I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

The grieving process we all have to go through in order to heal. It quite normal.

Thanks @Buffy01 for all your support and for the validation. Much appreciated!

He called me and I stupidly picked up the phone. Again he talked at me but asked if he needs to stay away from the music scene. I told him he can do as he pleases and told him not to contact me - that I don’t want anything to do with him. Then I told him it’s always about HIM and how HE feels - not once does he show he cares about how I feel. Screw him. I will block him again.

Yep time to forever block him

your I’m glad that I could support and validate you.

I’m having a bad day. A recruiter wasted my time, the aftermath of seeing my husband and I’m unemployed going through a divorce. No way around it - this sucks.

I blocked my husband on my cell phone - again. I told him I hate him, regret meeting him and regret marrying him. I also said that he failed me as a husband in so many ways, and broke too many promises. Then I blocked him. He hasn't written an email in reply. GOOD.

I really do hate him. Once again, he's full of weak, lame excuses for his bad behavior. This time it's, he read my letter but he didn't think he needed help and he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. He said he took my letter the wrong way. My letter spelled it out for him - these fights are unacceptable and cannot continue, is what I wrote. What does he do with that? He completely ignores everything I wrote and fought with me yet again several days after reading my letter. It shows zero respect for my feelings and opinions.

Screw him. I am so done with listening to his bs.

Actions speak louder than words, Have Hope

YES, and that's exactly what I told him as well. His actions speak volumes, and his words are all empty promises and false.

I finally just stopped replying to him. I cannot listen to his excuses and bs reasoning and longer. And it IS all bs. He just makes up stuff to explain away his bad behaviors and poor treatment of me. Oh, I didn't realize, he says, or I couldn't receive criticism at the time, or my coping skills were lacking because of my mom's failing health. Whatever the case may be, I have zero trust that he can be the loving, supportive and faithful husband I want & need - and consistently. If his coping skills are lacking now when there's a family crisis, then he won't be able to cope in the future either. And if he cannot hear or receive my feedback, more than once now, then that's a huge problem. I have zero faith in him and zero trust at this point.

I’m sorry that your not having a good day. Do something nice for yourself.

Thank you.

I will.

We're officially filed for divorce with the court. A step!

have you considered filing a restraining order and getting some free counseling ?

There's no reason to file a restraining order - he hasn't threatened my safety and made me afraid. In order to get a restraining order, you have to prove that your safety is in jeopardy. I don't know where or how to get free counseling.

I don't feel like I thought I would when we filed for divorce. I am depressed about it. I feel really let down by him and deeply disappointed that this is how things have turned out in my marriage. Not what I hoped for.

Does your insurance cover therapy? What if your pdoc refers you?

I’m losing my insurance Jan 31. I have to then go on gov’t insurance. I’d have to find someone in the insurance network.

Possibly a good resource would be a free listening line such as:

https://caringcontact.org/

The listeners are not therapists but are trained to listen and support nonjudgmentally.

Thanks, Bill. But I’m not really looking for a counselor or to talk to anyone. People here suggested it.

This is normal. There are a lot of highs and lows through the whole divorce process and post divorce. Take each feeling as it happens and remind yourself that it's OK to feel and with some time you will heal. With so many stressful situations in your life right now, stress management and self care are even more important. Be gentle and patient with yourself.

Thank you.

I am very stressed, for certain. Yesterday I took a "me" day and didn't look for jobs, but I saw the dentist. I have a slew of issues. It's depressing me. I had a really bad day yesterday. I hope today will be better.

((((((((Have Hope))))))))

Thanks @Bill3.

Now my husband continues to email me, despite blocking him on the cell phone. I finally told him that we need to stop communicating, telling him it's not good for my mental health. He thinks he can break through to me again and that I will cave eventually. This is despite my telling him several times that I no longer love him. He is truly unbelievable. But I suppose that it's partially due to the fact that he's been able to convince me several times in the past that he has "learned his lesson" and will be better. I told him I've been hearing the same tune for four years and ever since I first mentioned divorce. Empty promises & empty words, is all that is. He is full of bs.

What if you block his email or change yours? Or delete his messages without reading them? 🤔

I can block his email and filter it to another folder. I can also delete without reading - I've done that before.