Problem

Something has been going on in my relationship that has been bothering me lately. I feel as though my boyfriend does not talk to me about major life decisions that I feel I should have a part in.
For example he got offered a really good job with full benefits, 401 K, his own truck, and the company would supply his tools. Under any other circumstances I would be all over this and would be happy, but there is a problem. He did not talk to me about this at all.
This job would probably consist of him working major overtime and having to travel out of state. I just do not know how ok I am with that...and it makes me feel like a wench. We are not living together and with me working crazy hours we barely have enough time for the two of us.
I guess that this would be have been so bad if he talked to me about this. I feel left out of this choice and it hurts...and now I am defensive.
Any advice?

Jessica

shakes, i guess i have a question before i answer...how long have the two of you been dating? how long serious?

those questions would determine my answer

be safe,

kd

Hi Jessica -- I, too, don't have an opinion. Like Kimmy Dawn, would want to know how long dating, how long serious.

I am going to assume that your relationship is serious in while giving this answer. I see it two ways.

1. In a serious relationship it would be natural that he would talk to you about it because it does affect you.

2. It is his life path and ultimately the decision must be his.

I am in a situation right now where I hate my job. I have chosen to apply for another job. I would be totally pissed at my husband if he try to tell me what to do because it is my life.

BUT in choosing to share my life with him I also need to let him have some voice in my decisions. He needs to be able to say his concerns and give some balance to the decision. In the end however the choice is mine not his.

In you situation I do believe that the decision was his to make. I also believe that you should be pissed that he didn't talk to you about it at all. On the bright side this is the perfect opportunity to expand your relationship. If you are able to discuss this with him in a calm loving manner you both could create a new way of relating to one another. It is tricky but could lead to growth for both of you.
Carrie

I yield to Carrie's wisdom, Jess. It's been proven to me before. I agree that it would have been nice if your b/f had discussed it with you, but the decision is still his. Has this happened before?

I'm with Carrie. This could be an opportunity to expand your relationship.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jessica}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm sorry you're having this difficult time.

I can't add anything to the wisdom given above...just my support Jessica. I too am sorry you are having to struggle with this.

Please take care.

Kimmy and Wants 2 Fly,
Sorry that I did not respond before this, but I had to work all weekend long . We are pretty serious...we have been dating for almost two years and we have talked about getting engaged soon.
I know that we are deeply in love with each other, but I think that he just does not think all the time. I think that he might have been so excited about this new opportunity that he assumed that I would have been happy too.
I hope that helps a little.

Jessica

Carrie,
While I understand that the final decison was his...no problem with that at all...I was more hurt that he did not include me in the thought process. That is all I wanted was to have my opinion added..
I am a big believer that a relationship is a partnership...he is involved in my major life choices and I was shooting for the same thing. I would not be upset by either decision that he made and I talked to him this weekend about that. I told him that I will support him no matter what and I will.
I agree with you though..this is another opportunity for us to strengthen our relationship together.

Thanks
Jessica

Sis Tomi,
Yes this has happened before. He tells me that because he was single for so long....almost seven years before me... that sometimes he forgets that he is in a relationship. Please do not get me wrong..he is the sweetest and most understanding guy in the world, but sometimes he is clueless and he really is naive about relationships sometimes. He only seriously dated one person before me and she really broke his heart (cheated on him with best friends...lied...manipulated).
I really do not believe that he does this on purpose to hurt me. I just think that sometimes he is in such a hurry to get a good thing going in his life that he takes his gut reaction. It is kinda funny because I am the same way sometimes.
When I talked to him this weekend he did apologize and we did sit down and talk about it. This is probably my fault too because sometimes I do not speak my mind about things.
While I was hurt I do not think that this is a huge deal... meaning that I do not think that it will end our relationship.

Thanks,
Jessica

(((Place)))
Thank you.

Jessica