Why did this rock star harass me?

I froze like I said. I have bad anxiety. I could’ve done thst, but I didn’t think of moving at that time unfortunately I didn’t mean to insult actual groupies or anyone like that.

I just wanted to make it clear that I’m not a groupie, just a fan. Maybe he did make the wrong assumptions about me, idk.

You're welcome jesyka.

My first thought was that after he did his little sex act, he then threw the water on you to symbolically cool you off.🙏

These are a few I've seen with my own eyes not on video. I've seen famous singer climb up high stack of speakers, obviously wasted, rocking them then throw up. I've seen another famous singer tell an audience member who had climbed to top of very high stack of speakers, to jump. Throwing electric guitars into audience - that's dangerous. Others telling audience member to come up and fight him. What else...🤔 Violent moshing being encouraged by performer. I have to have another coffee before I can remember other things, sorry.

Jesyka, it happened in 2000. 23 years ago. You were in your 20s? Very young? This whole time I am thinking it was recent. So you are asking all these questions about an event decades ago and it still upsets and you want answers why he did this or that. Why is it on your mind now?

Coerced looking up? How could you be coerced?

I think that he was trying to offer me an invite to go backstage. When I didn’t take it, he decided to get revenge on me maybe? Idk IF that was the case or not

Or it was for a cheap thrill for him maybe. Wow, that’s crazy & dangerous! What bands did that?

It wasn’t my choice to be in that awkward position. He deliberately put me in an awkward situation. I froze do I didn’t move

If a guy is looking for a hookup, then if he doesnt find it, i think he continues looking. He doesnt switch his attention to revenge. Its why we used to say men had a one-track mind. What good would revenge do him?

Really, you need to find a job. Thats how you get self-esteem.

I thought it was already discussed that he didn’t invite you anywhere, so you couldn’t possibly take or not take an offer. There was no offer. From what you described there’s no evidence of him inviting you anywhere.

How wasn’t it your choice to stand up there? And he didn’t coerce you to look up. You could close your eyes for example or look down. I wonder if you think people have mysterious powers over you. They don’t.

I personally think cheap thrill, jesyka. Maybe in his mind he thought it will give you a 'pleasant' experience to remember, I really don't know either. I am sorry.

Yeah, very dangerous and reckless. I mean obviously, as others have stated, these things don't reflect on all artists and performers at all but, yes, like anyone, you will get individuals who overstep the mark of responsibility.

With all due respect, I don't want to name the bands. I'm trying to be spiritual in the karmas I put out there. This all took place during the 80s and 90s. People (the musicians/performers) can change. One of them is no longer with us. Thank you.🙏

That was what I was trying to said, that he made wrong assumptions but that those assumptions were not crazy. He did not act irrationally. I am glad you are able to see how that he could have made assumptions about you that were not true. People do that all the time. On this thread, you made assumptions that people thought that you were a groupie and nobody made those assumptions. Moreover, to think that people made those assumptions was illogical, since had you been a real groupie, you would not have opened this thread in the first place.

When I asked about moving to the back, I did not mean after the vulgar gesture. I meant before. When you found yourself staring at his crotch and feeling uncomforable about that, before you froze, why did not you move back at that time?

It was nice and kind and caring of you not wanting to insult actual groupies. I hope you see now that since there were actual groupies next to you, those whom you did not want to insult, that very easily could the rock star have mistaken you for such a groupie, in their midst.

Even if you froze due to anxiety, I still do not see how anyone could have coerced you. Coerced, like bullying, like assault, is a very strong term. Walk me through how you believe you were coerced. Who did it? When? How? In what ways?

I see. So you are not aromantic, just asexual.

Do note that being sexual does not mean experiencing lust. I had been very sexual (heterosexual) before the side effects of medications which which I choose to live because of the all the good things that I get from those medications, but I had never known the feeling of lust. Which does not mean that I think that it is an inferior feeling, just that I did not get to experience it.

@jesyka, according to your posts, he did not offer an invitation for you to go backstage. And, he did not coerce you to look at him. You stood in a place up front of the stage, where he was in full view. You chose to stand there. How were you coerced? You have an imagination that runs wild. This man did not assault you, he did not extend any invitations, there was no imaginary rejection, and he did not coerce you.

I also think of "rock star" as a national well-known actual star. Yes, this band has a large following, but a true rock star is well-known in all circles, is famous, and is treated like a celebrity. This is a musician with a large following who plays in small clubs.

I get that you're trying to figure out why these things happen since you state there is a pattern.

You were up front, this musician likely assumed some things about that, and he did what he did. I don't think you were any special kind of target. He may have done that to any female standing right there. It happened to be you.

It was just your typical sex, drugs, & rock and roll. I also stayed out of mosh pits to not get hurt. There would be drunk, aggressive idiots sometimes pushing, grabbing. There would be a lot of sex and drug activity allowed without security stopping. But these were good times for me, really fun and thankfully harmless. I made efforts to keep myself safe, and didn’t handicap myself to be extra vulnerable to predators.

You have shown a pattern in your posts of you doing that to yourself, saying you have social anxiety and this is how you are trying to cope with it.

It’s clear you aren’t receptive to any comments made. It seems like you just want to hear us say what your friends you told about this said, just validating you, agreeing with you. I’m not sure why you posted. I do hope some part of this was helpful though.

Maybe. I worked before & it did nothing for my self esteem. What would definitely help is if more people would treat me with more respect & consideration. And it’d help if I had a better relationship with my husband & my family too. That’s not going to happen though as they’ll never change.

Perhaps we’re all wrong about what his intent was. Maybe I was right, maybe not. Maybe other people are right, who knows. I’m only going off what I experience. That doesn’t exactly make me delusional. Only he knows why he did what he did.

Probably. Performers shouldn’t disrespect fans like this. It’s rude. It was univited too.

I understand that. No problem.

What makes you think there was an invitation to go back stage from him, when he did not verbally express this to you? Did he gesture for you to go back stage? Did he look directly at you while smiling and gesturing for you to go back stage? And what makes you think that he did what he did simply because in your mind, you were rejecting him?

To me, this is a made up story in your head. We can only speculate on what he did, without truly ever knowing what he was thinking.

It's very logical to believe, however, that perhaps he assumed you were a groupie or made certain assumptions about you given how you were up front, that you were alone, and that you had approached the band before they started playing.

Thanks. Cocered isn’t the right term then maybe. He definitely put me in an awkward position.

I felt like I was being tested or toyed with. Like I said, I froze. I don’t understand why people on here can’t understand why I couldn’t just move. Have none of you ever froze before?

That’s the whole point: only he knows. So when you create posts asking why random people did this or that decades ago all we could do is suggest you focus on your actions as there’s no way to know who did what years ago.

It’s also pointless and actually dangerous to make up scenarios in your head just because you feel certain way. He coerced you to look at him, asked you to go backstage and have private time with you, you rejected him and he took revenge, he assaulted you and sexually harassed you etc But there’s zero evidence of any of it. Feeling certain way doesn’t mean that’s what happened

Yes I felt frozen before and didn’t immediately reacted but no one forced you stay there. He couldn’t predict that

Yes his behavior would make people feel awkward and uncomfortable but it doesn’t mean he wanted something with you backstage. I wonder if there is a reason you insist he wanted private time and you rejected him? Why do you insist that is what happened with no evidence?

I’d say that since it happened over two decades ago Jesyka perhaps doesn’t remember all details herself. And she was very young. What she perceived then and what she remembers now and what really happened might be three very different things. And her perception of what happened was clouded by a combination of Valium and alcohol

I’m glad to hear that you had fun at those shows. Snd it’s good that you take safety precautions too.

I have stayed away from the pit too. I have always stayed way off to the side as well. Things can still get crazy.

What other precautions do you take to stay safe? I’d appreciate some tips that might be able to help me stay safe at shows.

Although I have anxiety, I still enjoy going to shows. I didn’t completely disagree with other people. I misunderstood what some people said. I stated that a few times & apologized for that.

What I’m upset about is having people call me delusional for making the wrong assumptions about his actions. I was there btw, so only I know what really happened too.

Instead of callimg me delusional, it’d be nicer to say thst I made the wrong assumptions, but to call me delusional is rude, disrespectful & insulting.

I’m receptive to comments, I’m just not receptive to being disrespected. I never expected anyone to agree with me. I simply didn’t understand or completely agree with some people about certain things.

Example, this kind of behavior is normal. No, it is not normal, I’ve been to lots of shows in the past & this is the only time I’ve had had something like this happen to me.

Also, I have not heard about this happening to other people as well anywhere. People kept trying to convince me that it is normal for some reason.

I simply disagreed with them. I’m entitled to my personal opinion too. Disagreeing with why he did this doesn’t make me delusional.

I already stated that I’m not entirely sure why he did that either. I didn’t state things as facts. Some people clearly misunderstood me. Only he knows why he did the things he did. None of us, myself included will ever know the truth for sure.

I was just trying to get answers. And I was judged by a few people on here which is upsetting to me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I just failefd to react to the situation by moving away.

Just because I misunderstood or disagred with other people about things doesn’t mean that I’m delusional or not taking their comments seriously. What am I supposed to do, say that they’re right about everything? Or agree with everything they told me?

I can’t help it if I froze. Did no one on here ever freeze in up before? I don’t understand why everyone expected me to just move like it was that simple.

OK, so I made a few wrong assumptions then probably. I FELT these things though. It seemed like that was what was going on.

Making wrong assumptions doesn’t mean that I’m delusional though. I felt disrespected & insulted when you called me delusional before.

Can you please not do that again? You could just say that I probably got the wrong impression about things, but delusional is a strong word.

You probably wouldn’t like it if someone callef you delusional, would you?

True. My mind was a bit hazy. I only recall that he was onstage mostly. I blanked in fear due to my anxiety when he approached me, so I didn’t see what he did exactly or recall what his facial expression was like.