I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

It ruins your credit. So in a long run ignoring debt collectors will causemore problems as bad credit makes many things very complicated. It’s always better not to ignore a problem but instead address it.

Definitely. I've had to deal with medical bills constantly over the years. You call. You email. You document every single interaction. You work out a payment plan. (Helpful hint: If you ask for an itemized bill from the hospital, often times the bill miraculously ends up just a bit smaller. Yeah, they know they sometimes have superfluous charges that should not be listed.) If you can't meet their payment plan options, apply for hardship with them. Sometimes, due to divorce or job loss, they can miraculously find funds or reduce their payment expectations.

But yes, you need to document all the correspondence. Ask for things in writing to leave a paper trail. Yes, it is possible the bill may go to collections because that's just what hospitals do after so many months, BUT, if you have spoken to them and established a plan with them, they generally won't send it to collections.

The good news is that medical debt no longer is reported to credit agencies as quickly and has a bit less impact on your credit: How Do Medical Bills Affect Your Credit?| Capital One

In my understanding medical debt on collection isn’t reported to credit bureau AFTER it’s being paid? If it’s still on collection, it is still reported? Medical providers don’t report it to credit bureau but debt collectors will, until it’s paid.

That’s why it’s always better to try to settle it, have payments plan or seek help while bill is still with your provider/hospital. If you wait when it’s with collectors, it becomes more convoluted

If your husband can miraculously find 900 next month, then I’d ask for that money to pay your medical collection. If that ER visit occurred during your marriage (did you not have insurance?), why didn’t he contribute to pay it to the hospital? It happened when you were married. He ignored it??? Went to eat in restaurants, bought pot, cigarettes, alcohol all while your bill went on collection? That’s not what should be happening in a marriage.

I’d accept his offer of 900 to pay debt collectors and explain to him why. No Id not be dating him but I would treat this medical collection is marital debt, which he’s partially responsible for as it occurred during marriage. Why be married if not even share responsibilities?

I do not agree with that. It was my issue that sent me to the emergency room. We split our expenses 50/50 so sharing my bit of cost for an ER visit would be like him asking me to pay for his personal credit card debt.

I asked him for 1K to split the cost of the chair gift I gave him. That made me feel like CRAP.

I am not taking any sizable chunk of money from him, nor am I going to ask him for more. It doesn't feel right to me, so I am not going to do that.

I think if I saw this as “his is his and mine is mine and it’s firmly 50/50” I’d not be married. I’d just have a boyfriend.

You can keep bank account separate (we have separate accounts) but marriage is a union of two. Not just living under one roof. If event happened during marriage, it’s a marital event. It affects both. One spouse not paying medical bill and bills going on collection affects a couple if they are legally married. If it effects your credit score it effects your (as a couple) ability to qualify for a nicer apartment, buying a house, financing anything, every aspect of your life as a married couple. If my husband went on collection it would cause us bunch of problems! Us as a couple

And how is it “only my problem” if I got sick and couldn’t pay a bill. If my husband had to go to ER, I’d not see it as “his problem and he has to deal with it”. It’s OUR problem!

I am not saying you have to ask him for 900. I am just saying that if he all of a sudden can come up with 900 and is offering it NOW where was he when bills went on collection? If he wants to help out, that’s where money could go to. He offered it. You didn’t ask

You did so much for this man including extravagant unnecessary costly things. Half of that stupid chair could go to pay medical bills. Why did he accept the gift if he knew you owe money? Starting with a day one, extravagant honeymoon on your dime. And same happened with other men before this one. You go over board for these men! I understand you makes you feel like crap asking for anything because you got used to bending backwards for men. If you are always a giver, it feels bad to ask for anything. But you can’t continue being “a woman who loves too much”.

And I get it! I was that woman! That’s why I urge you to stop. We are too old for this. Block him. Stop all this. Start a new life. Struggle but come out of it like everyone does at some point.

Divine, I adore you but you’re coming on very strongly. I don’t need this right now and it’s stressing me out MORE. I do not give too much. I did what was RIGHT. I’m not going to defend myself or explain myself. It’s EXHAUSTING. I don’t need to be challenged any more than I already am in my life. And your posts lately are not that supportive and instead are argumentative and put me on the defensive. I’m tired of explaining myself.

Have Hope will another hug help your stress levels?

Sorry hope, you know I mean well and I get very passionate about some topics. I do not want you go through these things you run into so I passionately (obviously too passionately) advocate for you to get off the merry go round. But I get it. It does come strong. It’s your life. You can take some advice or none. I can also request to delete my posts. Just so you know I do support you. Hang in there!

Hugs help! Wish they resolved all my troubles though.

Thank you… I know you mean well. No need to delete your posts.

I’m trying to listen to my gut at all times now. Not listening to my gut has gotten me into trouble in the past. I’m now correcting that.

My gut tells me to do whatever I need to do to get a job. I may also build a website and put myself on freelancing websites. I’m not yet there though. I spoke with a consultant/freelancer last week in my industry. He has 12 years of experience - I have 11. He makes between 15-20k per month consulting. When he was not freelancing and working perm jobs, he made it to a higher level than me though, so he has stronger credentials. But it was eye opening, educational and helpful to talk to him. He said he started freelancing on the side in 2017, with the goal of going into business for himself eventually.

My gf encourages me to build my website and start freelancing. I may. The problem is, I need access to tools I’d have to pay for. Which makes it tougher when you’re on a tight budget. Maybe I’m just afraid. I think I am. Afraid to fail.

If you freelance, is there funding you could get, to get what you need?

MAYBE?!? There are organizations that give money to women who want to start their own business.

Go for it. My brother has a job but occasionally freelances for just few months, not even every year. It’s a lot of work but he makes a ton of money when he needs large sum in a short period of time. He’s doing it right now. I think you could start but then if you get a job just keep it as a side job. I think it’s a great plan to freelance!

How much are the tools you need? It might be totally worth it!

The tools could run anywhere from $100-300/month. I would need financial support somehow to accomplish it. It's definitely a thought and enticing in some ways.

It won’t be much when you start making profit, prior to that it certainly would be tough. I am not sure if people take business loans or like you said grant. Grant would be best

It sounds exciting.

I hope you get rich from it, Hope

That makes sense.

I do understand how your feelings.

Well, without getting into ALL the details, I've blocked my husband again on my phone. He will not be pursuing me anymore and doesn't want to speak with me, either. I don't know how I feel at all. I admit that I have enjoyed having him pursue me - it stroked my ego. Why does my ego need this right now?

We have a court date for divorce set for March 14th. I expected it to take MONTHS to get a court date. So, on March 14th, we will be officially divorced. I hope my husband doesn't try to pull anything sneaky or evil on the day of court.

I hope everything works out for you.

If he does try anything, it'll be on him and it'll make him look bad, particularly when you don't retaliate

Blocking him is wise

There is really nothing he can do. Sometimes disgruntled spouses dragging it on purpose demanding more money (your honor I discovered my spouse has yet another retirement account and demand a chunk of it) or arguing over every little sentence in custody arrangements (Johnny will be picked up for Christmas every other year at 4pm instead of 3:30). But I don’t see what your husband could do in your situation. He might not show up but I think you could still get divorced regardless. There’s nothing to dispute

If anything, the judge may ask if our financial statements are still true, and mine is not because I am now unemployed. I was employed when I filled out the financial paperwork for divorce. I wonder if then the judge would consider giving me alimony, but I'm not asking for it.