Roll Call 14

costello
maybe the lady isnt comfortable talking to him?

I guess the question is why does she call if she's going to remain silent through most of the conversation. Most people might be able to handle being on the other end of such a call. They might be uncomfortable, but it would be tolerable. My son, though, gets paranoid.

thats something hes def going to have to ask her.
have him muster up the ability to ask her.
thats one of those questions/situations that the answer relies on the person who has the problem. isnt it?

i see the nurse today. im scared. i dont want the shot because its too much medication. ill see what i can do.

I wonder if a compromise can be made. Enough medication to get rid of the nasty symptoms such as agitation but not enough to get rid of the comforting symptoms. A decent psychiatrist should respect that.

you mean me?

ill see what i can do. im scared tho.

scared cuz i dont want to be turned down and said "no you have to be on this much" or whatever. im scared to be turned down.

i dont think they trust me. to be honest. so then i dont trust THEM. and its a circle of untrustworthiness.

im so scared. i have a feeling im gonna get the full shot today. but i have a plan. if she says "no" then im gonna walk out and not even get ANYTHING today.

cause they already got me on the injection AND the oral haldol. both haldols. thats too much

I heard about this theory too but I am not convinced it is solely due to the effect age has on sperm because I see Asperger/autism traits in some of my relatives. It appears to be genetic in my family. My late grandfather had it but was never diagnosed. My father has some traits and so does my first cousin. I am diagnosed.

My dad is 30 years old than me.

I don't know anything about schizophrenia.

Have a doctors appointment at 2pm today. Which sucks because I can't eat because of blood work and I have a pap smear today.

theres something very mysterious about cigarettes that i cant get away from. the little flakes ffall like snow and the quiet smoke is like the aurora borealis.

If you find comfort in your illness and it isn't causing you harm, then I don't see a problem with wanting to maintain some of the "symptoms". Maybe you can find a balance (with medication) to maintain some elements of your illness and eliminate the ones that cause you distress.

Most reasonable mental health professionals will understand this need. They know people find comfort in their symptoms. Maybe you can discuss this with your therapist and explore it.

Newtus, I hope they will lower your dose. It does seem like a lot. Plus, you seem to be taking your oral meds so maybe they will back off on the shots. I hope so. But, I understand not trusting them because they dont' trust you.

Erti, I also just had my blood drawn and had to fast. Yesterday. My physical is next week though.

I'm not feeling well today. I don't feel well so much now. It's getting annoying. But today I feel like I'm coming up on an episode. I'm really agitated and irritated and feeling explosive.

i find comfort in some of my voices because i get lonely

and i find comfort in ther energizingness of my illness. almost like slight mania. hypomania whatever but im not bipolar.

i find comfort in being motivated but im not on these meds

lets hope we can compromise today. i hope they will but i have this trickling feeling they wont

whats going on faerie?

I remember when the "musical noise" finally stopped in my head because of medication the silence was really quite disturbing at the beginning because the "noise" had been there most of my life. Now if I get any head noise, THAT'S disturbing, because I've been away from it for so long. But I must admit my "musical noise" is creeping back but thankfully it's at a low volume. Stress is always the big trigger.

So my comfort in symptoms changed when there was a new "normal" (i.e. administration of medication).

i will admit i find comfort in my schizophrenia a bit. but a lot of it is scary.

they are not just taking away my sz when they medicate me (AND NOT ALL OF IT AT THAT) but taking away my life and ability to live and my personality.

Hi newtus,

why are you on a typical antipsychotic such as haldol. Is it a money thing , or your choice , or as a result of having a physical condition such as diabetes or court ordered. I think you would be way better taking an atypical , tell them you.ll submit to plasma tests , or could you not take inverga sustanea or something.

Haldol for such a young person seems drastic.

Thanks for asking. I'm doing better than yesterday I think. I actually slept last night even though I was feeling really agitated/restless. Zyprexa was making me gain weight too, it would have been worth it if it actually worked but it just didn't.

I just feel really angry and violent today. I"m not violent by nature. I get this way though. I just want to smash things and break things and scream. I just feel like my brain is rattling around in my skull and it's really anoying. I'm really angry at my job. I hate these stupid tasks. I call people out of curtesy to schedule them. But teh doctors take it as it's my responsability to call them and them not make a phoen call to me. I have 89 providers to call patients for. There's only one om me. We already have our own patient load of probably around 3,000 patients a year.

But the company I work for is huge. We have 17 clinics. So I only call patients 1-2 times, and if they dont' call back I let the doctor know. Then I get it back "spoke to the pt and she's ready to schedule now. Give her another call" or "just keep trying." I have hundreds of patients to call. This really pisses me off. I haven't seen a psychiatrist in almost 5 years. Does anyone ever call me on non-compliance? Does anyone call me to check and see if I want to be seen? Does anyone ever call to find out if I'm okay? No. Oh, but if I had diabetes then don't worry, some mentally unstable girl will be there to hold your hand and take all your responsability away to make sure you get your appointment.

And this morning I almost chased a guy down the highway because he wouldn't let me over.

I'm just a powder keg really.

I get really angry at everything like this sometimes too. You're not alone faerie.

Thanks, AD. I just don't feel well at all.

I'm glad you slept and are feeling a bit better.

I'm also on Zyprexa. I've gained major weight on it too... Like 40 pounds within the last year. However, I've lost about 20 of the 40 pounds since I moved in back with my mom and prescribe medication for my fatty liver and pre diabetes. Zyprexa does help me quite a bit.

I'm glad it's helping you, but that sucks about the weight gain. I'm in the process of changing medications again because it wasn't working for me. I'm going to one of the older ones because I'm out of atypical APs to try, besides clozaril and I only want to go there if it's an absolute last resort.

im on haldol because atypicals dont work on me or have really bad side effects.

the only side effect has is sleepiness and slight weight gain very slight on me.

i can deal with some sleepyness but i dont really want to sleep.

the typicals work better for me and less side effects than the atypicals. weird maybe.

I've tried a typical anti psychotic and when I took it I had muscle spasms in my face and I had to take medication for it to stop. The doctor told me that I couldn't try any other typical anti-psychotics because they will do the same thing.

Erti, I have a fatty liver too. May I ask what med you take for this?

I take Metformin for my pre-diabetes.