Roll Call 17

Hi
I'll be posting under Materly from now on
Thx

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Atypical

I've finally started reading (well skimming is probably more accurate! ) Elyn Sak's memoir and it's just amazing how similar her story is to mine. Obviously I've never been as ill as she was, but I really relate to the way she fakes normality and struggles through Uni. I hope that I can overcome this like she did, but I also worry that I'm not as special/strong/intelligent as she is...

I'm also worried because I got an appt through to see a new pdoc at the end of March. I had asked the OT what had happened with an appt, and she said that they (pdocs) had closed my file and only the OT dept had access to it. And she said that as I wasn't on meds, I didn't need an appt, which I agreed with. I don't want to see a pdoc as I don't want meds and I know they don't believe me and are in cahoots (what a great word! Lol) with the Govt. I was just annoyed they hadn't had the decency to tell me they'd decided not to see me after telling me when I left hospital that I would see them. And now I have an appt!

What am I going to do?? I can't be honest because they told me they didn't believe me and so I'm not supposed to talk about it. But I can't say everything's fine because that's just playing into their hands to get me off benefits. They're watching me all the time, looking for evidence that I'm faking, and it's exhausting. And I'm trying to pretend that everything's fine with my parents and keeping everything to myself, I guess I don't fully trust them after being Sectioned, and I don't want to burden them more with Mum so ill, but then I'm worried that's evidence for the Govt that I'm fine and can work. And I don't want to go to jail for fraud, but if I stop claiming benefits then I'll be penniless and homeless as soon as my parents get tired of me.

I haven't been getting up early the last 4 days, but I need to "pull my finger out" again (did I tell you guys that my Mum said that to me?!) It's not making the changes that are so bad, but making them stick. I can pretend everything is fine, but I don't have the strength/energy/whatever to keep it going for the rest of my life.

I'm sorry for moaning again, but I had to get this out before I started screaming and couldn't stop

*Willow*

Thanks! You may have to do frequent remiders? At least for a bit or else I may get repetitive in questions or topics with you! Lol
Hi Materly! Nice name!

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Oh your not moaning willow. Your expressing your feelings beautifully. Tell the doc how you are feeling. Be honest. From what you have been posting here lately, I see no reason for them to put you in hospital. But they may be able to help you sort out all these feelings you have been having. And you know what? Just because one hoohaw thought you were faking does not mean everyone does. Keep that in mind. You dont have to pretend everything is fine and you can keep your finger up there for as long as you want! Ha!
(((hugs)))

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is it weird to have so much energy off meds?
i was always told that was unnatural and my current pdoc made me sound to be manic.

Thanks Punky! No I definitely don't think I'm anywhere close to hospital material right now (though I didn't think that at the time either), but I really don't think that's a concern.

Um...I've also got this little lump just under my collar bone...do you think my GP would cut it out? I'm kinda worried it's a tracker so they know where I am at all times to take photos of me as evidence. The only time I was unaware was when they knocked me out for ECT, and the first time I felt like I was asleep for ages, though they said it was only 5 mins, so they could've put it in then without me knowing. How long do tiny trackers emit signals for?? Surely the battery must die eventually......unless it's motion activated?! My Grampy has a motion activated watch, so maybe it's like that...I don't even know if I can still trust my GP. I'm worried that the hospital diagnosed me with a personality disorder in secret to discredit me...if so, he'll never believe me over other Drs and he may think I'm faking this tracker thing for attention. I can pick the lump up under the skin so it's not attached to the underlying tissue and I'm definitely not imagining it! But I'm too scared to cut it out myself, and my parents might think I need the hospital again as they'll think it's SH... :/

*Willow*

If you have energy, maybe the AD is finally kicking in and ur feeling better?
How many energy drinks did you have today?

Show your dad the lump. See what he says. Just be casual about it.

i meant off meds.

i had 1 5hr energy shot.

i dont have enrgy now. i meant off meds.

theres a redheaded receptionist at my clinic that makes everything thing a living hell

Willow I don't think that kind if technology exists the battery would die too quickly and the mechanism for those wind free watches is large and doesnt generate enough power. Think of your cell phone battery for scale....that's the amount of power needed to transmit a signal. I once thought maybe the military had that kind of tech but really I think apple is smarter and I never saw anything that small.

How us your mindfulness meditation working out? Apparently it can grow new brain connections... Pretty cool.

Just remember... she has no soul.

o. sorry. thought you were talking about how u felt now. oops.

Must be a dye job...

OMGosh! I was thinking about that convo that we had a couple of days ago too!

Or a GINGER.....

[QUOTE=newtus;3590958]theres a redheaded receptionist at my clinic that makes everything thing a living hell[/QUOTE


But seriously.
Can you avoid her next time if she is so mean?

Lol gotta love south park

lolololo
I have never seen that. Tooo funny!
Im gonna have that stuck in my head for a while now!

[QUOTE=punkybrewster6k;3590988]

i can try. theres only two receptionists there at a time.

wWHY ARE RECEPTIONISTS SO MEAN?!

deleted...

[QUOTE=newtus;3591026]A low paying job, under appreciated and no manners would be my guess.
With maybe a little arrogance thrown in for good measure.

undelete....whats up Atypical?

isnt Faerie a receptionist? maybe she can give us some insight too?

whats wrong atypical?