I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

How many more car loads? I hope his last load is soon

He said he’ll come here every night until he’s done. I have no idea how many car loads. He thinks just a few.

he needs to be giving you a number

I just asked and he said he doesn’t know. I can’t push him. I have zero control over him.

*comes over so Have Hope has someone there*

I’m the type that I would collect what is left, throw it in boxes, set it by the door, and tell him to come and get it. That’s just me, but I would take control and not give him the excuse to keep dragging the trips out. There is no way he had so much stuff left that it should take multiple days and trips. But I understand if you don’t want to go through his stuff. It just feels like he’s creating one more way to stall: I’d take that power away.

I understand what you guys are saying, but it's not what I am going or willing to do. He can move all his own stuff, I am not going to pack it up for him, and if it takes a few days, it takes a few days. I had given him until Nov 1 to move out, so that's actually a couple more weeks and I imagine he'll be completely out within one week. Thanks, though, for supporting and wanting to help me!!! I greatly appreciate it.

As soon as 1st November is here, anything you don't want, send it to the charity shop or put it in the bin or give it away, make sure he knows anything of his that is still in the house on the 2nd November is getting thrown out

What did movers take if his stuff is still there? Furniture?

Yes, all his furniture and boxes that were in storage in our attic were moved. He says his back is trashed and that's why he's not packing more boxes. Like I said, I cannot force him to do anything, which does suck, but it is what it is. He got most of it out yesterday.

He texted last night telling me his mother has a tumor in her lung and was in the ER and now a hospital bed, given one month or less to live.

I was sleeping so I kept my replies short.

But this reminds me of the last time we separated, and when his father was ill, in and out of the hospital just before HE died.

This is yet another way for him to manipulate me into replying to him, and to gain my sympathy. And once again, I am in a bind because I have a good heart and have trouble NOT replying to these types of texts.

He started to tell me he is all alone with this, and is in a daze, not knowing what to do - all I wrote back was that I needed to sleep. I could not reply to that particular text with any amount of sympathy, so I cut off the conversation and went to bed.

He’s not all alone in all this. And not knowing what to do is another ploy. He needs to talk to a doctor and follow what doctors say. There is nothing one can do besides that.

Losing parents is hard but natural progression of things as people will get old and possibly sick and then things will go the way they go.

In every family someone will be getting sick and will be dying and we would never be able to end any relationship as there’s never the right time. If you stay with him because now mom is dying, next time it will be his back is hurting and he is sick or someone else will be sick. It will never end. No one is getting younger

There's nothing you can do about his mum being sick, whether she is actually sick or not, as divine said its the doctors he should be talking to about it, he's trying to manipulate you

Yep - I know it’s a ploy, which is why I cut off the conversation and said I was sleeping.

He’s so full of manipulative tactics - what will be next?

You already know what comes next. Likely a fight of some type with some name calling and then he will cycle into love bombing and disbelief/denial about your feelings.

It's just a guess on my part. But he will likely act similarly to past behaviors and major stress events. Is his pattern guilt trip, angry outburst, love bomb, denial, short period of quiet and then back into guilt trip its like a tornado... always spinning and churning but you never know how much damage it will do.

Yep - that’s the pattern!!

Right now he’s acting all accepting of the divorce. He called today to let me know he spoke with the lawyer about updating our divorce agreement.

We shall see how he behaves in the weeks coming up. If he has found new narcissistic supply, then it’s easier for him to discard me and move on.

All of that being said, I can feel my happy cells within my entire body coming back to life!!!! I went to bed, basically at peace because he isn't under the same roof anymore, and I woke up excited and happy to begin my new life without him. I am in fact very hyper today, filled with excitement. So, that's the good news in all of this!!!! HOORAY!

Have Hope deserves happiness

@willowtigger, thank you!

So., I left my house last night before he showed up to pack more of his things. I couldn't deal with an encounter with him, and didn't want to get sucked into any conversation about his mother, so I left. I am working on protecting my boundaries and happiness.

There's a time and place for avoiding confrontation and you have found it!

Happiness has become a choice for you now. I hope it keeps finding you.

@RollercoasterLover, thank you!!

And YES, happiness has become a choice for me now, and I am finding far greater inner peace these days.

I went out last night on my own and met up with some friends. I had a great time dancing and being without my husband, who always wanted to leave early during shows and who always held me back from dancing because he needed to frequently be holding my hand while we danced. I feel so free now...

I know I am not entirely free yet, but I am getting my first taste of what that truly feels like, and it feels GREAT!

I am so happy for you!!

Have Hope is the bestest most amazingest Have Hope in the whole of the universes

@Bill3, thanks so much!!!