Bff got mad ar me for asking her to pay me back some money. Need advice.

I’ll never ever loan anyone money again. Nothing good ever cones from it. Anyways, what happened is that I booked a hotel for us for an upcoming concert.

I paid for the tickets. I wanted to go so badly, I offered to pay for the tickets. It’s my early Christmas gift to her too.

Anyways, her share of the hotel for 2 nights came out to $366.

I booked it about a month or two ago. I politely asked her to please pay me back less than half of that recently & she got upset with me.

She told me that she is struggling & that she needs to support her husband as he doesn’t make much money. She doesn’t have any kids & she lives in an inexpensive area too.

She makes six figures a year. My husband is financially abusive & she knows that too. I don’t make much money.

He stopped putting money in our joint account & my cards are maxed out.

I have awful credit too that I’m slowly rebuilding. So she acted like I was bugging her.

We went out to a concert last night & I asked her to pay me back. She didn’t want to discuss things then. So I respectfully dropped the issue.

She was also mad at me for ‘ignoring’ her at the concert. She was mad that I was on my phone a few times. She didn’t say anything then.

It was way to loud to talk. She was being really annoying by asking me to move constantly.

We had good seats. There were no other available seats there. The place was packed. If we would’ve looked for other seats, then we would’ve been stuck standing.

My feet hurt bad. I needed to sit down. The security guy told us to sit there too as we had trouble walking up the stairs There was no elevator there.

So they found us ground level seats thankfully.

She was also annoyed at me when I asked her if she could help buy my train ticket. I left my credit cards in the Uber I took unfortunately.

I took stuff out of my purse & I left the wallet on the seat. My wallet is black & so are the seats, so I didn’t see it there.

She was irritated, but she bought my ticket for $17. I was hurt as I was in a bad situation & she acted like I was inconveniencing her.

I wouldn’t treat her like that if she needed my help. I would’ve paid her back for everything too asap if she wanted me to pay her back.

I deducted everything from what she owed me from the hotel bill.

She accused me of picking a ‘fight’. She’s done this before btw. It’s like she gets super defensive when I try to bring up anything that makes her uncomfortable. It sucks.

I think that she might have an avoidant personality disorder. She rarely calls, texts me, or intiaties contact with me.

Then she asked me if I want to end the friendship. Wth? I said I will if she keeps disrespecting me like this.

Unbelievable! She is usually not like this. I’ve known her for over 5 years & this behaviour is reprehensible & hurtful.

Why would she gaslight me like this & get so upset over being asked to be paid money back?

I can’t trust her anymore. Especially with money. What should I say to her to get her to see that I did nothing wrong & that she is the one with the problem?

She refused to apologize to me & she expects me to apologize to her. Ridiculous!

What is really unfair is that she always excepted me to pay to her back the full amount immediately in the past.

I feel like she is a big hypocrite. Why is she being so rude & disrespectful to me?

I showed my coworker the texts & she didn’t think that I did or said anything wrong.

She told me that my friend was manipulating me & that she didn’t want to pay me back any money. She didn’t think that I was being ‘combative’ either unlike my friend.

Is there anything that I can do to get her to see things from my POV?

Each time she doesn’t want to talk about an isdue, she dismisses me by saying that she’s’going’ through a lot.

I feel that she’s more of a fair weather friend now that I can no longer trust. I now feel like I need to watch what I say & do around her unfortunately as she’s to sensitive at times.

I’d appreciate any good advice or insight into this situation.

It sounds like you’ve got the measure of her tbh, sorry to hear this. Have you got the money back yet?

Loaning money, a lot of money like this, can be very tricky between friends, depending on the friendship.

Can you get your money back on the hotel, or is it non-refundable?

I would end this friendship. It sounds like a one-way street on your end only. She doesn't initiate contact, and she starts arguments when she has no ground to stand on, making it your fault, when it's hers to own.

She owes you money, and rightfully, you are asking her to pay you back.

If you can, I would cancel the concert and hotel plans and demand the money back. She is not a good friend for you.

There is no sense in asking WHY someone is the way they are. This is who she is. She is showing her true colors, so believe it. This is not how you would behave or treat a friend, and you don't deserve this kind of behavior and treatment. That's my two cents.

What do you mean that I got the good measure of her?

No, I didn’t get anything back yet aside from the $60 I deducted from the bill since she paid for a few things for me the other day since I lost my credit card in the Uber.

Supposedly she’ll reluctantly pay me back $50 tomorrow out of $300. Ugh.

It’s so rude & unfair to gow she always expect me to pay her back in full immediately while she takes forever to pay me back.

I’ll never loan money to anyone again for sure! This friendship is mostly one sided! I don’t know. I really do want to go to this concert. I wanted to go so badly, that I actually paid for her ticket.

I only expected her to split the the hotel with me.

She was usually a good friend to me for years. I have noticed that she’ll usually use the excuse that she’s going through a lot to excuse bad behavior often.

Like she didn’t respond to invites a few times & them she got irritated with me when I asked her to please give me a direct answer next time.

I don’t understand her as she makes six figures a year & her husband works too. He doesn’t make much money though.

I think she’s full of crap & that she probably isn’t as good of a friend as I thought she was. Or she changed over time, idk.

Hopefully she won’t continue to disrespect me. If she does, then I’ll end the friendship.

I told her that too after she asked me if I wanted to end the friendship.

Wth? All I did was ask to be paid back! And for that I got all this b.s like how I’m trying to pick a fight, etc, ridiculous!

Sorry maybe this is an English expression. If you have the measure of someone it means you see them for who they really are. She’s shown you through her behaviour that’s she’s willing to withhold money she owes when you’ve asked for it.

I’d cancel hotel and book my own room. You can’t cancel tickets since you volunteered to pay for hers (not sure why as she makes way more than you). But you don’t need to pay for her hotel.

I don’t think if people don’t call or text or initiate it’s because they have personality disorders. They just aren’t interested that much. I mean she’s interested in attending events especially if you pay for her entertainment and accommodations. But nothing beyond that.

Doesn’t sound like friendship to me. Especially since you call her BFF. Certainly not best friend at all

To me, she's disrespected you enough to distance yourself from her and cancel the plans.

Thanks for explaining that. She did pay 💰me back $200 via venmo. Things are back to normal now thankfully.

Thanks, but I really, really want to go to this concert badly. A few of my favorite bsnds will be there.

She did pay me back almost everything as she paid me $200 via venmo today.

She’s not good with intiating plans, but she’ll say yes to going out with me usually.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people are bad at intiating plans which is weird.

She does hang out with me & pay for her own stuff when we go out.

I only paid for things to get her to say yes as it was an big expense & she is trying not to spend a lot these days.

She took a huge pay cut when she started a new job a few months ago.

I definitely won’t involve her in anymore financial situations though as she takes forever to pay money back & I don’t want to go through anything like this again with her.

I’ll definitely never loan anyone money again. It never ends well.

Re initiating plans, I have to confess this is something I’m not as good at as I was. In my case I’ve ended up giving more time to my family recently. I think life just takes over for many of us.

Glad you got your money back.