[WhiteClouds]

Hi PC Fam,
I saw my T on Tuesday. The session was about my upcoming TVH next Wednesday. Well during our discussion, I explained to him sexuality is all primal and instinctive in the end. No matter how Freudian you get about it or philosophical.Blah, Blah, blah.
(I don't know if it is because I'm Southern or some sort of prude. However some words I cringe whenever anyone say them. )
He then replies, "well it's nothing like a good ****ing. Sometimes you just want a good ****. Love making, whatever you may call it.
Lord help me I was about to BLACK OUT He said the F word!!!!!!! repeatedly!

Why in the world would he say that word of ALL words. I guess he saw how mortified I was then put his hands on his head reclined, crossed his legs and closed his eyes. Like he was cool saying it.

I don't know why. But I can not handle hearing or reading the f, p, d, s, a, t, words. I can't. I become mortified. Like panicky. It seems so vile, disgusting, cheap, nasty, adult film like in context. And no I do not believe in that either.

Has your T ever used inappropriate words before during sessions?

Perhaps he was demonstrating that you couldn't shock him? That if he can be so frank about it you might find it easier to say the things you need to?

My T has used the F word, as have I, but not in that kind of context, just as a general expletive

[tealBumblebee]

But...what is the p and t cuss words? I have a good guess on p - drawing a blank on t lol - oh wait..i have an idea...

But nope, T doesn't cuss in session - and I highly doubt she cusses outside of session either.

[Favorite Jeans]

I swear all the time in therapy and in most other contexts and I have to tell you I would have been freaked right out if my T had said that. In my mind there's a difference between using f*cking as a generic adjective or adverb (eg "so f*cking tired!") and using it in its literal sense to talk about having sex--the latter sounding either excessively crass, violent or intimate. I think he at least owes you an acknowledgement of your discomfort rather than an implicit unapologetic "I'm cool with this."

[stopdog]

I would not consider the use of those words as inappropriate as such. The one I see has used a variety of words for the male member when I just use a technical body parts word (p----s). She seemed to think I was using clinical language and I tried to explain that as a middle aged lesbian, I had no need for a thesaurus variety of words to describe one small body part that held little to no interest for me.

[IndieVisible]

IMHO it would be very inappropriate and unprofessional if you were a woman and he was a man. But two men talking or two women talking would be ok. Just my 2 cents

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

I swear all the time in therapy and in most other contexts and I have to tell you I would have been freaked right out if my T had said that. In my mind there's a difference between using f*cking as a generic adjective or adverb (eg "so f*cking tired!") and using it in its literal sense to talk about having sex--the latter sounding either excessively crass, violent or intimate. I think he at least owes you an acknowledgement of your discomfort rather than an implicit unapologetic "I'm cool with this."

Yes, there is a huge difference between the two. He was talking about the latter. He used it meaning the act of sex. I have been married 14 years and we never say that word. Or make love. We may say" I want some". Or "Gimmie"/Or no words just start. But my heavens why use such an ugly word. I curse often in sessions. Never those words. I look at people a certain way if they use those when discussing sex. So vulgar. Even if we are discussing sexual health within my marriage I never say those words. I don't say the p word. I called it my pocketbook.
I am in utter shock. Of all people. The self proclaimed gentleman cussing like that. Potty mouth!!

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

IMHO it would be very inappropriate and unprofessional if you were a woman and he was a man. But two men talking or two women talking would be ok. Just my 2 cents

I agree.

[SkinnySoul]

Meh, I think it kind of depends. For instance, I once complained about how I feel like the only thing men want from me is to jump me. And then he used the same word("jump") to reply to me, so I didn't see it as inappropriate.
In your case, he was either playful(oops, bad T) or he wanted to show you a word is just a word and you shouldn't be afraid of it.

Originally Posted by SkinnySoul

Meh, I think it kind of depends. For instance, I once complained about how I feel like the only thing men want from me is to jump me. And then he used the same word("jump") to reply to me, so I didn't see it as inappropriate.
In your case, he was either playful(oops, bad T) or he wanted to show you a word is just a word and you shouldn't be afraid of it.

I agree SKinny. A word is just a word. It's the meaning that we give to that word that can make it offensive.

For example: the word bad. In one sense it's something good and positive or it good mean something negative. It all depends on the meaning that we attached to the word, not the word itself.

I hope I made that clear. But those words are just words. It's us that puts meaning behind them.

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

I agree SKinny. A word is just a word. It's the meaning that we give to that word that can make it offensive.

For example: the word bad. In one sense it's something good and positive or it good mean something negative. It all depends on the meaning that we attached to the word, not the word itself.

I hope I made that clear. But those words are just words. It's us that puts meaning behind them.

Hi Jeffro,
Is there another meaning for ****ing when discussing sex? As a man do you say this word in the presence of ladies?

It depends on the situation. But, the whole meaning of my post was to say that words are not inherently bad. We make them bad or good. We put the meaning behind the words.

Do I use those words in everyday conversation? No, I don't. However, I also know they are just words.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds;3263643
[SIZE=3

Lord help me I was about to BLACK OUT He said the F word!!!!!!! repeatedly![/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]

[COLOR=#8b0000]I don't know why. But I can not handle hearing or reading the f, p, d, s, a, t, words. I can't. I become mortified. Like panicky. It seems so vile, disgusting, cheap, nasty, adult film like in context. And no I do not believe in that either.

This sounds like a very strong reaction to what amounts to just words. Sure they might not be words you choose to use, but becoming unable to handle hearing or reading or panicky over words, even ones considered vulgar, is something the therapist may be trying to get you look at.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

Yes, there is a huge difference between the two. He was talking about the latter. He used it meaning the act of sex. I have been married 14 years and we never say that word. Or make love. We may say" I want some". Or "Gimmie"/Or no words just start. But my heavens why use such an ugly word. I curse often in sessions. Never those words. I look at people a certain way if they use those when discussing sex. So vulgar. Even if we are discussing sexual health within my marriage I never say those words. I don't say the p word. I called it my pocketbook.
I am in utter shock. Of all people. The self proclaimed gentleman cussing like that. Potty mouth!!

Hmmm... OTOH maybe it's worth exploring why it's so hard to talk about sexuality or sexual parts in a more forthright manner. Especially with respect to your feelings about upcoming surgery on said parts. That doesn't mean he should cast you as prudish (or shame you for it which I sort of think he was doing.) But why is it hard for you to use more direct language than "pocketbook"? Even within your marriage?

What does vulgar mean to you and how does that impact your ability to feel comfortable with you sexuality?

Therapy is weird like that though. I'm pretty good with talking openly about sex with my partner or kids and have even done a lot of sexuality education with teens and young adults answering very explicit questions without squirming. But I find it mortifying to talk in any detail about sex or even say "vagina" for eg in T.

[tinyrabbit]

My T swears. Not in a mean way - often it's funny, e.g. I reminded him of something he said by going: "Well, this therapist recently told me that xyz..." and he said: "I know, that stupid b*stard!"

He has no problem with swear words, sex stuff, body parts, anything, which I think is good as I don't have to worry about what I say or write down.

[nicoleflynn]

I think if as children, we learned the proper words for our body parts, we wouldn't be so freaked out about other words..my t has only a few times used the f word (I don't swear), but he knows how I hate crude stuff.

It's only a word. You need to figure out why this is such a big deal to you.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

[SIZE=3]I saw my T on Tuesday. The session was about my upcoming TVH next Wednesday. Well during our discussion, [bold]I explained to him sexuality is all primal and instinctive [/b] in the end. No matter how Freudian you get about it or philosophical.Blah, Blah, blah.

I think he was just responding to your "explanation" - what do you mean by explanation? It sounds to me like you are both saying the same thing. That feelings and commitment and mushy stuff like that don't really enter into it for you? Idk. Your explanation of it being primal sounds so philosophical! I don't get it - it's very self-contradictory. Very intriguing...

Despite the word your T used...he's right....

I have taught my children to use the correct terminology for body parts. I don't mind my T using whatever word he wants to use and I don't need to filter myself either....

I'm confused about what the letter words are... first I thought they stood for cuss words... but now I'm thinking its body parts? I could not stand to have to figure out all of these slang words...

[nicoleflynn]

I think if you felt like you were going to "black out" because of the f word, it sounds as if there is more going on that meets the eye....Unfortunately, a lot of people use it (I don't) and i work on a college campus, where I hear it all day long......if you were here, you would be unconscious always. Occassionally my t will swear and I just roll my eyes at him, because he knows I hate crude. I think it is unprofessional.....I mean if you went to an M.D. or an attorney, you wouldn't expect to hear swearing. Be straight with him and tell you how/why you didn't like that word. If he does it again, you will know he is trying to shock you (childish). Maybe write those words a hundred times and the shock value will wear off a little.

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

Hi PC Fam,
I saw my T on Tuesday. The session was about my upcoming TVH next Wednesday. Well during our discussion, I explained to him sexuality is all primal and instinctive in the end. No matter how Freudian you get about it or philosophical.Blah, Blah, blah.
(I don't know if it is because I'm Southern or some sort of prude. However some words I cringe whenever anyone say them. )
He then replies, "well it's nothing like a good ****ing. Sometimes you just want a good ****. Love making, whatever you may call it.
Lord help me I was about to BLACK OUT He said the F word!!!!!!! repeatedly!

Why in the world would he say that word of ALL words. I guess he saw how mortified I was then put his hands on his head reclined, crossed his legs and closed his eyes. Like he was cool saying it.

I don't know why. But I can not handle hearing or reading the f, p, d, s, a, t, words. I can't. I become mortified. Like panicky. It seems so vile, disgusting, cheap, nasty, adult film like in context. And no I do not believe in that either.

Has your T ever used inappropriate words before during sessions?

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

Yes, there is a huge difference between the two. He was talking about the latter. He used it meaning the act of sex. I have been married 14 years and we never say that word. Or make love. We may say" I want some". Or "Gimmie"/Or no words just start. But my heavens why use such an ugly word. I curse often in sessions. Never those words. I look at people a certain way if they use those when discussing sex. So vulgar. Even if we are discussing sexual health within my marriage I never say those words. I don't say the p word. I called it my pocketbook.
I am in utter shock. Of all people. The self proclaimed gentleman cussing like that. Potty mouth!!

It was tasteless and inappropriate in the context you describe. I agree that there are cases where it not be uncomfortable and awkward, this is not one of them. He lapsed in judgement and disrespected your sensitivity towards the issue. That seems like a red flag. A bright Ferrari-red banner.

[tooski]

It sounds to me like he was mirroring/rephrasing what you had just said. You were telling him that sex was just primal, and he agreed and called it by a base, "primal" name, rather than something more socially acceptable like makin' whoopee, lovemaking, etc. I suspect there's a lot here to explore in your therapy and T is trying to get reactions from you and bring out some emotion that you can work with.

My T did a similar thing. We both know that someday I'm going to have to talk about my feelings for him, but I keep putting it off. One day when I was skirting the issue, he said, "You know, therapy is all about love." And then used the L word again but I can't remember how. He was saying it first, saying it out loud in the room, to try to make it easier for me to say it. Once it was out there, then it should be easier for me to say it, because I'm not the first one. I think maybe your T was doing something like that??

[murray]

My T has used the F word a number of times. He has even used it to refer to sexual acts. In one instance I think he was trying to get me to realize that I could be angry at my then husband for cheating on me so my T said that my husband had f***ed another woman. It was quite jarring to hear him say it and when I questioned his wording he said that he wasn't interested in being delicate about that topic as I had been very hurt and betrayed. In a way it was nice because I got the impression that me T was angry on my behalf.

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

It was tasteless and inappropriate in the context you describe. I agree that there are cases where it not be uncomfortable and awkward, this is not one of them. He lapsed in judgement and disrespected your sensitivity towards the issue. That seems like a red flag. A bright Ferrari-red banner.

Indeed. That is the point. If the client (me) is using proper terminology, or not using vulgarity to discuss sexuality. It is NOT appropriate for him to decide to switch to vulgarity to convey a point. FYI. He ended up saying I was correct and understood my point of view, BEFORE.. I repeat BEFORE he started with the vulgarity. Thanks Hopeless for understanding.

[WhiteClouds]

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Throwing flag blowing whistle. Wait a minute. Some of you have went all the way to the left & right with this.
First let me say I am 35 years old and very comfortable with sex, sexuality. I am a proud mother of 3. Ages 16,14, and 10 years of age. I digress. With that said my children are taught proper terminology for every part of their body. However, as a LADY I do not normally discuss my sex life with anyone other than my husband As that is decent & proper in my opinion Based on my standard. Due to a medical procedure I unfortunately needed to express my concerns about the physical, sexual, and emotional impact of this procedure.
Please keep in mind I have faced & dealt with Transference, erotic transference towards this same T. I thought it best to discuss the issue in a very clinical sense. I thought it would be wise to discuss the issue within professional boundaries. Understand it was no easy task discussing this with the person I believed in December - February I was madly in love with and frequently fantasied about.
I've worked tremendously hard to keep parameters and MYSELF in check for the best outcomes.
Lord, the way some of you are talking is like I am afraid of sex or something. Unfortunately, some of you fail to see.. Some things are simply in poor taste to say. Especially if the client is not one to go around saying words like that. Why? I'm a lady. We've actually laughed about me calling my VAGINA a pocketbook. He cracked up about it and said and I quote" always the lady. In all things aren't you?" He then shared an experience he had in the South and UNDERSTOOD and knew someone who used the same term.
Not all men run around calling their penis a penis. Some of them literally give it a name or associate it with another part of their personality. You will some times hear them speak about themselves in the 3rd person using a nick name of sorts when discussing sex, their penis.
I do apologize for the delayed response. Today was my pre-op appointment and it literally lasted ALL day.