I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

Well, when I had texted him earlier in the afternoon, asking him to spend the night Friday night (because we're driving to a show Friday together), he didn't reply at all. So, when I first saw him last night, I asked why he didn't reply, and at one point in the conversation, he told me he didn't know how to respond to me and then told me he hopes I didn't feel uncomfortable. Maybe I was too forthcoming about wanting an answer by text from him, or too confrontational about not getting back to me. He has always replied to every text I've sent.

I already did approach his friend about it, so that's said and done. After I had spoken with his friend about him, his friend must have said something to him because Jay suddenly started to give me far more attention and was coming up to be next to me, or began dancing next to me, while also touching my back affectionately. So, perhaps my talking to his friend became a positive thing...

I can offer that, but I don't right now want to spend gas money traveling to meet halfway.... we're seeing each other tomorrow eve for another show and we'll be driving together along with his buddy this time.

No, I was fine by the time I drove home. I was drinking water at the end of the night.

Wow, the angst involved in dating again after an abusive marriage. Little did I know! Jay called this morning and everything is good. I feel much better.

I get not wanting to spend money on driving. Then when he drives to your area, maybe you two can do some dating in your area. I don’t know, it’s just a good indication of man’s interest if he actually wants to do more than sleeping together or have you riding along with his buddies. I’d be a bit apprehensive that when it’s not bedroom activity it’s always with other people (and he’s not even acts as you two are there together) and the only time it’s two of you it involves sleeping together. Not saying he has some less than honorable intentions, but is he actually dating you?

It's only been a couple weeks so far, so I don't know what to call it. His friend told me that Jay is not a player and doesn't just want a fling, so there's that to factor in, which I would say is very positive. Jay does not come across as someone just wanting sex. But we live apart, and it's easiest if he visits me and spends the night. Plus, I am enjoying that, so what's wrong with spending the night?

We did go out to dinner the other night, and the other time he visited we ate out as well. We also talk a lot about a lot of different things, when he does visit. It's substantive conversation.

There is nothing wrong with anything you are doing. It’s just because you are questioning where it’s all going and seem unsettled about some of his behaviors, I thought there are ways to make some adjustments. Like you asked him to sleep over on Friday, then you also asked him to sleep over last night. My thoughts were that if you stop asking for him to come spend the night, how is he going to proceed and initiate interactions. But that was just the thought. Of course there’s nothing wrong with anything. There are no rules

I'm laying low now and will wait for him to initiate asking me when he can see me again. I am not going to extend any additional invites and will let him take the lead next time.

I think it’s a wise move. Hugs

Thank you.

I now have a second interview next Tue with the law firm!!! I am sooo thrilled! On top of that, I had told the full truth about what happened in my last job to the HR Director, and that must have been acceptable since I made it past round 1 of interviews!!! YAY!

Great! Fingers crossed for next Tuesday. I believe it’s always better to tell the truth. They probably appreciated that you were up front. Very nice.

That's awesome! Good luck!

Good luck on your next interview. It sounds like a good opportunity to start fresh.

Your friend Jay is acting like a decent man. It sounds like he wants to go slow too and treated you with respect. There are many men who would get invited to spend the night by a woman who was a bit tipsy from drinking and they wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of that. He said no and is still talking to you and interested in getting to know you. Enjoy being treated with respect.
I know how different that is for someone who was not treated well in other relationships. It takes time to get used to it. Be patient with yourself and with him. You deserve to be respected. In time it will be easier to be treated well.

Thanks!

I think she must have appreciated that I was upfront.

I even told her how I had been graded a "B" on my last audit instead of an "A", but that I did very well with blog topic ideation, and also that I had learned a lot more about what goes into an audit after this experience.

Thank goodness she found it acceptable! I feel truly blessed, as though this was a sheer miracle and a stroke of very good luck!

Thank you!!

Thank you!

Jay IS acting decent and IS treating me with respect. It's SO refreshing!!!

It's been years since a man has treated me respectfully. I cannot remember the last time I dated a truly respectful guy.... my last 3 big relationships were all toxic.... before that, I lived in the southwest and had been abused there by men.... and before that? More cheating and toxic scoundrels. It's been at least 15-20 years since I've dated a truly respectful man. Far too long, at the very least!

Jay also is very protective of me - he is concerned for my safety while I am meeting and interviewing potential roommates from Craigslist. He's brought it up a few times. I like that.

I have a transgender friend who may want to move in with me, but not for a couple of months. She, formerly he, is very down to earth, cool and shares the same music tastes as me. That's how I met her - was through my music scene. We had lunch together the other day and she brought up the fact that she could be interested. I am thinking on it....

IF I get the job offer and IF I get the salary I am seeking, I may not need a roommate.

My preference would be to continue living alone, but I could save that much more money with a roommate. It's a toss up.

I've started a new thread, here: Dating After Divorce and Life Transitions

and have asked Admin to close this thread. I think it's time to start a fresh one.

Thanks to ALL for ALL your support in this lengthy thread!