I hate those EHarmony commercials....

Did you report him to the police?
A police report and a restraining/protective order would also be the logical thing in such situations.

Glad you are safe.

"v214k...Well...yes, the webcam could give some idea of their actual age and appearance. I met one fella who had used a much younger photo of himself, and lied about his age. We met for dinner, during which time he actually cried over his surf and turf dinner about his girlfriend who had abandoned their relationship. I said a polite goodnight to him at his car. That evening he began sending me threatening emails, like saying he was cutting up a dead body in his bathtub! He also made it very clear that he was angry that I didn't invite him to my home for sex! Needless to say, that was the only meeting I had with this nut. I should also add...this fella was nearly illiterate. At the time, I dismissed his inability to write a complete sentence or use punctuation. What was I thinking!
Patty"

wow patty is frightening. I'm just glad you were able to get out of it! So so many guys use fake pics and I will never understand why. I used my real ones because I don't want to shock anyone when they see that its not the girl they were expecting to see! I'd feel like such an idiot. I can't believe that guy was threatening you after. I'm just so so glad you got out of it as quick as you did. What a pyscho.
when i went on my "date" the guy forced me to have sex with him even though i kept telling him i didnt want too. i was so stupid to have gone to his actual house. i thought if i didnt do it he'd kill me though. it was frightening. he got so creepy told me we were going to get married and id quit my job and go back to school and he'd just take care of me and spoil me. and it was just overwhelming to me.
i felt like such a dirty ***** afterwards.... i cant beleive i was so stupid. i will never put myself in a situation like that. when i see those match.com commercials i get sick feelings in my stomach bc of what i went through. im too traumatized to even give it another shot.

I will totally agree with you on this one Patty. When all other efforts had failed I made the decision to try out these match making sites with the hopes of -at least- meeting "ok" people.
Let me tell you! I decided to be brave and meet with some of them in very public places. The profiles that I read about their personality, what they are looking for, even their profile pic.....were a fraud! First of all they had all placed a profile pic from waaaay younger years. And ok, lets say that we overlook this because appearance doesn't matter....what about their personality? In their profil they had all written things that were closer to how they wished they could be OR what they knew would attract women (!!!) and not what they really were.
The worst though from my experiences is that 2 of these guys were also weird...and I mean in a scary way. That's when I said NEVER AGAIN.

Seriously Patty, if you really think about it....where will these weirdos go? It is so much easier for them to hunt their victims this way! Just think of all the possibilities this system provides them!

Judging from myself, do you know when I took notice of these match making sites? When I was miserable, sad and desperate. I searched these sites when I was unwell. Isn't this the image of a woman ready to become a victim? On the contrary, the days when I felt stronger I would completely forget about these sites because I went out with friends! When I'm having fun in my life I forget about the internet all together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Due to these experiences of mine and of the ones I'm reading about here, I think that a good fraction of unwell people live in these sites. This system provides a good veil behind which they can easily hide. I disagree with people that say "yea, well....but even in real life you meet weirdos, you just have to filter them out here as well". No. No, no, no....I truly think that if in real life you meet 4 weird guys out of 10, then through these sites you'll meet 7 out of 10. Same thing goes with women, ok? Just to be fair.

Yes, Valexand,
There are a large number of lurkers and weirdos on the singles' sites.

Since I had quite a bit of (unfortunate) experience while I was still thinking this was an optimistic way to meet the opposite sex, and then having the experiences I had, I have come to some conclusions:

If one thinks seriously about the people of the opposite sex they've met online...go to another scenario and ask yourself if you were in daily social contact with this person, would he/she be someone to whom you'd gravitate and want to get to know under normal social conditions. In most cases, probably not! The whole internet dating thing is so contrived. We want it to work; we want to like the person we meet after a few emails and/or phone calls.

That said, I do realize that some people have actually met their partners this way. So, I apologize to those who feel this is a valid and healthy way of meeting people.

Patty

It's called Plentyoffish.com

I found that those sites are not a healthy way to meet someone. The majority don't get back to you. Or judge you on your appearance. You may be thinking oh, ugly. I am talking about try being thought of as soo attractive that everyone is afraid to approach you, and they think you're a total biatch. Ok not fun. If you list too much for interests and life goals, ppl are intimidated. If you don't list enough they think you are just out to get their money (thankfully their own insecurities) or you haven't any goals of your own.

Even the ones who say they're looking for "long term" never are. They all drink, and they all seem to smoke pot. The 3 or 4 that I'd found over a 2 year period when I was really ill that seemed legit never stayed on line for very long maybe a couple weeks, I always noticed those were ones that didn't party,drink,smoke, ect..

I tried EHarmony once as well too, I was rejected, as it said there were no matches for me at that time.

I also tried lavalife for a little while before they started charging women. The men on there seemed to be a little more mature. I tried Nexopia. Mostly kids, very immature and alot of naughty comments/messages to be made.

The phone lines that I went onto when I was really sick, the men on there all wanted free sex. The majority of the men on POF (plentyoffish) were the same ones that were on the phone lines.

I guess a person could say that there are just as many weirdo's in public, but I find that the ppl on dating sites have many issues that they are not aware of/or are, and just want the easy way of finding a relationship (SEX) (although they will tell you it is not) if they were out and about doing what they enjoyed than that would be the best way of meeting someone. Because passing emails and instant msging back and forth to someone that you just don't know.Isn't healthy. You don't know how they interact with others. With their friends. If they have friends. To enter into a healthy relationship with a healthy fighting chance, ppl on both ends need to be healthy.

It does take time to get to know someone. Statistics say it takes an approximation of two years to really know someone in person.

LOL..Sicklysweet!..."I found that those sites are not a healthy way to meet someone. The majority don't get back to you. Or judge you on your appearance. You may be thinking oh, ugly. I am talking about try being thought of as soo attractive that everyone is afraid to approach you, and they think you're a total biatch." A total biatch, LOL! I know exactly what you're saying.!

You sound young, and full of spirit. You will surely meet someone in person someday who appreciates you. But you are right about the "out for sex" thing. I've viewed the profiles of women in my own age group in the past, just to see who else gained the courage to put themselves on there. Many women sound desperate, and too compromising, like they'll accept any amount of attention with no questions asked. The men in my age group often make it clear they want a relationship with no strings attached and a good time.

At some point, my lightbulb came on. I don't go there any more and haven't for several years now.

Patty

I know that sounds really young to say that, I was just referring to the comments I would get. :S

I was in a women's therapy group, met once a month but I was about the only member who showed up every month! I kept meeting new members and getting to know/like one and then that one wouldn't show up the next month, LOL. But after about 3-4 months, a woman showed up (these women had all been in a previous group run by this therapist apparently) and she was going to singles "parties" of some sort, the in-person sort of way to meet, and every bit as bizarre/bad as online it sounded/sounds like. But they were all discussing the online meeting and tactics for in person meeting (the one woman who was the "expert" :-) would arrive late to the restaurant or wherever she was going to meet someone and check them out in secret first and just not "show up" if she didn't like their looks!) but that's basically why I quit the group (and it was a married therapist, we were meeting in her home!) they were just talking about dating and singles groups and online dating (and the therapist joined one of the sites!) and, my being married, I just didn't get it!

I imagine there might be "regular" people on there like "us" :-) but it's the same sifting through all those online people as in person I imagine. I met my husband at work and he was married, etc. at the time and I can't imagine if I'd met him online, how that would have happened. The "forced" in-person interaction helped in our case whereas if some guy I chatted with online were to say "I'm married" I would have run the other way.

I'm lazy too; no way I would have driven 8 hours for a date, Seeker :-) I had a boyfriend in the early 1970's in Washington, D.C. and he was in the Navy (we worked together at Sears Roebuck) and he finally got out and went back "home" to Sacramento and eventually I went out to visit him and that was a disaster. We did okay here in my world where I could ignore the bad signs (we'd go to my parent's house in Maryland and wash his car only he'd rewash all the parts I had washed!) but I had a week(?) of horrible times in Sacramento. When I got off the plane back in D.C. I almost kissed the ground and was very glad he lived so far away. He didn't get it though, he married, had children and kept calling me! Even after I married a couple times. I think eventually my number changed or something and I never heard from him again. But I think what we term "losers" are everywhere and could be us in different circumstances, etc. Think about our "friends" and how weird they can be personally :-)

LOL, Perna...Yeah, that 8 hour drive was filled with thoughts of "why did I do this!?!!!" and way too much trouble. I'm lazy too! Since he was a long distance trucker, he had been thru my area, and I had met him, shown him my home, gone to dinner, etc. After the long drive to Ky, he was thru my area again and I met him at the truckstop to go to dinner. The restaurants are limited, so we went to Applebees. They seated us at one of those high tables right in the center of things, where he proceeded to be extremely abusive to the waitress. She kept looking at me like "Why are you with this fella?!?" He also, at the high table, kept reaching over and pawing me, at which I shrank back. That did it for me.

I agree with you, Perna. A work situation, classes you attend, maybe even church, seems a more realistic way to meet someone and get to know them gradually.
Patty

Update on Eharmony...

Since I purchased a membership with Eharmony I have been able to see pictures of the men they have matched me up with. I am extremely disappointed. 97% of the men are ugly! Needless to say I will not be renewing my membership.

This is a very good point. I find that all the time. I think it all has to do with what kind of lifestyles people are into. You know, if you go to a bar, you will most likely meet some alcoholic that doesn't know it yet (because of denial) and doesn't do much else in life.

If you go running in the morning, you will see groups of people that seem to be go getters. (of course still assumptions) BUT

Now you mix those two together, the partiers at night won't be able to get up at 6 for that daily run, nor want to. (NOW this isn't for everyone) As I am sure some partiers keep in very good shape, and that some of these joggers drink throughout the day.

My point is, is that you talk Vegan to someone who hunts every Sunday for Dear Meat they'll think you're nuts. Haha & vice versa, neither belief is wrong. Whether it is working out for that person or not, they'll hopefully figure it out.

I really like the way you put that. Thank You.

I have this ongoing conversation with my dad all the time. People really actually DO tell you whom they are.

My humble opinion is that I wonder if they hire actors/actresses to play the roles in those commercials. I guess if it's really true that someone foudn their soulmate, then that's great. God does lead us where we need to be, even if it may seem odd. For the most part, I kind of think those websites and the phone numbers that are advertised to call and chat lack credibility in my book.

What is sad is that people who have mental health disorders probably buy into this stuff and end up getting hurt.

Well, my last 2 cents on this thread, then I'm opting out! This has been some thread to read through...

Maxi, I was wondering the same thing...that those couples in the commercials might be actors, not real couples.

It's true that online dating can have a lot of weirdoes, but they're not just online.

Seeker, trust your gut. You're right that it takes a lot of discernment. Maybe I'm a little biased since the first & only time I tried online dating I got lucky....It was like finding a needle in a haystack, but I found that needle.

I wouldn't say it's worse than traditional ways of meeting people but different. Take it with a grain of salt, but realize they ARE sincere people on there.