Internet relationships on and off forumsand dating sites

Hello everyone ,

Its time to delve into this in a big way. I need help with this. Its complicated . How to get this out there so its a disccusion.

I have been on a few on line forums in the past three years. All of them have been mental health forums. I have had varied experiences with this . .

I have had communications with two men and two other women from my first forum not this one. The women were having communications with these same men .


One of the men I was writing to I stoped when I found out he was married . after a hurtful blocking on his part . I wrote to him again durring this time I found one of the women I knew from the old forum had been having day to day communication for two years and it was dysfunctional.

I began inqiring about thier marital status or other important questions and I got threatened with discontinuatio of friendship.
I later found that this is still married and also was not revealing his true age.
yet when I confronted I got more threats .

the threats have now escalted into me being a stalker , criminal , and unsafe.

many of you who have gone through therapy and have been honest know what its like to live your life realizing therapist's and doctors look at you this way .

this person has always treated me this way . I have just wanted to be treated other wise .

this person has more power and they always win. Im terified as to what they can do to me now. Its mutual. its destroyed beyond hope .

Ive made ahuge mistake its been a long time .
please becareful with who you choose to correspond with .

please becareful about starting up online correspondance with men who are still married .

I am at a loss now as to how to proceed . it may be I just need to be in real life . that may be safer .

Ive met someone new but they are long distance and they are a spot on match in every way for my ex online friend .
its been confusing .

I'm sad so very sad. so very hurt so very set back into wondering if I should have a relatioship .
You have won my friend . you've succeded in pumuling me when im just trying to stand up.

Patricia

(((((Auroralso)))))

HI, Patricia...
I'm not clear on some of what you've posted. Were these men you met on forums such as PC, or on Internet dating/singles' sites? If they were singles' sites, can you name which ones?
I know, even people here on PC, have met their soulmates thru such singles' sites. I tried that for several years, but my impression, unfortunately, is that a person you meet online can appear to be anything and everything you might want them to be. I stopped, 4 years ago, trying to meet someone this way, feeling I lacked the ability to "discern" between the good and the bad.
You said, "I am at a loss now as to how to proceed . it may be I just need to be in real life . that may be safer ."
You also mentioned stalking. Do you feel that you are being "cyber" stalked at this time? If so, I hope you take measures to protect yourself, such as blocking emails, etc.
Patty

Hi Patty,

The people I met were on a forum that had a similar format but were far from whats happening here at PC. which from what I can see is good healthy nurturing interactions. It feels safe here . This other forum was for those who were suffering from abuse from those with personality disorders .

I saw some great things spoken there and I saw some debilitating defeating information that would basically have anyone running in the opposite direction if one mentioned they had such a disorder. Much of what transpired was cruel and it was allowed. I saw many things happen .

No, these peole I met were not on a dating site. Some did share pictures of thier personal life on these forums not many but a few.

I have shared pictures of me off forum.

I did have one experience . I was stalked by a man on this other forum . And he stalked another woman . we found out by sheer accident . He was a very angry malicious poster who was an MD who sent us photos in PMs . He changed his screen persona . he got close to me by trickery. He left with parting words with glee of mixing medical coctails for these poor individuals.

I have been having some inexpilcable visual connections happen to me both on line and off line that I have been trying to make sense of .

call it devine coincdence . it has me on my knees.

on one hand yes I do feel stalked when I think it through because of these connections. It did not occur to me. till lately.

any way through trying to figure this out . I have been called a stalker a criminal and a danger to a persons family.

I've done much work . I look in many directions . I can see the harm in my need to sort stuff out.

I can see something I did to a woman years ago in my trying to set a boundrie with her that went over board. Telling her not to contact me again or I would call the authorities. for her attack on me in an ACOA meeting I was leading.

what happened as a result of that though was she made lots of phone calls made a huge noise that got me banned from a 12 step meeting. and no one would tell me why .
It devasted me . kept me from meetings for ten years. Im stll gun shy.

I belive Ive learned from this .
To not just go around acuusing someone of being a stalker . or a criminal .

think it through. And more importantly, when thinking about doing it to someone who has been doing much work on themselves knowing whats happened to them preiviously shared all . pretty darn cruel.

About the afraid to procceed. I guess its a combo of having just gone to MY new GP to find out why I fainted a few weeks ago and after being honest with her about my past history as a teen she asked the question.

are you a danger to yourself or others. ? and having had been called this other . Im just hit over and over .

Seeker I don't know you or what your past history or mental health work has been.

I have been through...

A LOT alot of strange happening from doctors and therapists. that have been distructive to me.

I had the therapist I confronted

in anonymous letter about the inappropriate mention of a method for controlling my eating , tell a new therapist I was stalking him ..


So I guess that time I was on my way to my class and he was running down the road with his shirt off was me stalking him.

And the time I went to the university Libray and pulLed up near the university chappel and he was in a wedding and saw me I saw him

that It was me stalking him.

Parinoia from a professional can be very distructive to a victium when they are indeed in the wrong. but they are always in the right because they are knowledgable. Im just a peon.

Its real unfair . Ive been through More that any person should on thier path to recovery .

I just need to trust my inner voice.
at this point . I need more importantly to forgive myself for disobeying it and trying to change this person so I would be treated as an equal not a patient someone to be tested and never trusted.
it aint and never will happen. period. thats real clear.

I need to just stay with those who are safe and stay away from those I have questions about.

whats my point here .
maybe its realy this.

how do I proceed . who do I tell what and how much when making new friends .

should one make friends with a married man . should a married man tell one they are married before beggining any contact or corespondance should one take note of miss represented information provided .

what kind of message is a married man giving when he has had an intmate freindship with another on line woman .

Is it best to not have a friendship with a married man on line.

why am I feeling dumb right now.

does one have the right to have true information when corresponding with an online male friend.

I think you may have a key answer here . You can't really discern the good and the bad just through online comunication.

I have also learned one thing . if one is sharing information and ideas one not need send or post pictures of oneself in various settings telling a person how nice it is to be here but you cannot.

live and learn I feel like the ultimate Chump. right now.



Patricia




er1950;932310]HI, Patricia...
I'm not clear on some of what you've posted. Were these men you met on forums such as PC, or on Internet dating/singles' sites? If they were singles' sites, can you name which ones?
I know, even people here on PC, have met their soulmates thru such singles' sites. I tried that for several years, but my impression, unfortunately, is that a person you meet online can appear to be anything and everything you might want them to be. I stopped, 4 years ago, trying to meet someone this way, feeling I lacked the ability to "discern" between the good and the bad.
You said, "I am at a loss now as to how to proceed . it may be I just need to be in real life . that may be safer ."
You also mentioned stalking. Do you feel that you are being "cyber" stalked at this time? If so, I hope you take measures to protect yourself, such as blocking emails, etc.
Patty

[/quote]

"The people I met were on a forum that had a similar format but were far from whats happening here at PC. which from what I can see is good healthy nurturing interactions. It feels safe here . "
I agree, Patricia (my name is Patricia also!). One thing I've observed here on PC, is that if someone is behaving inappropriately, i.e., trying to seduce or even hinting at stalking, they don't remain here long. It is very well moderated, and inappropriate posts are usually stopped.
PC has helped me tremendously since I came here initially 4 years ago. I needed helpful feedback and I got it! I have made some really good friends here.
I hope you find PC as safe and helpful as I have.
Love
Patty

I just noticed your join date so your words count and Ihave read just a few of your posts and I have senced a good core from you.

I want to feel safe as well to express my pain. I have reeasons to fear based on past treatment . I have shared to the best and safest I can .

Patricia

also ,,, I noticed in your OP thread something about >> a second peep being dead on same as your cyber peep ?
Ive met someone new but they are long distance and they are a spot on match in every way for my ex online friend .
its been confusing .
Just a suggestion ,,,, maybe change your approach and / or M.O.
If ya reeling in same type of fish >> * change bait * ?

WMD.

you have an unusal style of writing WMD . You speack your mind.

The real life Peep was a spot on match physically and in some manerisums for an Online Peep I have never met IRL.

There was no fishing involved just confusion .

I think I need to change my approach to maybe just real Life. This new person I have met likes my writing alot . Not married rather nice . and Nice and TALL . His father lives here in my town. I don't know much about him yet . And he is very busy with work right now . here is something I like about him . Just isn't clear yet.

I know I have written alot that may not make much sence. This morning something came to me to pull this together. I was asking myself if I feel stalked this morning . And in a way I do . I feel I have been read , psychologically profiled, examined , piginholed , an discussed by a friend .

this is not what I want nor need in a friendship or a relationship.

the last woman friend i abandoned was because knew she was a therapist before becomming a cook. I didn't want to have to get into any past experiences and be looked at as abusive and a danger to others that way My friend has always seen me.

The woman who I asked to not approach me and the result was my being banned was a psyche nurse who was an adult child o an achoholic whi made me out to be dangerous. Thats the only thing I could come up with as to why the group mobing and not telling me why .

It was the single most cruel destrucive event in my life . all my support was taken from me for what had to be a trumped up underground discussion.

So I have made a descision. I will never date nor befriend a man who is either has or is practicing psyhology or counceling . also phyche nurses. maybe even nurses and doctors . Nor will I have close female friends in that arena I've sufferd to much pain . The draw for me is to be understood and accepted . right . No doesn't happen just at arms legth.his may seem a bit extreeme but ive been put through so much . there are many people out there to meet and be with . So Yes WMD change the bait or really fish in another lake or fish for king fish instead of hammer head sharks .

Now just what all I should reveale in a freindship that leads to an intimate relationship

I'm at a loss . I usually like to be honest and open . But so far It's just lead to trauma . I can' take it any more .

I haven't dated in 11.5 years . And right now I feel like crap,

Patricia

also ?? OK ...

May I work backwards >> as to my example : [ I like that you mentioned my * odd * sense of wording / writing >> I think there is a club for " translating me " >> LOL > Joking ]

transgress from where you be now .... It reflects growth ,, or ...???

And then ,, there is also your aversion to certain peeps ..
[ Keeping open mind ] >> .... Have not seen that as a >> * must do * ,,,
Just sometimes >> we may / can Make choices ,, to watch and listen .. [ and walk away ]

WMD ..

[quote=I_WMD;933623]also ?? OK ...

May I work backwards >> as to my example : [ I like that you mentioned my * odd * sense of wording / writing >> I think there is a club for " translating me " >> LOL > Joking ]

transgress from where you be now .... It reflects growth ,, or ...???

And then ,, there is also your aversion to certain peeps ..
[ Keeping open mind ] >> .... Have not seen that as a >> * must do * ,,,
Just sometimes >> we may / can Make choices ,, to watch and listen .. [ and walk away ]




Transgress from where you be now. it reflects growth ....or maybe not.

trangression is to disobey or breach a promise or contract.

There are many rules people have that they place on themselves and others.

we each have a choice to stay or go or see or not see . I have chosen to not see the waving red flags that have been flying high and strong .

I remember them and thier cruetly and they are still there .

am I closing the door on others for in the future based on a few individuals behavior? for now yes . Might I keep an open mind for the chance there may be a few who are genuininly not controlers? yes I can keep a crack open .

as you shared ,

To watch and listen , then walk away . Good plan .

paying attention to the warnings . I didnt do it . I need to pay attention.

theres already three flags fly in this new person .
I need to pay attention.

so Patricia is alone . no one , Better to be alone than mistreated . repressed talked down to controlled .

and not engaged , not having the other come forward . aways being in the waiting position always being in the risking postion. and the other not risking.

Im hurt and very sad..

but glad I'm free.



Thank you Corky.

Patricia

Hi Corky,

Wanted to ask but didn't last night. I am hard to follow when I speack my mind as well. I start off with one track and say if a word has a double meaning like double entendre , Il take a new fork in the road of lanuguge. Its a journey that can start in the park and end up in South Africa . But in the end theres truth in the round up.

The round up can be a hearding of anything, even leaves . like the gathering of leaves. I herd leaves in the fall .

and at times I heard them fall. Punny sometimes. Also cryptic.

but back to how you write since this is better comunications. LOL.

Are you writing what your wondering about. Like are you asking yourself is it okay to call me "also". Or maybe.

Am I at the right location for responding to Aurora .. also.. LOL !

what's behind the use of

>> and << .

Ive never seen anyone use these in thier writting.

I use ...... as a pause of contimplation. or sometimes emphasis.

and whats behind these. //// for you.

its part of the unspoken I know what these are. (((Corky)))

I'm not sure whats behind the use of these either. . ,,,,,,

vs. using .....

Patricia