Roll call

..its 10....
the appts in 11 hours.
i should start preparing.

8 hours left.

6 hours left

Hehehehehe.
I once read a case where the party names were Di ck Butt and Sandra Butt. I was like . . . . if you know your surname is Butt, WHY WOULD YOU SHORTEN RICHARD TO DI CK?!?!

5 hours left

Newtus, honey, I think we need to find you something to distract yourself with. What do you like to do?

what do you mean?

4 hours left

It doesn't seem very pleasant to just worry and count down to your appointment. Can we think of something for you to do in the interim?

like what?

Do you like to watch film? Listen to the radio? Draw? Knit? Eat? Sleep, even?

When I'm bored, I like to listen to these:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/ahistoryoftheworld/programme
I'm a huge history buff, though.

You were the first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning, newtus. Good luck with your appointment. You'll be fine. Try not to get yourself so worked up that you're a nervous wreck - or more of a wreck - by 8:00.

You mentioned last night that you're going to this appointment because you've been noncompliant with the meds. I thought you were "noncompliant" because you didn't want the meds. Are you under some kind of court order to take medication?

That ... is ... funny! I'm laughing out loud. I hope I don't wake my son up

wow.
youve said that maybe 2 or 3 times now.

yea.
im noncompliant because i dont want them. im not under a court order. i almost was thank god not! like i said i respect my dad. but i try to swerve his ideas about meds away from our convos. i did for almost a month now. i did for many months til i went to the hospital. lately hes been doing stuff like calling and taking me out of the blue. i dont want to fight him. he talks to me about stuff like the police may pick me up in public again or i might goto terrell. which is a state hospital in texas. 70 miles from here. i almost got sent there. they may have been trying to scare me. the staff that time. idk.
but...
i really want a couple of meds on my mind. and its...just..to keep it short. i have to goto a psych to get them.
thats two reasons
but anyway i really really was wanting to cancel last night or this..morning. the appt. because ..i mean...once i get that injection...my life is over...its just..its over... in every way... ive been through this stuff already....in different forms...man...

3 hours left.

heyy
i actually HATE sleeping
i think its a waste of time.
but i naturally cannot sleep anyway. so i dont worry about it.
i like films...and alex jones radio show...i draw...i hate eating.
hm..i play my drums.

Why don't you draw and listen to the radio for a while?
Drumming sounds fantabulous, but I can't imagine it would be welcome at whatever ungodly hour it is on your side of the pond

BTW
REMEMBER I MENTIONED MY TV TURNING ON BY ITSELF yesterday?
WELL i heard something outside sounded like an engine speeding up
then i hear 2-3 planes taking off i looked outside after and didnt see
ANYTHING i was SO SO SO SO scared. Then i step out into my hallway
facing opposite my living area to think for second. then the TV TURNS ON!
...
I START FLIPPING OUT. im thinking..."the planes..the tv...the timing....
..they turned it on...this makes no sense...im not THAT close to an airport"
...i was like screaming around my house...it just makes NO SENSE. and i
was pretty much in the living room. NO ONE WAS THERE. ABSOLUTELY
NO ONE. MY TV DOES.NOT.HAVE.AN.AUTO.TURN.ON.ITS.NEVER.BEEN.
DOING.THIS.FOR.4.YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its 6am.
i play my drums in the morning.
its ok cause im in the rural.

Newtus, any chance the batteries in your TV remote are on the fritz? That sometimes happens.

Could also be that the wiring is going. I had a toaster that would randomly start toasting when the wiring went.

Play drums, then?

In my world, anything before 8 is ungodly. I used to wake up at quarter to five to go running, then I decided that it was a thing only fools and idiots would do.

I don't know your dad, but I've been in his shoes, and I think I have some insights into what's going on in his mind.

He loves you, and he wants you to be as well as possible. He believes the meds are your best shot at being well. Probably the mental health people have talked to him about the shots. I heard about them all ... the ... time. Every time my son quit his meds, someone would say, "There's always the shots." The first time I heard that my ears perked up. The shots! That's the answer! Then I learned that the medications available in shot form aren't the ones that work for him. Also, I could never bring myself to force that on him. If he doesn't want the pills, he doesn't want the shots. It just seemed too humiliating in some way.

He's scared for you IMO. He worries that there are really bad things ahead if you don't take the pills. And he may be right, idk.

Are you hoping they'll give you some Xanax and Ambien to abuse again?

Your life's not over if you get the injection. For real. I've been on schizophrenia forums for years now, and you don't know how many people I've heard say, "I got the shots for 3 or 4 months, then I never went back." People who don't want to take meds badly enough find a way to avoid them. If there's no court order, they can't chase you down and inject you against your will. We still have a few civil rights left. (They probably wouldn't even if there were a court order.)

My problem with getting the shots:

1. Limited choice of meds. With pills you have more options and can try different medications if the current one isn't good for you.

2. I'm really afraid that once they have that med in you, they won't be interested in getting you talk therapy. And that's what you really need, newtus. You need other people to connect with if you're going to heal. You're too isolated. Even a therapist and a case manager would be a good start.

If you're going to agree to the shots, you might as well take the pills IMO. There are other ways of forcing compliance than shots. Can you negotiate for some kind of monitoring? Having someone watch you take the pills and/or using a disc melt form?

Nonsense! Sleep is healing. It's hugely important.

Hmph!

Why would anyone send out a plane to turn your tv on?

no way.
Let me say why.

Both times it turned on near 4:30
i remember because i heard the 4:30 news come on
and it turned on and i looked at the time and it was 10 mintues before the 4:30 am news. I just went and turned it off. Thats all i could do and think about it.
Both times i heard planes. Yesterday i just thought i did but it prob was that i did.