I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

It's not your fault about his mum

No, it's not my fault... and honestly? She was quite mean to me the last time I saw her (last summer). She made several mean remarks about me, right in front of me, and I was very hurt by her comments. Like mother, like son.

Did he forget that he wasnt "your person" when your own dad passed? Not attending the memorial?

I think you were brave to offer him any condolences at all. Knowing he would not be gracious about it.

I know, right?!? He did forget, apparently.

And thank you very much... I tried to do the right thing and I was trying to be nice and I got my head bitten off.

You don't deserve meanness, Have Hope

Thank you, and no I don't. She had a mean streak.

Can't get edit to work on this phone, not sure if I spelled meanness right

Don't want spelling polices after me

Loves and kindnesses for Have Hope

Damn phone

((((( Have Hope )))))

Thank you, my dear.

((((((((Fuzzybear))))))))

Thank you!

Update: I am feeling and experiencing my newfound FREEDOM, and it feels absolutely AMAZING!

No longer do I need to be held down in bed each morning, as he holds me & prevents me from getting up when I want to.

No longer do I need to cater to each of his physical ailments that bother him on any given day. It was always about HIM, how HE feels today, and what HE needs. I felt like I was living with an immobilized invalid, at the early age of 50 - I am far too young and healthy to be held back from doing all the things I want to do that involve physical activity. I was CAPTIVE to his ailments.

No longer do I need to leave a concert halfway through, as he always wanted. No longer do I need to forgo concerts/bands that I wish to see. He never would want to come with me to those bands that I liked - only when I begged him.

No longer do I need to wait for him to finish playing his stupid video game whenever we got into the car to go somewhere, or whenever we planned to eat. I always had to WAIT, patiently for him to finish. No longer do I need to feel neglected because my husband is buried in his phone constantly!

No longer does he rearrange my own belongings for me. I have an extensive crystal collection, some of which sits beside my bed on the bedside table. I would arrange them as I liked, yet he would rearrange them! ARGH.

No longer do I need to wait for him to decide what to eat for dinner - which often took him a half hour to decide! I swear, he did this on purpose to simply control the process. I would make at least 5 different suggestions, all of which he would turn down. It had to be up to HIM to decide what we were going to eat! Every single day.

No longer do I need to lend him money to cover himself since he would run out before his next paycheck! Then by doing so, it would set ME back financially, making things tighter for me every single month!

No longer do I need to remind him to go get his laundry from the basement! I played mother to him!

No longer do I need to clean up after him throughout the home - he would leave empty wrappers and milk glasses on his bedside table and within the drawers. I was constantly picking up after him - CONSTANTLY.

No longer do I need to be TOLD or ORDERED to pet the cats - I want to pet the cats when I wish to - not when he tells me to!

No longer do I need to cater to his every mood and whim.

And no longer do I need to keep myself quiet, walking on eggshells around him, afraid that I may set him off at any time over any innocent question I ask.

No longer do I need to listen to HIS stories of concerts past. That grew OLD FAST. All he has are concerts to talk about. My world narrowed because of him and I got squashed. All of my cool experiences of travel and adventure rarely were discussed or even acknowledged by him when I did bring them up. So, after a while, I would just stay quiet because I wasn't acknowledged.

So, I am in HEAVEN right now with my newfound FREEDOM from being under his thumb. I feel like a brand new me has come to life!!! I've missed this side of me - I've missed ME.

I feel GREAT! I am happy, I am far more at peace, and this is the most incredible feeling in the world right now. I am SO grateful. I am grateful that I finally listened to my own inner voice that told me to GET OUT and to GET OUT NOW before I got hurt again and before it got far worse. I am thankful that I am financially in a position to be able to afford my apartment on my own. I am thankful I am employed. I am thankful for everything I have, and for all the people who have supported me through this ordeal.

I can finally BREATHE. YAY.

I am glad you got out, Have Hope

So here we go again.

This morning and in my last post, I was feeling happy, free and alive again.

Then, he comes over to pick up more of his belongings from the home. He decides to give me grief - yet again - over something of his that I previously broke by ACCIDENT. Then he picks a fight with me, which escalates to me hiding in my room, him yelling at me and me having to yell back "leave me alone!"

He told me that my therapist "told him things" about me. I had to write a note to the therapist just now, telling him that that is a breach of patient confidentiality. I am LIVID. OR, my husband is lying. We shall see - I asked the therapist to tell me what he told my husband about me.

And, he now claims I wasn't there for him when his mother died and that I broke up with him during a crisis. I DID call him yesterday to express my sincere condolences. He's SO full of it. I said there is no good time to divorce, and what was I going to do? Live a lie and pretend that I love him?

He's playing the victim now and of course, I'm the bad guy in all of this!

And, now that I have told my husband that I no longer love him, he is claiming he no longer loves me. How old are we? Just two days ago he told me he still loves me. Whatever, he's SO full of BS.

So, once again, I told him to get out of my life ASAP. And I told him I don't care if he doesn't love me anymore. GOOD I said.

I HATE and DESPISE him.... and now I am full of anger, which was his intention, when I had been really happy when I first woke up.

Once he has cleared all his stuff you can block him from everything, then he can never upset you again

I just unfriended him on my Facebook. There is no reason for us to be friends on there anymore. Next, will be blocking his number on my phone, once he is 100% moved out. He will be forced to communicate with me by email only.

Is that just until the divorce is done?

I will go no contact unless it has to do with divorce details. Then after the divorce, 100% no contact. I want NOTHING to do with him.

Your soon to be ex husband sounds illogical. When he forces you to listen to his illogical thoughts (picking up yet another box)... if he says I want to work this out, and a few sentences later says you weren't there for him blah blah blah... take the line of control. It's OK to say he's right that you weren't there ( you werent and thats ok, you dont want or need to be), but remind him your reasons for that is because you have nothing good to give him. His choices are be happy he's free, be miserable he's free or be quiet and deal with it. He still has choices.

Yes, he is illogical, along with contradictory, spiteful, vengeful, and full of negative energy. I saged my apartment after he left to clear the apt of his toxic negative energy. Who needs it?!? I certainly do not. And his choices? He deliberately is trying to anger & provoke me so he still has control over me or my emotions. This makes him feel powerful. Well, screw that. I told him that he likes to anger me. And once again, I told him to get the hell out of my life.

He says that I "abandoned" him - I said in response that there IS no good time and what was I going to do? Live a lie and pretend I love someone I no longer love or want to be with? Insanity.

He just cannot help himself. He is a nasty person with many demons.

Women on my abuse forum tell me I am being too nice. They advise that I take the rest of his stuff, box it up and place it outside. I could do that actually and put it inside the front foyer, just outside my apartment door. I could do that.... he was so nasty this morning, I am wondering if I AM being far too nice. But then again, he'll probably yell at me for touching his things, and for packing them all wrong. As usual - I am always wrong.

Boxing up the rest of his stuff and leaving it outside sounds like a good idea to me. And then you could have him return his key. Or change the locks if he won't return it.