Have I lost my boyfriend

I mean I wondered right away if he took your drunk text that way but I didn't consider that much because to me your text seemed clear enough as you added you feel scared and you didn't say you want to dump him, just that you want to be alone right now is how I read it. (Even if I may not understand without further information as to why you'd want to be alone, I would understand that this is your feelings for some reason, whatever the reason may be) But to me it makes total sense that he didn't find it too clear and was emotionally overloaded by your text - I did mention this earlier - and so yeah it's believable to me that he read it that way. This would obviously be hurtful then to him.

He did act immature and rude afterwards though yeah, he was unable to communicate about how it affected him emotionally, and he's still punishing you with the blocking. It's clear to me that he's done that out of anger, having felt like you suddenly dumped him.

If it happened to him before, that someone randomly dumped or blocked him, then this sh*** behaviour would make a tiny bit more sense. Not an excuse at all!! If this is the first time he ever did it like that, and he can realise why it's problematic and take responsibility and not do it like this again, then it can be OK though. Him understanding more on what you originally meant will help with that if he's a decent person in any way at all.

So I mean, it can be understandable if it's a one off problem and not like a very long standing behaviour pattern for him that he doesn't want to work on (personality or character problem). I myself had a "good friend" who would randomly block me and ignore me and eventually I could no longer take it and I would get emotionally overloaded even if it was someone else doing the ignoring of me in some completely different situation. I'm still working on that one personally, so I can understand him (maybe), but he still needs to understand his own reaction and then take responsibility for his behaviour. Getting overloaded is one thing, how you deal with it is another thing.

It also makes total sense to me that he'd ask an - admittedly insensitive - question like that. This, "you thought dumping me would improve your eye sight situation?". I'm a woman but I got really out of touch with emotions for a while (long story), and so I can understand this kind of question trying to follow and understand the other person's sudden, abrupt emotional changes. But of course, since this was a text, it is impossible to tell for sure what the intention or the attitude is here on his end, no nonverbal information, tone, body language,... I suggest you two discuss this issue in person and *not* in texts. Trust me it would help a lot with not misunderstanding so much so easily.

So.... If you can talk to him in person and be patient with him when he's trying to understand what you meant originally, it can help him take responsibility. Let's hope it will work out that way and that he will make up for his behaviour towards you.

The blocking was a bad and punitive game but this question I don't see it as a game. Do note that I'm going by how you said in another post that he never behaved in bad ways before, for the about 1 year you two have been together. Like, I could be wrong and he could be playing games, but that's just not my immediate read on this.

What I'm thinking overall is, the stress affects things and the communication on both ends. So, all in all: Try to talk with him in person about this problem here, and in general try to not text about major stress or emotional issues either. Talk in person (or maybe over the phone) about such sensitive matters. If you get to feel very negative about something in life, stress, etc, try to not pour it out all on him in an impulsive way (regardless of being drunk or not, this has nothing to do with alcohol, and more to do with impulsiveness IMO. Alcohol will of course make you more uninhibited and impulsive too). It would be too abrupt and big negative emotions for him to deal with. Try to share about your worries in a more considered way. This is assuming he's willing to be attentive to you when you do share like that. Because that's his end of things, he needs to be attentive and supportive - in whatever way he can do that, don't expect him to be exactly like a female friend with the supportiveness - when you tell him about your feelings.

So, just my read on the situation. Hope it helps.

Not always quickly when it comes to a man and a woman in a long term relationship and there is major external stress affecting things

One more post I'd like to add....

Without knowing more on the overall relationship itself, I can't tell how that text would be read by most people if they were in the boyfriend's place, but reading it as an outsider with no more information, I don't see it as nasty.

I see it as clear as in, you're talking about how you're scared having trouble dealing with the health issue and so you want to be alone for now. I will say the being alone part is not 100% clear but to me it would just come off like, finding it hard to deal with it so needing to be alone to try and endure through it. I have no idea if you had that in mind though.

Was it this or did you have some need to push him away when drunk? I mean, I didn't read it like that because you said in it that you feel scared. So it did not sound angry or impatient to me overall but overwhelmed with the stress and anxiety instead.

See, you guys got it exactly right. Asking for alone tome does not mean I broke up with him, hence my saying to him last night that I didn’t break up with him. I didn’t and I’m not sure why he took that as being dumped. If I received that message from him, A.) I wouldn’t have blocked him. B.) I would have sent him a message asking what he meant by being alone. I didn’t actually dump him. For him to think I did actually hurts me. If he is unclear on what “alone time” or “leave me alone” is, then he could ask me what I meant by that.

He contacted me earlier this afternoon and said, “I’m taking some time to think about things.” I already know that. I responded to him with, “I know. I understand and respect that. Take the time you need.” I’m not clear on why he would say that. I have a feeling it was to just keep me updated. I don’t think that was an actual breakup. Was it?

But this is exactly why we need to talk about this, because I wasn’t pushing him away. It’s exactly as you described it. I wasn’t dumping him. I basically said in that message, “I need to be alone. I can’t deal with this eye issue. Leave me alone.” It may have come across to him as being rude and pushing him away, but that’s quite different than dumping him. It bothers me that he took it that way.

Yes, but now do I get him to talk in person when he’ s said he needs some time and space, he’s annoyed with me, and now said he’s taking time to think about things? I definitely agree about talking to him in person, but how do I do that?

Now I just found out he blocked me on Instagram. Definitely not a good sign.

Sounds like he still can't get his emotions under control and keeps acting weird with them hence the new block. He could've read further imagined negatives into your last response or something.

I wouldn't think his last message was about breaking up, he's still thinking. But yeah it sounds like that while he's not talking to you he maybe got stuck in thinking negatively about all this in a really distorted way.

If I were you and if I still wanted to give it another try, I'd message/text and ask to meet IRL to really clear up the misunderstanding

Could this new block also be a way of breaking up with me? I know some people do this when they can’t either bring themselves to break up with someone the proper way, or they do it because they just don’t care to or of fear of hurting the other person so it lessens the blow.

I personally would tell him I would only respond from this point on once he has unblocked you from everywhere, then don't respond to anything he says at all, but watch for anything getting unblocked, personally

Well, if he did block me on Instagram, then he has probably also blocked me on my spare phone. So I couldn’t text him even if I wanted to.

Could he have blocked me on Instagram because I responded to his message this afternoon when he said, “I’m taking some time to think about things?” That I responded with, “I know. I understand and respect that. Take the time you need.” He is already annoyed at me. Could that just have annoyed him further?

If he did get annoyed at that then he is a immature idiot who needs to grow up,imo

Maybe try find someone new and if he sees you with anyone new and speaks to you, tell him cause he blocked you on everything you thought he had broke up with you so you are going into your future without him?

It is ironic that the guy who complained about your leave me alone comment is stonewalling you.

If you stay with him I would expect more such behavior from him in the future.

Yes, I think it’s ironic too. Here he got all bent out of shape because I told him to leave me alone, yet he asked for space, then now does a full block. I am wondering why he decided to block me on Instagram. I haven’t done anything to him. I haven’t bothered him after he asked for space. I haven’t contacted him since then unless he contacted me first, so it’s not like I was bombarding him with messages or liking anything he posted, or things like that. I was leaving him alone. Why would he do that? I know, it’s easy to say why does it matter? But it does matter, especially since I know I haven’t been bothering him. Maybe it’s because he just wants more space? Like I said a little earlier, I am not sure if this is a breakup, or if it is because he just wants time.

There is something else I need to know. If this is a breakup, he has something of mine that I would like back. It’s a book written by my grandfather. It’s out of print and I can’t get another copy. How would I contact him to get it back if he’s blocked me?

I respectfully disagree. In a healthy relationship, conflicts between two partners are resolved quickly, even despite external stress. Partners either work it out between themselves, or with a 3rd party therapist involved. Within a healthy relationship dynamic, unresolved conflicts do not go on for very long because both people are willing and able to respectfully address it, talk about it and resolve it together, either through compromise or just a general mutually agreed upon understanding.

Having dealt with someone who did the same thing to me (complain about you wanting space then asking for space and then being annoyed by you giving space), he is trying to make you feel a certain way by pushing you further away to cause you distress.
As for the book, try sending a message that you would like to have the book to bring you comfort during your eye surgery and appointments. If you are blocked completely on all communication platforms, have a mutual friend ask on your behalf.

If it takes THIS much thought, it's wasted energy on something that is very negative..... he is blocking you everywhere. I would take that as a strong message to walk away. Why analyze it when he's blocking you? What are you clinging onto? He is not the only man on earth who exists. Plenty of other men and others who will treat you far better than this.

Relationships that are that miserable and negative after less than a year have no where to go but downhill. First year is a honeymoon time. Sometimes some issues arise later and people work on them but who needs that many issues that early on? Too many fights and drama. Who needs that?

Also constantly questioning what someone means by this or that and what’s he planning on doing and what everything means is not a sign of a good relationship whatsoever. I knew what my husband meant by anything he said or did from the first date forward. Who needs all this guessing game?

This is too much drama to be a healthy, functional relationship. Move on.

Are you guys IRL or virtual? Im kinda lost here.

I thought the same thing but then OP’s possessions being in the guy’s house made it look that they are in the same area. But then again OP asked how would she see him in person. It would be easy, wouldn’t? Very confused.

In my long life experience I observed that sometimes ladies think they are in serious relationships but nothing in guys’ actions indicate they thinks they are in relationship at all, let alone serious one. He is just living his life doing his own thing while woman agonize what he thinks and when is he coming back to her. I used to run into this when I was young. Young women thought they are about to get married while guys were just living their lives.

I think I used to do that too when I was young. Imagining something that just wasn’t there.

Men in serious relationships don’t block their partners. This just isn’t it. Plus if it was that serious it would be easy to get the stuff. Send him a letter, leave a note on his door, tell him to leave things in the porch and pick it up or just come over and knock on the door (bring a friend if need to)

Drive to his house. Ring the bell. After a year long relationship, it’s not a problem to just show up. Or put a note on his door asking for it to be left on a porch and you’ll pick it up. Ask it to be mailed to you. Leave an envelope and stamps in a plastic bag on his porch/door. Mail him a letter asking for grandpas book. Ask mutual friends or a relative to go get it

Many options to get your stuff from him. Of course some exes could refuse to return things. But that’s why it’s wise not to get entangled with people who are inclined to not return things. And next time don’t give them such prized possessions