Are people in your life extremely unsupportive during your hard times?

Ruby, I want you to imagine you were the person whose appointment was cancelled. How would you feel?

I am concerned that you have a lack of empathy for others. You do not seem to care at all how your actions make others feel. You also seem to express a lot of entitlement.

Do you really not see anything wrong with what you demanded the receptionist do?

Ruby I think you’re living with your family, right? Are they totally unaware of what’s going on with you. I find it hard to believe that they are just letting you flap in the wind. Surely a family member, friend or community effort could help you out? Are you not involved in any programs at all? I know people with far less drastic issues then you who are enabled to function in the real world only by their parents. You’re in your 20s if I recall correctly, right?

My family are fed up with me after all these years of my issues not letting up. My job developer is fed up as well, seems like. Nothing she ever said about my "infatuation" with particular managers got to me. VR hasn’t got back to me. And the only place that takes my insurance don’t have an opening until October. I have no resources and I’m suspended from my job until July 16th.

Good post.

Ruby you seem like you don’t accept that these are the consequences of your actions. You are an adult. It sounds like you at least have a room and board due to your parents generosity, yes?

Not all parents even ''put up with'' their adult children after age 18...... some even cut them out of their life entirely, for no good reason

Yikes! Do you really go about through life saying things like this? Are you just yanking our chains to get a rise out of us? Gosh, I’d think the therapist would tell you that they won’t even see you at all, if you said that. Ruby….

Ruby, that is a most entitled and obnoxious standpoint. Did you really say this?? Do you really think you have rights before someone else who already had an appointment?? This is the most obnoxious thing I’ve ever heard! It’s absurd!

I only become like that when someone walks out on me, and that happens once every few years. The McDonald’s GM stopped giving a crap about me so I get angry a lot. Arby’s GM rejected me like hell 3 years ago, so I got angry like that for months until I got my current job at McDonald’s.

It’s hard to process my grief and depression when I lost ALL ability to trust anyone. Mainly, how do I know that the next good person won’t also walk out on me?

So when the people you stalk don't respond positively to being stalked, you behave angry and entitled and lose all empathy for other people?

I say it this way because you need to challenge your delusional thinking.

I don’t LOSE empathy, just deactivated it. My Facebook account still exists, but deactivated and I can reactivate it at any time by logging on. Sometimes these days, I feel bad for others but whenever that happens, I quickly harden myself up to protect myself. That homeless person asking for a cup of soda? Well I feel bad for him but instead gave him a clear WATER cup. Idk why I feel safer hardening myself up, but I do.

Maybe I subconsciously figured any act of kindness on my part gets punished or humiliated.

Worst of all, no matter what I do, I’m not worth it for anyone to stick around. Otherwise at least the GM at McDonald’s would still talk to me during his visits to borrow stuff from the store I work at.

He still talks to my coworkers, right? I find it hard to be around people I’m jealous of, but the biggest reason I became rude to them is because they were rude first. From the first day that GM pushed me aside, my coworkers became rude when they saw me crying in the restroom for half an hour, still clocked on.

I just need advice on how to transfer when they let me come back to work on the 16th. How long should I behave myself and not make waves before they can try to transfer me?

Nobody walked out on you, that’s a delusional thought. You’ve been told that many different ways now. The fact that you continue to act out in entitlement and selfish behavior show your true self. Your just using that “walked out on me” as a rationalization instead of taking responsibility for your actions.

I want to transfer so I behave myself. It’s just unsustainable long term if I’m not even welcome at the store I work at. Once I transfer, I’ll find it easier to behave because people there don’t yet know me so they won’t start off rude to me. It’s a badly needed fresh start

Ruby I guess in some ways you remind me of myself, the part where you talk about not having empathy I can relate to. I used to say I choose not to have empathy and I would get in big trouble .

I know what’s motivating your behavior , it’s so you can get what you want, you don’t see that your goal is wrong.

Just imagine if you put the amount of energy you put into masking into wanting to change. I find it very hard to believe that there are no community resources available. I haven’t heard you say you needed money for food and shelter . You are free to do whatever it takes to get well. You don’t sound like you have to struggle to survive.

Wouldn’t you like people to like you? I know that’s what you want .

I know I’ve tried to help you in chat before.

I’ve looked back at your posting history and see that nothing has changed , you keep having the same problems .

Okay I am like... I didn't see this one coming. Absolutely not. I see some others didn't either. So it makes me want to add a couple more things. I don't care if you hear them or not but I will add them anyway, someone else reading maybe will like them or find them useful if they ever google and find this forum or something.


Firstoff.

1. You have zero right to demand that you be given priority over someone else's psychological/mental health issues.
2. They can get in trouble for doing that for you. You can't expect anyone to do that.

How about you go and journal alone about your vents that are like this?

We won't be able to lift you up about it so you might as well write about it on your own.

Bonus: if the walking out on you happens only once a few years, that's not frequent at all. So it doesn't matter much.

You overfocus on the negatives, if one person doesn't like you you are already extremely upset even if 99 other people have no problem with you.

So no wonder you have conclusions like no one cares about you even if you had a working relationship with the person for several years before it and even if you only have people leave you only every few years.

Or the conclusion how all people have such a big problem with your behaviour in general, you oscillate between this extreme conclusion and the more factual conclusion that people usually see that you have some weird behaviours but can tolerate it for the most part for several years. And then some don't love it but tolerate it or are neutral about it, and some - the minority - complain, and some are friends with you.

Minus your overly strong enmeshment with the managers, it seems to be like a livable situation to me. Your oscillation between extreme negative and normal factual viewpoints does not help your case, and it makes others act the same way towards you if you talk about yourself using this perspective too much (self-fullfilling prophecy), and it's exactly what CBT and DBT are targeted to fix.



See more on that below.




Look up Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. An early (pioneering) form of CBT but it's good. There are books on it online, you don't even need a therapist to practice it.


That would be great practice in learning to reword your emotionally extreme sentences.

Such as:

"It's a badly needed fresh start"

What?

No, rephrase it as:

"It would be nice to do to this but I can look for another option too"

And imagine that emotionally. Shape your emotions in imagination to the rationally worded latter sentence that's balanced and not extreme.

DO this for ALL your emotionally extreme sentences. Practice it.



Even for the title of this very same thread.

"Are people in your life extremely unsupportive during your hard times?"

Rephrase into:

"Some people in my life are uncaring and unsupportive during my hard times, and some other people do try to help me, for example I have this long thread already on people trying to help me in VARIOUS ways, and they have been trying for years, I have even some people around who are not always nice to me who sometimes do try and give help anyway, both here and IRL too."

I agree, if the walking out on you happens once every few years, that is not frequent.

The therapy module mentioned below would probably be helpful for this over focusing on the negatives.

Transferring would not be good, you only avoid the consequences of your behavior that way. What you need is to accept that this situation has been created by you. To change the uncomfortable position you find yourself in you need to buckle down and behave to earn back some respect. Not everyone will forgive you but if you behave yourself you will earn back some respect and have respect for yourself for having stuck out the uncomfortable time.

[QUOTE=Alive99;7094262]Okay I am like... I didn't see this one coming. Absolutely not. I see some others didn't either. So it makes me want to add a couple more things. I don't care if you hear them or not but I will add them anyway, someone else reading maybe will like them or find them useful if they ever google and find this forum or something.

I also think that others reading will find these replies useful.

Never heard of REBT before you mentioned it so I looked it up. Sounds perfect.

Every few years is not frequent. However, WHEN someone walks out on me, it’s in a HARSH and severely rejecting way. It’s the degree of rejection. Also, the person walking out on me was someone I cared about DEEPLY. And they used to care about me. It’s not just the frequency. It’s the degree of rejection and the quality of their previous kindness to me.

Ruby you can’t sub work relationships for personal relationships, that’s the problem. Until you see that this whole post is redundant .

If these people are all work colleagues it's completely different to a personal friend behaving in this way.

I dunno , we can all keep writing , we can get up on a soapbox , and bang our heads in the wall , your actions are deliberate , it is making our heads spin , and soon we will all be outtahere , my apologies for continuing to read this thread and for being bored enough to make this post

I'm bored too.. not so much with this thread but I know what you mean.