I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

Did you block his emails?

Take care of yourself. Go for a walk, take vitamins contact Andrea Cox holistic healer in Las Vegas, Nevada she read tarot cards but she does other things to help a person become mentally and physically healthy she has a YouTube channel.

Sometimes we repeat the same pain until we learn the lesson

If that's the case, then I am very slow to learn, lol. I keep learning the same lessons repeatedly.

Try to be kind to yourself......you are going thru SO much. Little baby steps a little at a time. You would never drink poison, but every time you talk to (Mr. Poison) it is like drinking poison. I am not judging you for anything you do; you are doing the best you can. ((((Hope))))

Thank you dearest @Marie123. And thank you for not judging me. I agree it's like drinking poison each time.

I was compelled to answer him this last time because he asked specifically about filing taxes together & he wants to file NOW. I had to tell him no, let's file separately and taxes are the last thing on my mind right now.

Of course, then he had to tell me that he is here for me - for anything I need.

ARGH.

I'm breaking down... I cannot handle all of this stress at once. Job loss, income loss, a divorce? And I am all alone, facing all of it???

This truly SUCKS.

It’s tough but universe didn’t set it up so you can go back to your husband. It’s not the lesson G-d would want people to learn. Go to exes when things go rough? I don’t think so

I am sure your husband wants to file jointly because he wants you to do his taxes. No one files jointly after filing for divorce (how dumb is that?). If you don’t do his taxes he’d have to go to HR block, which will cost him money. Dude is so sneaky

I’d not be telling him anything about yourself. You filed for divorce. End of story. You losing your job isn’t his business. Being vulnerable with him just opens the gates for manipulation.

Job loss and divorce are very hard. But it will get better and it could be always much worse. Stay strong. Could you rely on your family for moral support? Relying on your husband for moral support while going through divorce with him is not a good plan

Thank you thank you thank you. I needed to hear all of this right now. I need grounding and I need a reality check.

I ALMOST reached out to him -- I drafted an email even, but did not send it. I know that it would be a slippery slope from there, and it would be interpreted as an invitation.

I can call my mother and can rely on her for moral support - and sometimes my sister though she is less available. I am not happy with 3 of my closer friends right now so I am distancing myself from them.

I do feel very alone in my struggles - but I am so grateful for all the support I am receiving in this thread from everyone and on this forum. It really helps!!!!

Trick is to figure out how not to get yourself in this situation again. Not so easy.

I know.. that will be the next phase in my life.

Good job not reaching out to him!!

Thank you @Bill3!

I am STILL tempted though. GRRRRRRR.

There’s no point to reach out to him.

It will make him feel full of himself. He’d be like see second time my wife goes nuts kicking me out but then she’s so miserable and can’t even manage her life and is trying to lure me back begging.

He might even tell his friends. Remember how she kicked me out? Look she can’t stay away because she can’t manage without me. She’s so unstable. She can’t keep a job. Guess I have to go on a rescue again.

Then it will be just a matter of time before things go nasty again. There is NO reason to reach out to a man whom you are divorcing. Plus you told him all these things how he needs to leave you alone. And now you want him back? Even if just for support. Those bridges are burned

Yeah. I do see your points. I also have too much pride and that's what's keeping me from doing it.

This is the time when pride comes handy.

YEP!

Read your journal and remember how miserable he made you feel. Read your opening post in this thread. Divine is right... he would see your contact as complete weakness and manipulate you even more than before. Abuse escalates until you break the cycle. And you are breaking the cycle by not contacting him. Contacting him is a doorway to more misery, not less.

You will get through this tough time. It's hard. It's OK to feel scared. It's normal. Indulge in some self care by watching something funny or singing into a hairbrush like you're 12 and your favorite song came on the radio. A few minutes to remind you that you are worthy of happiness.

Thank you @RollercoasterLover.

This is one of the hardest times I've had to get through. Thank goodness I'm not also dealing with covid lockdown or I'd be going nuts.

This morning when I woke up, for some reason I recall him dressing up in his nice wedding shirt to go to work on a day off. I wondered at the time WHY he was dressed up, simply to go to work for a few hours. I also wondered at the time if he was lying to me and cheating on me instead.

I do not trust him. On top of all the other crap, I just do not trust him and never could again.

I think a part of me has abuse amnesia, which I've read happens after they love bomb you. And he's been love bombing me for a long time now, leaving me only with the nicer parts of him, forgetting about the mean and abusive parts.

During covid lock down I recall he drove you nuts. You were working from home and he was blasting tv all day and refusing to turn it off during the day and I remember we had suggestions re move to a different room or buy headphones make your second bedroom into an office fit him to buy a simple table/kindle and watch tv on it etc I even remember you said you can’t use second bedroom because it’s full of his junk some of which sits there broken (what a waste of a room)!

I don’t wish another lock down on anyone but you’d still be better off without him under lockdown

I believe he went into work, but since we know he exchanged inappropriate messages with a coworker it’s fair to say he dressed up to look nice for that reason. Perhaps she went to get something done on a day off too. Or a different lady. But maybe not. It depends on work situation.

It doesn’t even matter. He can’t ever be trusted again.

Yeah... it's just SO depressing. I wish I had a partner right now to support me through this hell.

I am making a conscious effort to regulate my own emotions and to not need to talk to others to confide in, work out my feelings, vent.

To me, that's a lonely existence. I need to vent, I need support and I need to confide in others. But that's just me.

You can do much better than fartface, Have Hope

he's the fartface, not you, just to clarify

i bet he looks like a fart and smells like one as well

Thats what we are here for.