Dating After Abuse and Dealing With Life Changes

I agree, although if we can settle this outside of legal process, I would be fine with that.

Wow..

I just read through all my old threads about my marriage. What sheer agony I have been through, due to his abuse and lies. I cringed, remembering back to how I felt over the years. It hurts. The hell he put me through.. all the broken and false promises of change.. all the gaslighting, all the fighting and near breakups. I am SO thankful I am out of that relationship!!!!!!

Since leaving him, I have taken care of much needed dental work. all my health appointments are now caught up, I've now lost 19 pounds as of this morning and I am back to the weight I was at when I met my husband, I am eating healthier foods, I am starting to exercise, I have made some new friends, and I am happy being on my own. I'm singing again in the car! Something I love to do and hadn't done all these years in my marriage.

I've come a long, long way, and I am proud of myself. I read an old thread where I was too scared to leave and scared to be alone again. Being alone is not as awful as I had imagined. I am doing just fine on my own, and in fact, I'm doing great! Granted, I am dating someone again, but we don't see each other that often and it's still very new. I was alone for 5 months before that.

I am really happy now, despite being unemployed, and I am SO very grateful I got out. It's a celebration... no more toxicity, no more inner and outer turmoil, no more knots in my stomach over him, no more eating disorder, and no more sickness. He literally made me sick. The abuse made me sick.

On a separate note, I wonder when/if I should tell him that I am going to report his lawyer for unethical practice??

You do not need to tell him anything about anything

Ok.. you're probably right!

What’s your rationale behind telling him? There has to be a reason?

Just to let he and his lawyer know that they have acted unethically and I am taking action on it.

They’d know you taking actions when they hear from your lawyer. Plus you already told him you want to pursue legal actions. Repeating it again is totally unnecessary and could be misinterpreted. I’d stay quiet and let lawyers handle it

I hear ya… makes sense!

I think I may have found a roommate! She just came over and I liked her.

Great!!!!

Thanks, Divine!!

I have only one job lead at the moment, and thankfully, it seems I am still in the running.

The recruiter reached out yesterday to let me know there is a delay in beginning interviews, so it wasn't a rejection like I had thought but just a delay. Thank goodness.

I am enthused about this role and believe it's a great match for my specific blend of skills and interests. Fingers R crossed that the company owners want to interview me.

I've been getting many rejections and very few interviews. It's not looking great at the moment. I pray they don't decide to freeze the job opening because of the economy.

And, I am supposed to hear back today from my ex regarding the 10K I asked for. I pray that he agrees to settle this with me again outside of court. I don't think I will pursue it legally, unless I can get a pro bono lawyer to help me. I am certainly not paying a law firm for $7500.

My ex intimidates me. He claimed he would have gone BALLISTIC if I had gone after alimony, yet he offers me money after our court date? So he has to have everything on HIS TERMS, and he has to be the one in control - always.

I am not expecting him to agree to giving me 10K, but I am hopeful.

It's very possible that a judge would rule in my favor, given that my ex committed perjury, I lost my income, the economy is going down, and the sleazy lawyer advised me not to tell the judge that I lost my job. I think each of these factors weigh in my favor, and I know that all these factors would be taken into consideration.

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Holy moly. My ex just called me.

He is livid and is now threatening to take me to court, to charge me with extortion, and to get the 17K back that he gave me. He is PISSED.. He says he spoke with other lawyers, his lawyer, and his brother. They all, according to him, hate me and think I am a biatch. His lawyer said to him "F her".

He screamed at me. He also told me he doesn't love me anymore because of how I've approached this issue with him. He also claims that he can prove in a court of law that he did not know he was inheriting anything when he completed his financial statement.

IF that's true, then WHY on earth did he first come to me, pleading with me and telling me he could go to jail for what he had done????? Is he manipulating me again???? Is he lying to me, trying now to scare me?

And the fact is, I AM scared now. Now he has something over me and I am terrified of going to jail. What if he pursues this?

Please help... I am super scared, I am shaking, and I am in tears. My ex is threatening me... and I asked him point blank, do you want to ruin my life?!?!

You just wanted to be made whole, back to what you started the marriage with. You had savings then, but you went into debt with his shenanigans, always borrowing from you "until payday". Why should you come out of this with less than you went in? Esp since he's always had money. He spent his previous divorce settlement on himslf.

You are just trying to come back to even. He knows he did wrong. He is just trying to counterattack, but its just words. I would let things settle for a while. Stop fanning the flames.

Thank you so much for your reply.

He now wants me to write a letter and sign it, stating I will not pursue additional money from him. When I at first said no, he said then I will see you in court. He has me over a barrel now.

He claims that the inheritance money that he already gave me (17K) wasn't even his to give to me - that it's his brother's money too. He claims he can prove in court that he didn't know about the inheritance when he completed his financial statement in Dec.

He has all the power right now, and I have none. I don't even have an attorney.

Tell him you will take it to your lawyer. Then do nothing. You do not have to jump every time he says boo.

You know you can prove that he DID know.

I do think he could be lying still about not knowing about the inheritance last Oct...

I am trying to get a hold of any lawyer who will talk to me.

He isn’t going to do anything. Block and stop responding. If he was that serious he’d not be telling you that everyone hates you (who cares?????) and that lawyer said F… you (again who cares?). He is trying to intimidate you and make you feel bad. Like why would you care his brother or lawyer hate you???

He doesn’t love you lol again who cares, you are divorcing. Love isn’t entering into equation here. Was he supposed to keep loving you? What an idiot

As about what to do. Block him.

Do not write or sign any letters. Tell him you are taking it up with your lawyer. Then block him

Oh sure maybe in December he didn’t know. But he sure knew in March. And why was he begging not to go to jail? Money is not his, in his account? His brother’s? Hahah

He has me over a barrel right now. He wants his 17K back and is threatening to take me to court to get it all back from me. He is also threatening to pursue a charge of extortion against me.

We've been fighting and arguing on the phone ALL morning. He is waiting to speak with his brother about all this.

YET, claims that he would still be with me, even now, and then in the next breath, tells me that he never wants to speak with me again.

He is after power over me, as usual, and unfortunately, he's got all the power right now.

I have consultations with 3 lawyers scheduled for today.

Seriously?!?!?!?!?!?!? WTF!

He came to me last week, pleading with me that he could go to jail if I pursued this legally. Now he's claiming he didn't know any better, and that he did not know he was getting any money until it showed up in his account, after our divorce hearing.

WTF.

He is still threatening me about court, and now makes it seem like he wouldn't have owed me anything out of his inheritance, because he himself didn't know he was getting money.

Now he's also. making it seem like the 17K is out of the goodness of his own heart.

I don't know what the real truth is! I don't know when he knew he was getting this money.

Is he lying yet again, and trying to pull a fast one on me, yet again??????

What happened now

See above.. I. hit enter too soon, oops!

He is lying. He claims that he DID NOT KNOW he was getting this money until it showed up in his account AFTER our divorce hearing on March 14th. Well, I went back to my old thread and found a post dated March 12th whereby I posted that he was now bribing me with his mom's pending inheritance!

A lawyer told me I could still get him for perjury because you're supposed to update your financial statement when your finances change and inform the court of any changes at the hearing. Well, that never happened... and I could report the lawyer for not following due diligence with me because he told me not to tell the judge I lost my job!

So, he IS trying to strong arm me once again and intimidate me. He's also trying to make it seem like he gave me the 17K out of the goodness of his own heart!