[blackenedangel]

<font color=blue> I went out with a guy friend last night that I have not seen in a long while and I spent a little time with him. Well, I called my husband to make sure it was okay and I guess I gave Christopher (my husband) the impression that my guy friend was just going to bring me back home, well I went and hung out with my guy friend instead of coming straight home. My guy friend did something that just shocked me and I told Christopher about it. My guy friend kissed me, I did not kiss him back that I know of, but I do know that I was so frozen that I could not pull away, all I could think about was Christopher and asked my guy friend to take me home and he did. Christopher met my guy friend when he brought me home and then my guy friend left. My husband was upset with me (which I could not blame him) and my mother came over and the 3 of us had a talk. I failed to tell them about the kiss last night, but I told Christopher about 3 hours ago, when I know I should have told them last night. I have done nothing but cry and have the fear of Chris not coming back home to me. He keeps promising that he will, but I am scared that this kiss is the end of us. I am not sure what to do, I hope someone can help me. I know I do not come in this section of the forum very often, but I thought this was a good place to post this. Thank you for reading this, I really do appreciate it. If you have any advice please feel free to let me know what it is any way you can. Thank you!

<font color=blue> Sending Kitten Hugs and Kitten Kisses to you,
Brandi Kathleen aka: Kitten "meow" </font color=blue>
<font color=purple>Cat Kisses
Sandpaper kisses on a cheek or a chin
That is the way for a day to begin!
Sandpaper kisses a cuddle and a purr
I have an alarm clock that is covered in fur.
Author Unknown </font color=purple>

[gloria]

WATCH OUT!!! I SEE WARNING SIGNS EVERYWHERE!
Don't worry about your husband, he'll be back. He told you so. Wehre I see the warnings are:
1- Is that friend your friend? Mmmm. Put some thought into it. He knows you are married, right?
2- That kiss .... Besides being totally surprised and too shocked to pull back, what did you feel? DO NOT ANSWER TO ME, answer to yourself.
3- What stopped you from telling your husband right away? Fear? Is that worth digging more into?

Don't answer any questions to this post through this forum, they are just food for thought for you.

Best of luck, and don't feel so bad about what happened. This too shall pass.

gab

[saudade]

I'm trying to figure what the bad thing you did is. Your posting's got me thinking about the men in my life (there used to be). Aren't all of us girls/women somehow programmed to not take action when it comes to attraction? Don't people sometimes just get high on something and just go ahead and kiss others? Because the tendency in your situation (married) is for you to think that you teased your guy friend, but I get the feeling this is not necessarily true.
You feel guilty both about being kissed by another man and about not telling your old man about it.
If it was a meaningless kiss (such things do exist, don't they) and you feel like you didn't kiss him back, then maybe you're being too hard on yourself, possibly for being an attractive person/woman. But it's out of guilt?! If you are attractive, you're not guilty. If you didn't kiss him back, your husband didn't need to know, because you're not guilty. Seriously.
And even if the kiss meant something... you are not guilty.
But if it happens again, maybe you should just keep it to yourself and not share it with your Christopher.

Love
Peace

[krzyk101]

Hi,

I do not think that you did a bad thing at all. In fact just the opposite, I think you did a good thing.

You were honest about the entire situation. This would be something that you would have to carry around with yourself and be hurting even more had you remained silent and the guilt you feel would eat away at you.

I am sure that Christopher will need some time to process all of this, and by being honest with him there are no secrets. You did not asked to be kissed by your guy friend, and it was forced on you and as you said you pulled away due to your love for Christopher. This is no more your fault as if you were attractive or unattractive. The fact is that someone you thought you could trust, had other intentions which you seem to have been unaware of.

By not keeping this from the man you love, only builds the foundation that in my opinion a relationship needs to have in order to be healthy. Honesty and open communication. I have a feeling you will be having nothing to do with this guy friend in the future, and that you did the right thing. You now know that this guy friend does not have respect enough for you, and that he needs to be kicked to the curb.

I wish you the best, and am happy to hear that you have an open and honest relationship with your man.

Take Care-Chris

______________
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[Sesquix]

I guess you have to ask yourself how it came to this. I have a friend who likes to flirt because she is missing so much attention from her hubbie. Not that you are flirting, you just might be missing something from your relationship. That should be something to think about like the others wrote. I just know that to even think about kissing another guy romantically would feel so wrong and yucky. I do have a male friend who I go out with some, but I am 32 and he is 64. He is a friend of the family and his wife dies last year. My husband doesn't care if I go out with this freind for lunch or shag dancing. But I am sure if it were a younger man the circumstances would be different.

[leela]

Gosh, you are so childish it's pathetic. Both of you. you and your husband.
There is somthing very very immature about you two handling this.
Feeling guilty...crying... what a drama! over what?

Leela

[Wants2Fly]

Who are YOU?

[donaquixote]

I second that, Wants2Fly.

[dexter]

blackenedangel...

Actions may be "mature" or "immature" (by at least one person's standards) appropriate or inappropriate, helpful or destructive.

But feelings are not any of those things, they just are. We feel what we feel no matter where those feelings originate. In our case, many of those feelings arise from the dark negativity of our depression.

We may wish to guide you to an understanding that your feelings are "normal" under a certain circumstance (such as under the stress of finding a new job), or help you to see that they are manufactured internally without basis in reality (such as believing that you are unworthy of love because of an abusive relationship in the past). But please don't ever feel guilty for feeling one way or another, and never be embarrased or ashamed to express your feelings here. We are here to help you through the worst of those feelings, not to judge their "worthiness".

{{{{{{{{blackenedangel}}}}}}}}

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

[bptoo]

leela,

There are certainly many other productive ways you could have expressed your opinion about this. We come here for education and support. Your post is neither. Just because you don't agree with something that is said here, it doesn't give you the right to call names and be insulting. Please be more considerate to other people's feeling when posting in the future. Speak to others as you would want to be spoken to. If you don't feel that you can do that, then ignoring the post altogether is a good alternative.

Thank you,
Greg



"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty - that is all you know on earth, and all you need to know"

[darkeyes]

I am sorry to say this, but comments like that are not words of support, or any productive, postive suggestion.
This is a support forum, not a place to insult or belittle anyone, I hope if you wish to reply again, you will realize what this website is for, and think before you type. You may want to go over the webmaster's guidelines/disclaimer just to understand what I am saying here.

Best regards,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[darkeyes]

Well, a good thing is that you spoke about it, and that is being honest, sure your husband is hurt, some may be furious, I think in time talking about your feelings towards your husband is important right now, re assure him that you aren't looking for guys, that you are happy with him (hope you both are) in time things will work out, if it looks like things are pulling apart then I would suggest a marriage counseler to help sort things out and get real feelings understood, etc. It is worth a try if things do not improve.
I must say your honesty and self discipline were admirable
Please take care.
Wishing you lots of love and luck with this

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[Zenobia]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Blackenedangel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I can totally understand why you would feel the way you felt about the kiss and the fear you had about your husband. I don't know Christopher--though my own husband is named Christopher, he goes by Chris--but I bet he will be back. You have been honest and up front. You have done nothing wrong. Some guy took advantage of the moment and gave you an unsolicited kiss. I would be shocked too and I would probably have froze too. You don't have anything to feel guilty about but the fact you do feel guilty goes to show just how important you husband and your relationship to him is.

Give your hubby a little time to process this information. In the end it may become an ego boost for him after all he has the complete love and affection of a woman whom other guys want to mosh upon. I would imagine however that he will not be too keen on you seeing other old guy friends by yourself in the near future. Who could blame him. This must be rather scarey for him.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

[labyrinth]

the only thing you could have done was what you did do... say something, tell the truth; you didn't necessarily lie. besides, if your husband truly loves you, he will come back. marriage doesn't mean that a kiss can foul everything up.

a kiss is but a kiss, unless it is from someone we love

"If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear the pain of loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater."

[Wants2Fly]

Thank you, idexter and bptoo, for your wonderfully kind, wise, concise, and educational posts that respected both L and B and all contributors and made the boundaries clear. I was so upset with L's post that I was at a loss for appropriate words. In reading back, I see that B could have even thought that I was referring to her! Thank you for taking care of this so with such great compassion and respect for all of us. We are so lucky to have forum contributors such as you to get things on track. Thank you.