[FeelingLost78]

I did something really stupid and now I’m worried I have lost my boyfriend. We’ve been together for about a year. I’m really upset. I would like some real solid advice and opinions and not just things I want to hear.

I’m Heartbroken. My boyfriend blocked me last night after I sent him a couple of stupid drunk text messages. I want to make things right and I don’t know if I can. For a few weeks he’s been planning a trip away to see his sister. He left yesterday. I went out last night to a concert and came back. I was fine. We texted a bit and he said, “goodnight cutie! Have a good night!!” Then I stupidly drank and sent him a couple of drunk texts. He blocked me last night.

I am also having Vision problems and need major eye surgery.

The drunk text in question was basically this, “I want to be alone right now. I’m having a hard time dealing with my eye issues. Leave me alone please. I’m scared” of course this was a drunk text and I didn’t mean it.

I was able to reach him this morning on my spare phone. I asked him why he blocked me. He said, “I blocked you because you were being retarded last night.” I texted him back, “Please unblock me. I’m sorry sweetie.” Then, “I’m just depressed.” Followed by, “we’ll talk when you get back” and then, “I love you.” Finally, “all I can say right now is I’m sorry.” He texted back 4 hours later and said, “We’ll talk when I’m back…you are making things worse, you need to think about things clearly.” I don’t even know what he meant by that. Then I responded, “I know, you’re right. I’m gonna do better. Just the last week or so has been a little hard on me with some stuff. I just found out my surgery is at the end of April, so that makes me feel a bit better. For sure, we’ll talk after you’re home.” I haven’t texted him since and I haven’t heard from him.

He was already annoyed with me from the day before about something. He hasn’t totally blocked me. He blocked me on Facebook and on his phone, but not on Instagram and last I knew I could still reach him on my spare phone, but he could have blocked that too by now.

I am hoping this is just a case of his needing some space. I annoyed him. Give him a day or two to cool off. But I’m worried he’s done with me. I’m also worried I’ll never hear from him again. Do you think things will be okay, or do you think I kind of ruined this?

[divine1966]

I am sorry about your eye issue. I wish you luck with your surgery

Well people get into fights but blocking is extreme. Having said that I don’t want to sound harsh but do you have drinking problem? I was in the relationship with alcoholic (not saying you are), but by the time I realized he had a problem I was so invested. Few months into it he sounded drunk on the phone and I had a bad feeling but thought it’s just an accident. Turned out it wasn’t and I wished I left the minute he sounded drunk and forever blocked him. I had no experience in that as neither me nor my family or friends drink so I didn’t know what’s going on.

Do you often drink? Does he? You don’t have to answer but these kinds of things do cause problems

[Etcetera1]

Originally Posted by FeelingLost78

I did something really stupid and now I’m worried I have lost my boyfriend. We’ve been together for about a year. I’m really upset. I would like some real solid advice and opinions and not just things I want to hear.

I’m Heartbroken. My boyfriend blocked me last night after I sent him a couple of stupid drunk text messages. I want to make things right and I don’t know if I can. For a few weeks he’s been planning a trip away to see his sister. He left yesterday. I went out last night to a concert and came back. I was fine. We texted a bit and he said, “goodnight cutie! Have a good night!!” Then I stupidly drank and sent him a couple of drunk texts. He blocked me last night.

I am also having Vision problems and need major eye surgery.

The drunk text in question was basically this, “I want to be alone right now. I’m having a hard time dealing with my eye issues. Leave me alone please. I’m scared” of course this was a drunk text and I didn’t mean it.

I was able to reach him this morning on my spare phone. I asked him why he blocked me. He said, “I blocked you because you were being retarded last night.” I texted him back, “Please unblock me. I’m sorry sweetie.” Then, “I’m just depressed.” Followed by, “we’ll talk when you get back” and then, “I love you.” Finally, “all I can say right now is I’m sorry.” He texted back 4 hours later and said, “We’ll talk when I’m back…you are making things worse, you need to think about things clearly.” I don’t even know what he meant by that. Then I responded, “I know, you’re right. I’m gonna do better. Just the last week or so has been a little hard on me with some stuff. I just found out my surgery is at the end of April, so that makes me feel a bit better. For sure, we’ll talk after you’re home.” I haven’t texted him since and I haven’t heard from him.

He was already annoyed with me from the day before about something. He hasn’t totally blocked me. He blocked me on Facebook and on his phone, but not on Instagram and last I knew I could still reach him on my spare phone, but he could have blocked that too by now.

I am hoping this is just a case of his needing some space. I annoyed him. Give him a day or two to cool off. But I’m worried he’s done with me. I’m also worried I’ll never hear from him again. Do you think things will be okay, or do you think I kind of ruined this?

Wow I mean I'm really sorry. This guy is really rude, immature and treats you like s***. Calling that text "retarded" is just not okay, and is extremely rude and he was punitive too, with the blocking following that demeaning text. It's absurd that he'd have to block you over being "retarded", even if you had written an actually idiotic text (and you didn't actually write one). Also it's immature, if he has a problem with whatever, he needs to be able to communicate about it in a respectful way. Actually, I think he's the one who's not thinking clearly if he has to resort to irrational and immature methods like blocking. Instead of rational and reasonable communication. And last but not least, how is your apologising and saying you love him is "making things worse"?! Again, he has trouble with thinking clearly, for sure. He was not even able to articulate what his problem was about your apology and your telling him you love him. Obviously those texts are just fine, he just got overemotional and lost all rationality and reasonableness. I would suggest rethinking this relationship, and to see if you would be able to break up with him and find someone else who's going to treat you better. I wish you the best luck with it all.

[FeelingLost78]

He and I are both social drinkers. He a little more, but nothing that would be problematic.

[FeelingLost78]

You’re right about the immaturity. I mean, he’s almost 41 years old. What is this, high school? I also think it’s very immature. I could see blocking me if it was a lot more major than that. But it was one bad night.

[FeelingLost78]

The making things worse part I’m not so clear on exactly what he meant by that. You said in your comment that my apologizing and telling him I love him was making things worse. Did he mean that, by saying it, or did he mean the fact I was drunk making things worse. I didn’t tell him in my messages that I was drunk, but I think it was pretty obvious that it was a drunk text.

I may be wrong or I may be raising some eyebrows here. It sounds like to me that he's totally not interested in you. I think that you rubbed him the wrong way and he doesn't want you.

With me, I've had that happen. I'd be with a woman who was stoned and I didn't like the way she was acting. Being stoned, she would make me feel so uncomfortable that even an apology wouldn't help.

I have "blocked" and used some hurtful words myself when anyone (man or woman) gets on the wrong side of me more than enough. It's not my nature to do that very thing, but I would when I feel like I have been pushed well over the limit. I give people chances when they make mistakes; but then they don't improve or get worse. And that's when I have to get tough or lose my mind and be in a relationship that's not good for me.

Maybe it will all turn out alright, but if it doesn't, then all I can say is just remember this and chalk it up to experience. If it doesn't work out then you can think hard about all of this and do better the next time.

[Etcetera1]

Originally Posted by will19

I may be wrong or I may be raising some eyebrows here. It sounds like to me that he's totally not interested in you. I think that you rubbed him the wrong way and he doesn't want you.

With me, I've had that happen. I'd be with a woman who was stoned and I didn't like the way she was acting. Being stoned, she would make me feel so uncomfortable that even an apology wouldn't help.

I have "blocked" and used some hurtful words myself when anyone (man or woman) gets on the wrong side of me more than enough. It's not my nature to do that very thing, but I would when I feel like I have been pushed well over the limit. I give people chances when they make mistakes; but then they don't improve or get worse. And that's when I have to get tough or lose my mind and be in a relationship that's not good for me.

Maybe it will all turn out alright, but if it doesn't, then all I can say is just remember this and chalk it up to experience. If it doesn't work out then you can think hard about all of this and do better the next time.

Getting tough doesn't equate blocking the other person with demeaning insults. That's rude and mean, not tough.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by will19

I may be wrong or I may be raising some eyebrows here. It sounds like to me that he's totally not interested in you. I think that you rubbed him the wrong way and he doesn't want you.

With me, I've had that happen. I'd be with a woman who was stoned and I didn't like the way she was acting. Being stoned, she would make me feel so uncomfortable that even an apology wouldn't help.

I have "blocked" and used some hurtful words myself when anyone (man or woman) gets on the wrong side of me more than enough. It's not my nature to do that very thing, but I would when I feel like I have been pushed well over the limit. I give people chances when they make mistakes; but then they don't improve or get worse. And that's when I have to get tough or lose my mind and be in a relationship that's not good for me.

Maybe it will all turn out alright, but if it doesn't, then all I can say is just remember this and chalk it up to experience. If it doesn't work out then you can think hard about all of this and do better the next time.

I see your point. You might be right but I still think he didn’t handle it well.

Personally I’d never date anyone who ever gets stoned and I made a mistake getting involved with a drinker once but it doesn’t mean I had to be rude to them or lead them on with fake promises to talk later. There’s a polite way to end a relationship in a kinder manner.

Blocking is a drastic measure if they keep harassing you after you told them to stop. It’s unnecessary to just block people the minute you decided they are a bad match

I do get it that sometimes people are pushed over the limit. Then I hope he apologizes and ends a relationship in a proper way and doesn’t act out of control when he calms down.

Some people just don’t know how to end relationships politely (no insults and not dragging it out and leading people on when it’s obvious it’s over)

[Rive.]

You annoyed him?! His reaction seems pretty extreme.

You have an upcoming surgery and are, understandably scared. So, you text 'I want to be alone' and not only does he show you a total lack of support or empathy but he blocks you AND calls you "retarded". And now YOU are the one who has to grovel. Wow.

What kind of relationship is this that whenever things get rough (or whenever his highness is upset) he cuts you off? That is a major red flag. He is basically 'teaching' you to: 'behave, do as I want you to or I will cut you off'

I think you would be better off without such a controlling male in your life. It all seems to be on HIS terms. What kind of relationship is that? A one-sided for, for sure.

[Rive.]

And I'm sorry but "do better next time"? The OP didn't even do anything 'wrong'. The OP is the one who got blocked, was insulted and the one begging for forgiveness and the OP should think carefully and "do better next time"?! Unbelievable.

[Bill3]

This guy shows himself to be unsupportive of you and to insult, block, and ignore you. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

[FeelingLost78]

He drinks more than I do. He goes to ti the bars at night sometimes. He drinks more than I do. Then he's going to be hypocritical toward me with it?

[FeelingLost78]

So, about 11:00 last night, I get a message from him, "Let's just be friends." He's said that to me before when we've had disagreements and he didn't mean it. I hope that's the case this time. I felt compelled to respond because I had to say something. I know I shouldn't have and it would have been better to ignore it, but I responded. This is the message I sent back to him, "No, (his name). Listen, the message you sent last night before you blocked me was a drunk text and I didn't mean it. I actually sent it by accident. I meant to delete it and accidentally hit send. I went to the concert last night, came home, and had some drinks. I feel really bad for what I said to you. We all make mistakes and fall off the wagon sometimes. I don't want time alone. Things have been going really well for us. Neither of us just want to be friends and we both know that."

I realize I shouldn't have sent that, but when I received the "let's be friends" message I felt I had to explain what happened. He has not responded. He's completely ignoring me now. He may still say something. He is away visiting his sister, and probably doesn't want to deal with this right now. Still though, ignoring someone who's trying to reach out to you is incredibly rude. He may say something when he gets back. If he does, I don;t know what to say to him. I said and did everything I could do. The ball is really in his court. I know that i was honest. I also know his behavior with me is immature and cowardly.

[FeelingLost78]

If one bad night is unforgivable, that's pretty bad. I have forgiven him for so much he's done when I probably shouldn't have. Now he's going to treat me this way?

[FeelingLost78]

Now I just accidentally called him! Oh, Lord! I was messing with my phone and trying to add some contacts and accidentally dialed him. I hung up when I realized my error.

[Etcetera1]

Originally Posted by FeelingLost78

The making things worse part I’m not so clear on exactly what he meant by that. You said in your comment that my apologizing and telling him I love him was making things worse. Did he mean that, by saying it, or did he mean the fact I was drunk making things worse. I didn’t tell him in my messages that I was drunk, but I think it was pretty obvious that it was a drunk text.

I only saw this now. So OK, my read of the situation going by your initial post was that he saw you as all over the place with your emotions, apologising and saying how you are just depressed and you love him and all that, so in my read it's like he couldn't handle your emotions and his own emotions either. He got really insecure and irrational as a result.

That's btw why his treatment of you wasn't actually about "getting tough", it was anything but tough, it was more like really emotionally reactive with all the blocking and insults.

If he was to "get tough" like he realises he doesn't actually want you in his life for whatever reason and needs to end this relationship, he would still be able to act rational and treat you in a decent way when breaking up with you, since you did nothing to try and harm him in any way.

That's toughness to me, if a man is able to act rational and not get overwhelmed, irrational and reactive - irrational, where he feels the need to take out his emotions on others while calling others irrational - but simply makes the tough decisions and takes action on them while remaining calm and collected and focused.

This guy is a jerk and I wish you could see it. I wish you could be the one walking away. He is ending things in a completely inappropriate way and he sounds mean. (he uses the word "retarded," he blocks you out of nowhere over a text). Also who wants to "just be friends" with someone who just broke up with them? I'm not friends with any of my exes. He sounds cruel. No one I'd want to be with.


I personally think it was a good thing you told him that you'd texted him drunk - that's honesty, and its communication. I think its good that you apologized. Though you definitely don't need to grovel.


This guy isn't worth anymore communication with. You might regret it, if you do keep trying to talk to him, and it won't make you feel better later on, to try to convince him to come back to you. That's my advice, but at the same time, please do what you feel is best for you.


Good luck with you eye surgery. I hope it goes well.

[Have Hope]

This sounds like too much drama to me. Blocking? Did he really need to block you over an erroneous text? He could have had more compassion for you after you explained yourself and apologized. I mean, sure, to be fair, your text wasn't a welcoming text towards him and told him to leave you alone. That does send a message that you don't really want the relationship. Still, you explained, and he should have been able to let it go and not hold it against you, especially given what you're going through with your eye surgery and depression.

Is this guy worth it to you? I agree with others that he sounds immature.

[FeelingLost78]

I’m feeling just horrible. I didn’t really break up with him. It was a drunk text. Even if he took it that way, he still didn’t have to block me. I feel so bad. I tried sending him a quick text about an hour ago on my spare phone that last I knew I wasn’t blocked on, but might be now. All I said to him was, “good morning, how are you doing?” No response. I have no idea if he has blocked that number too or not. That’s an android phone and I always use an iPhone. All it says is “delivered” with the time next to it. He’s completely ignoring me. What he’s done is very rude. Why is he being so mean to me? I don’t deserve it. I explained myself to him, though I have no idea if he got that message even. He hasn’t blocked me on Instagram, and I know I should leave him alone. But I have things I want to say to him. I’m going to wait until Monday when he’s back from his trip. Maybe he’ll talk to me then. I feel I deserve to know why he’s so angry with me. He may or may not answer me. I feel so hurt and heartbroken.

I do agree with all of you that he’s being immature. What a horrible thing to do to someone. If I received that message from him, I would likely know it’s a drunk text. If not, I would have texted back and had the courtesy to ask what’s going on. I wouldn’t have just blocked the person.

As to whether or not he does talk to me when he’s back remains to be seen. I think we should do that, at least. He may have things to say, too. I do want to hear it if he does.

I don’t know what to do from here. My attempting to keep contacting him can go very badly. On the other hand, he may decide to finally talk. I don’t know. I just wish it wasn’t like this.

[Nammu]

You can’t control someone else and calling him names does not negate your bad behavior. Work on yourself. No drunk binging, and no using the phone when you are not in control of yourself. Just leave him alone while he’s at his sisters and accept that the relationship may be over. Move on and know better next time not to get drunk and use the phone.

[FeelingLost78]

He did respond to me this morning. He said, good morning, I’m doing good. Then asked me how I am and said he’s having a good time on his trip. I responded to him that I’m doing okay. Then said I’m glad he’s having a good time and asked how a concert was that he went to while away. I don’t know if his communication a means we’re not broken up or if he was being friendly. I think it’s a good sign, though.

I know I should stop with this and accept I have to let him go after the way he’s treated me the last few days. It’s often much harder. We both messed up that night. I sent the drunk text and he blocked me. We both behaved badly. I don’t know. The fact he answered me makes me fee a little better, but I need to tread very carefully.

Good luck with your eye surgery, you can do better than him, you deserve better

[Have Hope]

I would back off and maybe just focus on your own life instead. See your friends/family, talk to other people and get your mind off of HIM. He seems to want to play childish games.

[FeelingLost78]

We did talk for a bit last night. He responded and said the concert was awesome. He was hanging out before going to the airport. We talked a bit and actually had a couple laughs. I told him to let me know he was back. He said okay. I said goodnight, and he said goodnight. Awhile later, I said to him to please unblock me. He hasn’t. We’ve been communicating on my spare phone. So, if we can do that, I don’t understand why he’s keeping me blocked on my regular phone. Anyway, was he messing with me? I thought things were okay again after talking last night. It was a nice and pleasant conversation. I don’t know why he’s doing this. I need to just be done with him if he’s going to play games with me. Maybe I’m missing something, but if you don’t want to be with someone, then you just wouldn’t communicate, or not communicate in a way that seems as though everything is fine again. Is it okay for me to just come out and ask him if we are or not? Or should this behavior pretty much answer that? I don’t know. You don’t play games with people. Why isn’t he unblocking me if he seemed fine with talking last night? He could have just been bored.