. That would be a more appropriate person to experience transference with, not your manager at work.

Yeah, I’ve been chastised on this thread.
Well, good to know, I won’t think about it.

I don’t see the benefit in “venting” about your cognitive distortions and your transference issues, but what do I know?
Distraction is a tool in dbt for emotional regulation, but I don’t think posting on message boards about your obsession is listed as one

Who knows. I think posting on message boards is a decent distraction. I know it’s not the same but I am posting on here now because I need a distraction.

I been ridiculed on a retail workers Facebook group and eventually got banned. I got ridiculed on Reddit so I cursed out my haters and reported every single one of them, so I got banned from a single community on Reddit (although I can still READ the contents, just not post). I’m free to post in other Reddit communities though so w/e.

The only place I’m not ridiculed is on mental health forums such as this one and A2k.

I don't think it harms people per se to give attention to Ruby. But it might hurt her if it just confuses her more, etc. Even if that's not the intent of anyone. So I was not trying to blame anyone, or say that we should all just ignore Ruby. I was saying that I think it would only really work if Ruby also put in a lot more work herself, in a *structured* way at that (doing psychoeducation, during therapy, or any other form of relevant help), which I called homework. I am not blaming her either for not doing so btw. I am just stating that that is what would work better than this. She would then likely absorb the useful bits of the advice better from here too, without getting confused so much.

The only place that takes my insurance doesn't have an opening til October. So I called to ask for an earlier appointment and they said they'll put me on a cancellation list. If anyone cancels, they'll put me in for an appointment. But there's no guarantee anyone would cancel, so I asked them to cancel someone's appointment for the next day and put me in.
Her: I can't do that. They already booked their appointment.
Me: But my issues are more important. I can't wait that long. Cancel someone and inform them you canceled their appointment so I could get in.
Her: I can't do that. I'll put you on a cancellation list.

She can't cancel someone's appointment? The hell she couldn't. Log on, take their name off, inform them their appointment is cancelled, and then put me in. SImple.

Seriously? You have no idea about other people and the seriousness of their issues. Of course they can’t just cancel a standing client’s session to fit you in.