I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

AND, husband is emotion dumping on me. This morning, more texts about all his losses, how lost he is, how much he misses me and howe much this all just sucks and hurts. He said he was even thinking of taking a leave of absence from work because he's such a wreck, but he doesn't want to lose his job on top of everything. So now I am getting the sob story, more tears and the emotional outpour.

He still has ONE MORE TRIP to make to the apartment to get his stuff out, which will be tomorrow after work.

How much stuff does he have?????

Not even that much!!! His back is in agony so he’s moving what he can stand to move.

if his back is in that much pain, he should be getting someone to help him move boxes

People who have back pains hire movers or ask friends to help. Where are they when he needs help?

He tells you sob stories because you listen. Don’t listen. He’s a grown man. He needs to take care of his life like the rest of us. Leave of absence? Ok now. Unless he can get FMLA paid fully or partially he isn’t taking leave of absence. Not with his partying life style. He can’t pay bills as it is. I call BS

He already hired movers who moved all the furniture and boxes in the attic. He is moving the rest himself. I explained that he didn't pack boxes, so he is doing this piecemeal. And, no, he has no friends helping him.

I think a leave of absence was him just having a meltdown. I must tell him that I cannot be his emotional dumping ground.

So, today is the day he gets the last of his belongings out of my home. Then it's limited contact except for about any necessary divorce details. I am looking forward to this, but I know for me there will also be a bit of withdrawal. I am used to hearing from him and to being in touch. I will have to shore up on my boundaries and strength to get through this next phase.

Thankfully, I have 2 new friends who are keeping me occupied, positive and forward thinking. I met a very nice couple while out alone, and I am spending time with them this weekend. They are wonderful people, individually and as a couple, and I am so grateful to have met them! They're being very supportive, though I am trying hard not to dump everything on them at once and to avoid emotion & trauma dumping on them myself.

If okay, let us know how today goes!

I also hope today goes well, have hope

Comes over to give have hope moral support

Thank you so much.

Well, I gotta say - that was excruciatingly difficult!

Once again, he had to repeat himself by apologizing for his behavior and for the fights we had that ended our relationship. He made excuses at first, and then said maybe there's something more wrong with him because he "cannot control" his responses when he's upset, angry or frustrated.

I had to tell him to stop talking. I said you're repeating yourself and I've already heard it all. I cut him off.

But then, he kept trying to talk about it... about us. He said his family thinks it's for the best, since I never would believe him when he told me he's been 100% faithful, and ever since his one "slip up". I had to tell him, again, when you break yet another promise, it ruins ALL trust in the whole relationship. He again apologized.

And again, he says he's having a nervous breakdown and doesn't "want to be here anymore". He kept crying and sobbing. And again, I had to cut him off - I told him to speak to a doctor.

I walked away from him, too, a few times, as he was trying to continue repeating himself.

But, he's gone, that was the last trip, and now it's just divorce details.

Thanks for all the moral support.

Good job staying strong. He doesn’t give up does he

No he doesn't! It's 100% maddening! And thank you!!

Well done!

Sounds like you handled the situation really well.

Now that you've set boundries and used them very successfully, you've gotten back some control. Remember this feeling you have now... its your self esteem increasing.

You mentioned a type of withdrawal that is very real. People who have endured abuse have to adjust to not being abused. For some it takes a few weeks, for others it takes their whole life. Be patient with yourself as you adjust and heal. Focus on the future so you know which way to go.

Thanks, everyone.

I am trying to be strong. Last night after he left he sent a very lengthy text that I interpreted as an attempt to manipulate me to his way of thinking - to believe in him and his words. All I wrote in reply was "your words mean nothing to me now. Good night and goodbye". That stopped him from continuing to text.

Being mean goes against my nature. And here, he has left many things of his - things that belong to him - for me to keep in my apartment for my use. I tried to say no - but he wouldn't take no so I caved because I needed many of these things. I know this is likely a mistake, but it is what it is. So, he has left these things for me, I cannot help but be mean to him and it's very uncomfortable for me because I am not this way with other people and I am not mean in general.

Today also starts limited contact. So, I may have achieved deterring him from continuing the dialogue over text. Hopefully, I did. But yes, I believe I will feel some sort of withdrawal.

I wish I felt better than I actually do right now.

You don’t need to even be mean or tell him anything. Everything you do is opening the doors for further conversations. Don’t respond. “Your words mean nothing”. It opens for him to say “but they meant something when we were doing XYZ”. “Don’t contact me”. It opens for “but I love you so much and I wan contact”. Don’t respond. You don’t need to be directly mean.

Him leaving things is a common occurrence. It doesn’t mean anything. It is hard to take everything. I like to get new things when I move. I’d leave stuff behind or donate or pitch. It has no meaning. Either throw them away or use them without giving it any thoughts.

These are just things. They have no meaning. Unless he left his Oscar or his Noble Price or great grandmother’s diamond ring behind, who cares. Don’t spend a minute thinking about it

Hmm.... well, the good news is it stopped him from continuing to message me.

And yeah, I hear you about the belongings. It is just stuff.

Whatever works to stop him from bugging you!

I mainly thought if being mean to him feels bad, not responding might be easier

It does feel bad, so I just won't respond at all next time it comes up.

Have Hope is a wonderful amazing person

Awwwww, thanks so much.

Today has been difficult. I’m missing companionship. And my lone singular cat is meowing a lot, I believe missing her two sisters. It sucks to miss aspects of him in knowing it wasn’t real love. He is incapable. He just wants to use and abuse. I was simply narc supply to him and someone to mother him. It wasn’t real love. I think I’m grieving.