Mixed messages

Anybody else get mixed messages from an ex?

My (I assume) ex says that we have no relationship anymore but yet she still emails and calls, and also returns my kisses. I wish I knew what was going through her mind but she's not telling. We were high school sweethearts and have lived together twice in the past, including now.

I feel she is my soulmate but I can't get her to talk, or go to counseling with me. She thinks God is "fixing" her.

Any advice?

Maybe by 'relationship' she means 'sex'? It might be that she has come to see you as a brother or a father or a best friend rather than a lover. But of course it might be that I'm talking out of my ***...

Boy....communication between couples can be so difficult! Especially when seemingly on different pages and thought processes.

I saw in another thread that you are seeing a therapist and that she has refused to go with you. I'm glad you at least have a place to go and speak, be heard, validated and work on your understanding and issues. Sometimes that is all we can do eh? Work on ourselves and our own understanding....in that way we can then make more informed decisions as to how we want to proceed in our lives.

You obviously cannot control her and what she is thinking and feeling. You cannot make her talk if she is unwilling. I'm kind of going through the same issue in that my soon to be ex is not communicating with me. It's damned hard to go through with so many questions that I feel I need and deserve answers to not coming from him. I would imagine you are feeling the same way.

At this point, I think to continue with your therapist, continue with YOUR work and either she will fall in line at some point and "see" what you are trying to show her or you will find that things are not going to fall in line. Then, you will be at a point of making a decision about YOUR life....as you have every right to do.

I'm sorry if I wasn't too helpful to you here. It's a difficult situation and you have to do what is best for you. You have to feel in your heart that you have tried everything you know to make the relationship work. You have to decide what behaviors you are willing to deal with/ignore/whatever and which ones you cannot or will not live with.

I wish you well!


sabby

Thanks. I'm just tired of beating my head against the wall and trying to second guess where we are from day to day. Sometimes it just gets so frustrating I wanna explode. But I'm sure you can relate.

Sorry but all guys ain't like that. as I'm sure all women aren't either. We just got stuck with ones that are.

Doesn't help that I drive a truck and am only home on weekends.

I have a trailer lined up in case she sticks to her guns and wants me to move out and I'm hoping for the best but I know it can't go on like this much longer..

We were having sex until around the first of the year when God told her not to anymore...As much as we disagree, I don't think she sees me as a brother or father. Especially when her father walked out when she was born, never to return. Which I'm sure she still has issues with that effect her today. She just won't admit it to me, or maybe herself.

But thanks for the input.

Anything helps!

Ah...you are welcome tat2dr....

You know, sometimes the relationships we are in, no matter how much we care or love the other individual, are toxic relationships, for whatever reason. Sometimes, as much as it hurts to let go of that relationship, it's time to do so for our own sanity. Other times, we decide to buck up and deal the best we can with what we have to work with. It's a matter of coming to terms in our own hearts with what we feel and what we NEED to do for ourselves.

I obviously don't know you or your girlfriend, so I can't comment on her relationship with God and what she thinks/feels he is telling her. I would not venture into that realm with anyone I don't know...LOL.

All I know is that when I've been in relationships with no communication or we are not on the same page, after doing everything I thought I could do, I had to come to grips with the reality that it just isn't going anywhere and it's time to regroup and take care of me. Hopefully you will be able to filter through your heart and mind and find a resolution soon, one way or the other.

Wishing you the best.


sabby

Yeah, I know what you mean. Easier said then done sometimes though huh :-)

I think it takes communication. If she won't communicate, I don't know how a relationship can be happening too well, there's nothing to "relate" to.

Yeah, i agree with Perna

I just want to add a little thing about her "talking to God"....

I think has she really been talking to God or at least LISTEN MORE CLOSELY to what he (well let`s admit God is not a he or a she) she wouldn`t say that because God wouldn`t tell you to do anything....

This is a problem that you can THINK you hear lots of stuff "from God" and then THROW ON GOD YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY for your decision. What a pitty she doesn`t see a tehrapist, or a spiritual.... if i were her mother i would DRAG her to one!
It was HER decision not to have sex with you, not "God`s decission"

You say you ask her directly about your relationship and she doesn`t say anything?

She doesn`t want to express herself?
or she just doesn`t have any oppinions or feelings to share with you?

I agree with you 100% but I can't argue, or reason with someone with a closed mind....and that's very frustrating. And if I were to say the same thing, "God told me to do this or that", she'd come back with something similar to what you said about using the excuse of God to express your own thoughts/feelings...I know, I've already done it when I told her that God told me to stay and fight for the relationship...She said I heard myself telling myself what I wanted to hear...But I'm convinced that she should see a counselor but she won't go...

Like they say, you can't save a drowning person till they stop struggling and give up...

But thanks for the reply. At least I know I can still think clearly...And I'm not the only one that sees it as I do...

I've been in a marriage without communication for 32 years. I kept tolerating it & tolerating it. I finally came to a point where I realize that the relationship wasn't there from the beginning & it was something I should have gotten out of probably before I even got married (I was having second thoughts then).

It took my Mothers death, selling her house & buying my farm in Kentucky (a move from California) to realize that I couldn't live with him around me anymore. I have been back & forth to California since I purchased my farm last May. It has become increasingly clear that divorce is the only answer....doing it over the miles won't be easy....but it's my only answer to sanity. The straw that broke this marriage was when I got a certified letter from the IRS about back taxes that were due within 10 days....the IRS had contacted us (my husband I found out got the letter in May) last March & he ignored it completely & not only that, but he said nothing to me about it.....luckily, the mail had been forwarded to my farm for Christmas when we were all here (until I kicked him back to California mid January). Lack of communicating will never allow for any kind of relationship & there is no point in trying to make someone communicate when they just won't. It ends up being a pointless situation that one just can't win.

I have been the one that has found my way back to my Christianity.....God is giving me the strength to go through everything that I'm dealing with right now & slowly, I'm seeing that his guidence is toward a divorce......even though it wouldn't be something that you would expect through God. You might find that God is guiding you away from this relationship also....& that you can't force something that isn't there just because it's what you really would like it to be. Sometimes we really have to look at the reality of the situation & see it for what it really is & not what we wish it was....so that we can know how to deal with it & when to work with it, or end it.

I hope you can find the answers in your heart so that you know what you are doing is the right thing for you & the relationship.

Honestly, without communication, there is no relationship in the first place.....but accepting that isn't easy.

Sabby has given some really good input & so have others.....I hope that you are able sort through your own heart & finally hear the real message that exists in your relationship.
Debbie

Trust me, I'm taking it all in and trying to figure out what is best.

And it ain't always easy :-)

Probably be more of a headache than the original problem LOL

how about a simple..."so sweetie, I'm getting mixed messages and am a little confused. Where are we really at?

I've tried that, in so many words or less and got the same old same old...But I haven't stopped trying that approach.

Thanks!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_sabby_ said:
Work on ourselves and our own understanding....in that way we can then make more informed decisions as to how we want to proceed in our lives.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Very wise words sabby.

I agree. Once we work on ourselves, it seems we can kind of get a more clear perspective of life around us. I have found this to be true very recently in my life.

I think it's great advice.......