Prayer to God

Dear Lord,
I pray that You bless the world and all the wars that are happening. The world is in Your hands.
You know my life and all that has happened. Lord I pray that You may set me free from my past and show me a new way. You know that I am in pain, You see how much I cry and I know it breaks Your heart to see me tied to it. I know You want me to get over it. But I am not able to. I need something, I need Your help. I need the angels around me and Your guidance. I need You to keep me safe because even if I feel I am like a clueless bird, you see me as Your beloved child. I have only one request Lord. Either bless him the way You forgive people, or hold him accountable. I need You to bless me. I wont say that You are far from me, or that You avert Your eyes. I want to believe that You are teaching me detachment, how to let go, move on and be unaffected by the pains in this world. You see my tears and You have put them in a bottle. I know You are not disappointed in me. Help me not be disappointed in myself. I know You will walk me through it at my own pace. You are the God of healing. I am healing even when I feel like I am stuck.
I want to follow hope, not regret, but both are my friends, and both need Your love. I go to church each day since a while, and I write my prayers often. Help me sing Your praises even in pain. Help me release it day by day. Or week by week.
Thank You for blessing me with the strength to never reach out again to those in my past, even though they haunt my thoughts. Lord, help me read the book called body keeps the score and work on it with my counsellor. Thank You Lord that she is trauma informed. Thank You that she was available even on Monday. Thank You that the booking is so easy. Thank You that I can meet her in a day. You have blessed me in that. Lord, take this discomfort away from me. I pray and release it to You. Slowly. Since a part of me holds on, I dont want to deny it the need to express its nature of holding on. But I know You will set me free.

“Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, And the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.”
**Isaiah‬ *35‬:*5‬ *NKJV‬‬

One day the scales will tip and I will be more healed than hurt, and I will see the world through clear eyes, rather than denial of what has happened to me.

“My prayer is that light will flood your hearts and that you will understand the hope that was given to you when God chose you. Then you will discover the glorious blessings that will be yours together with all God's people.”
**Ephesians‬ *1‬:*18‬ *CEVUK‬‬

open my eyes Lord to the hope that You have set out for me, the future which is for my good and not harm. You chose me Lord and You have planned to give me glorious blessings to be mine together with God’s people. I have hope in me because God chose me, I choose Him back, I pray that light flood my heart.
“The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.””
**Zephaniah‬ *3‬:*17‬ *NKJV‬‬
You are good to us always, You delight in us. I am shocked to know that You are proud of me. That is all I need. I am satisfied. If God is proud of me, what shall I be afraid of? Noone can break me.
Be with me as I study today Lord, and help me give those thoughts to You when they come.
In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.

Dear Lord,
I was away from You! I was in the dark and I know You are still my Father. And You welcomed me with open arms even though I wondered why You would not be with me or let pain be in my life.
“remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world.”
**Ephesians‬ *2‬:*12‬ *NIV‬‬
I am so relieved to come back to You.

Dear Lord,
There are many who are hurting and away from You, I pray that they may receive healing.
Lord, You know my pain. You know the things that happen to me, my worries and troubles. Lord, last night was so tough but You were with me. Forgive me for turning away again. But I had to for a moment. I was overtaken and I was analysing everything. I had to cry. Lord bless my body and help me regulate my cycle. Help me exercise oh Lord. I have been sedentary for too long. I must get up and move. Lord bless my body, bless my thoughts and my day. I think emotional problems are very common. Help us not to repress/suppress our emotions rather give them to You. I was watching a movie and it inspired me to work on myself. I know You are with me always. Help me not to get sucked into money problems and drift away from my family. You helped me grow closer to them.
In Jesus’ name, amen.

Lord, I am tired of holding onto this pain. I am tired of feeling trapped between my longing for connection and the shame of what happened. I ask You to break any soul tie or trauma bond that still connects me to him. I give You my memories, my flashbacks, my hopeless dark feelings, my arousal, my confusion, all of it. Heal me, Lord, in the deepest parts of me. Let this pain lose its power. I am ready to stop carrying this on my own. I trust that You are making a new way for me, one filled with healthy love, clarity, and peace. Protect me from future harm, and help me trust myself and my boundaries again. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen

Dear Lord, I’m hurting. I didn’t know what would happen, and I feel ashamed and confused. But I know You see my heart. You know I wasn’t trying to sin or betray myself. I release this guilt to You. Please take it from me. I am not dirty. I am not foolish. I am Your child, and You love me fully, even in my pain. Help me to forgive myself, even when it feels impossible. And Lord, if I ever feel this kind of pull again; help me recognize it, stand firm, and trust in the worth You’ve placed on my heart and body. Thank You for loving me, even when I don’t feel
I am wise and careful. Amen.

Dear lord,
“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.”
**Romans‬ *8‬:*5‬ *NIV‬‬
help me to live according to your will.
Amen

Dear God, I feel hurt. It feels like no matter what I do, I couldn’t win. But I know You see the whole story, the parts I can’t understand right now. Please remind me that I’m not a worthless person, that this pain doesn’t define me, and that You still have a good plan for my life. Heal the places in me that feel used and discarded. Help me to see that victory isn’t about telling him anything, it’s about taking back my heart, my worth, and my hope. Thank You for loving me even when I can’t love myself. Amen.

Dear God, I feel so abandoned, so hurt, and so angry. I don’t understand why You let this happen and honestly, I was struggling to trust You. Take me back! I know You’re still with me, even in this pain. Please remind me that my life has value, that I wasn’t born just to suffer alone. Show me how to take one more step, even when I don’t want to. Heal my heart, Lord I’m too exhausted to do this alone. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

This prayer is gonne be raw honest and full of complaints. As tired as I am Lord. Once again i am left with the longer length of the rope. All the burden is on me. Women generally push away the man and the man welcomes her advances he said. The context was in physical intimacy. I know I know what You are saying, You never meant for this to hurt me this much. But look at his mindset. Shows that I had lost before it begun. I went on even though he didnt want a relationship. I said I wanted more but never specified what it was, it was a messy mix of everything. I just wanted nice hugs but he misunderstood me. But You are a God of clarity, save me. Clang! I heard the sound of something fall. It terrified me. It felt like someone is angry with me. So hurt so broken. I have no clue how You plan on healing me. That is Your burden to carry great. Another thing I have no clue about. I have to live with life now. Knowing I have no control and simply doing Your will. Direction shown by You, anger taken by You. What for am I here? To get thrown around by people? To hear them say all kinds of stuff to me? I had noone Lord. Neither my mother nor my father. I was all alone. I have had enough of praising You. I have some anger to let go of. My friend and I had a falling out. He was as busy as ever. And said such rude things to me. He said I am hurting myself and he is gonna go coz it is hurting him too. Great. Abandon me. Avni never reached out very often. I am tired of people doing this to me. My phone has less charge, I hope I can type it out soon enough. Even my charger is trying to hurt me with electric stings. How tired I am of this world lord. At this point I am just alive. Somehow. so numb. So tired. I feel like throwing my phone out. I dont want to be scared of men lord. I dont want to puke when i see them or panic if they walk too close. I want freedom. Amen.

Dear Lord
Guess whos back, thats right its me. I spent the morning handling everything. I spoke as though he were here. I got a lot of answers. I wish this process wasnt so painful. What do we even learn from hardships? Perhaps to help others. I cam only help those who went through breakups and losses. Lost several friendships and so much more. But You are still here. What a cruel trick to play, to teach me only You are sufficient. How am I supposed to be satisfied being with You? Is this solitude really that beneficial to me? I remember a few years ago in covid i was fine i didnt need anyone. Only recently the pain of being bored and lonely began. But I used to cry when dad didnt let me go to play. So many signs. I have resorted to raising myself and I still fail. Even my therapist wasnt there. How could I have been left so alone? Was this the lesson you were trying to teach me? I went through all the emotions. I cant even sing without feeling strange. Save me. Look how unpredictable I am. The others are too by the way. They are all humans. Why did you even make humans so fallible? Why do I know so much yet know so little? All of my friends went ahead of me. Maybe they have never been depressed, never experienced a break up as bad as mine was. Mixed in with a trauma bond. Only You know why we seek out validation from rude people. I love old movies. But they also make me cry. So many like me have been through the same. Or similar. Or there are stories at least. As long as the humans have been around, it has been the human condition to err. To err is human. Then why all this pain? To others? Drop a glass or something, why cheat my trust? Or did he even? Or did he find a way to fool me? His name means to honour. It means pride, dignity. I dont feel very proud of him but I have to sit and honour everything. All the good parts and let go of the sad parts. Perhaps I was in darkness and I attracted darkness. Or maybe I am the same thats why i am feeling this. He caused pain out of the shortcoming of his own pain.
I know You are speechless. You knew this guy. Why did You wait? Oh wait its my own fault, i was away from You. Right. Thanks for having me back. Like where were the angels. Free will. Me, innocent, stupid, walking on and on in the dark. Wheres the light Lord? You are the light. Great. Thanks for having me back .
Amen.

Dear Lord
I am actually more terrifying than I seem. I am in the light and perhaps I was in the light and this terrified him. Thats why it is written, The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. Because it clings to the light out of fear. Maybe You protected me in some way. Maybe You kept me away from the other guy at least a little. I would have gotten influenced to get more depressed, but I knew I was strong. Why are people like this? Free will. They have the chance to hurt as badly as we can be loved. To tear apart and go. Remorse is the name of the cap they wear to cover the fear that makes them run away. Are they that cowardly to face me? I faced so many people. Apologised and stuff. I am a bag of apologies. I need to apologise to myself for dragging this on. But my therapist tells me it means a part of me needs attention. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Thank You for taking him away. Obviously he bore bad fruits. At that time. He was in the darkness just like my cousins. They will have their reward. But thank You for pruning me and almost killing me in the process. Now I know how powerful You are. That You can do this, bring us to the verge of death but never really anything happens. Wow You are powerful great. Wow. The man was so stupid he would have accepted anything just anything anywhere why do such people exist? This is more an extreme sport than anything i have heard of. He had all the free will Lord but I sincerely wish You had created a taser that twitches us whenever we say something wrong but no we walk and walk and fall and die and You are like ah never mind I still love You. As if I would know better! I was nineteen or something. Wow so smart right. nah. I knew but i was stupid. Just take me away from this please I am so SICK of it. I gave him my favourite songs and everything. So what? You can give it to the next one. Did You not know, how depressed I was? Of course You knew. You still know. Great. Just take me away from this please. First of all You put me in a broken world and then You are like this is for your own good. I am not in the darkness anymore. I am gonna fight. Look how I switch. How unstable I am. How can I carry this. I guess I will still fight. I was born for this. I got selected for student military for a reason. Maybe You saw the drive in me. The quality to fight and keep fighting. But please keep these ****ing creeps away from me please! How can You let them near me and say it was my free will? With every second I am away from the incidents by a second. Yet I am burdened like a donkey carrying stones. I swear You better send me someone who will at least seek me out if they get blocked. Had to let go of all this hear me? I am so angry right now. But relieved that I am safe. Thank You for that I guess
Amen

Dear Lord
I keep fearing men. Its okay to call up my guy friend, the only guy I talk to. If they are standing or sitting its fine. The second they move, I dont like it. My hands freeze. Trauma response apparently. But my friend has told me to face that fear slowly. I am experiencing burnout. I seem to have returned to my old way of speaking in curt sentences. Which means I am tired again. And I used to speak like this because I used to get interrupted a lot. Maybe texting is my thing. Who knows. I know that others may have been through worse but it doesnt take away what I have also been through. Lord, in our darkest times. This happens. Its true they say, when it rains, it pours. Everything bad that could happen, happened within a year or two and now I am living with it since a year and struggling. I want freedom. Give me freedom. Tomorrow I am gonna speak to my therapist. I know she will say I cant look for a donut in a tyre shop. I am in denial. My friend said, oh I would love to meet your parents, meanwhile he said oh your dad is here time to leave I guess. Creepy. Because he assumed the dynamic is like that. That is how they fool people. I mourn the lack of instinct in me. I am trying to understand everything now itself when in reality I know it will take time. I skipped classes, assignments and even exams, I went home and escaped every bloody thing, and still watched a movie with my family. I pray often now. Be with me.
Amen

Good morning, Lord. As you can already see, my life is weird now. You've given me everything. Given me college, given me a home, now my mom and dad and sister are nicer to me. And why am I stuck? Why am I still crying? You've given me therapy and you've given me tuition classes. Maybe it's my fault that I keep ruminating and I'm ruining my life and everybody else's. Wasting money, wasting time because of it. But can't you see that I am stuck here? I can't even do meditation because it reminds me of the past so badly. I am seriously, seriously stuck. I don't know why people don't see that I am this scared and that it is not in my control. If it were, I would probably be able to just talk to anybody out there. I'll tell you something, Lord. It is written that a little slumber, little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come like a thief, an attack. I don't know if I said the verse correctly, but the point is that it comes like an attack and I never realized. Maybe this is what has happened. It was slow. Suddenly it built up and then there was this attack. You see how I continuously try to rationalize everything and my whole brain and body is directing the energy towards this alone. I have therapy in two hours. I don't even know what she'll say. I'm just confused at this point. I keep remembering my friend who was with me when I was lost. I was in moms office and lying down and sleeping. All I did was sleep in those days. My body was exhausted, trying to stay alive. Even food wasnt regular. I did this to myself. I didnt exercise, i didnt socialise, i didnt study, i ate too less and too irregularly, i didnt pray or read the bible as often as I should, i wasted time with useless people and didnt move out sooner. I couldve joined college then, but I was busy recovering. How could I have managed? My pride got in the way. I wanted to do so much. Only movies showed me the reality of war. But thats the whole reason afterwards, I wanted to escape. No wonder I was in my laptop so much, in my phone and distracted always, I did this to myself. My cognitive ability went down and I know it will improve. I can see the brighter days. I imagine it to be the way you promised, running over. But here is the deal right, I wake up and have loads to do. Either my clothed are all over or the notes are incomplete or I didnt exercise and I am WASTING my time. But my therapist says overthinking means my body is trying to tell me something. The whole universe wants me to be away from this man. Notice how my prayers got more and more unhinged. I am stuck, Lord. DO SOMETHING
Please
Amen

Dear Lord,
Effort payed off, I think I should give myself a treat. Thank You for being with me the whole time, through my anger and irritation, through my stress and pain, you are the best. I think I am beginning to realise that. I came back to the ruins of my bed and my studies. I was away at war I feel. You helped me realise a lot of things.
Amen