Roll Call 20

LOL one of my "ghetto" friends just had a baby... I find it funny she never edit her profile...

W@tz g0od Mii Nam3 iZ TiFf@ny A.k.A'z Tw33tY!!!!! Im 4rM D@t 614!!! I @m 21yrs 0ld!! I @m kidd fr33!!! Im 4rm th@ w3st siid3 b0rn & r@is3d lol!!!!! All i liK3 2 do is b3 low k3y dnt fuxz wiit 2many p3opl3 gott@ sticK 2 mys3lf!!! G0 out!! Chiill wit th@ b@ddi3z!!!! Cuz u kn0 th@ts @ll i fuxz wit is B@ddi3z!!!! And liv3 lif3 2 th@ full3st @nd try 2 c th@ n3xt d@y.........

Translation:
What's good. My name is Tiffany aka Tweety. I'm from the 614 (basically means she's from the Columbus area... our area code)! I am 21 years old! I am kid free. I'm from the west side born and raised lol. All I like to do is be low key don't fuss with to many people gotta stick to myself. Go out chill with the baddies. 'Cuse you know that all I with is baddies. And live life to the fullest and try to see the next day.

wow thanks for the info on that Sorry I didn't reply sooner I had a phone call
and picked up my medicine.I have to go get dinner ready and take my medicine!
I will be back later (possibly tomorrow) Let's hope it helps the voices and hallucinations
stop! byeee everyone!

do you say "ghetto" cuz shes not really ghetto?

No, she's ghetto. I was friends with her back in elementary school. When I first looked at that message... my mind when "damn... she's ghetto". Though, she does seem to have her life together and isn't out there ruining her life with partying all the time.

i used to be into the undergound punk culture. i had a mohawk a couple of times. listened to crust punk. i wish i could have dreads. my hair is right for it but its not nappy (coarse and thick) its fine and thin but idk how to keep them up.

risperdal injection has kept me out of the hospital for over a year now. this is really awesome bc i was going into thehospital every 3 months for like 4 years straight. it saved my life

I took the medicine it helped cut my problems down a lot! it's amazing...I also feel
strangely energetic right now! I woke up unexpectedly and can't fall back asleep
though? Things are oddly quiet I think I am trying to adjust to not hearing stuff
all the time. I got so bothered by how quiet it had become that I turned on some music
Now maybe I will be able to get back to sleep.

Risperdal has helped me too and has kept me out of the hospitals as long as I take my meds.

I finally finished all of my math hw and I applied to more scholarships. There is one more I need to apply to today then I can take a break for the day. I worked a 14 hour shift yesterday and only got 5 hours of sleep so I'm really tired at work. I get out in a couple of hours and have tonight off so I finally can relax. I really hope this doesn't make me manic. I've been focusing on college work and scholarships so I think that's what has been helping me be okay for so long.

I feel better today. My husband really helped me calm down once I got home. His straightforward attitude is helpful that way. My mind is still going over it but at least the rage is gone...

Well, so, I hope everyone is okay today.

Dreads? That sounds pretty cool. Maybe you can find tips online how to upkeep them with finer and thinner hair?

It sure is quiet in here. I hope everyone's okay.

Just waiting for a call from my case worker about my Medicaid. God talking on the phone with people make me nervous.

Would this be considered stuck in a thought loop?
My neighbor really upset me last night. I was building two bookcases to put along the wall we share. She is very noisy and I just cannot deal with it anymore. I googled how to soundproof a room for a cheap price. Lining the shared wall with bookcases was an idea. So I'm installing these two bookcases next to the other two I have on this bedroom wall. I get the first one in no problem. The second one I am anchoring to the wall. This required me to hammer on the wall for a few seconds just as I did with the first. This annoying neighbor starts beating the heck out of the wall on her side. Now it's only 8:20pm. I'm seconds away from being finished and she does this. I screamed back at the top of my lungs you can shut the hell up! I was so angry that she did this. Within seconds I hear her come out of her apartment and I'm standing in the middle of my bedroom floor. My curtain is pulled back. I see her stretch up onto her tip toes to look up into my window. I looked at her very mean. She turned her head quickly and went back into her apartment. I have never said one single word to her about all the noise she makes and the fact that she brings her dog outside off a leash and doesn't pick up after the dog. And the one night I make a little noise she wants to try and beat the wall down. Her actions sent me into a rage! It took me forever to get to sleep last night and then I had a really bad dream that woke me with severe anxiety and racing heartbeat. I just keep playing it out over and over in my mind and I feel such rage towards her. It was her fault in the first place that I even had to install more book shelves in my bedroom. Here I was trying to solve a problem and she just got me all fired up! I can't get it out of my mind. What do y'all think? I know I'm not normal for this but am I stuck in a thought loop??? Any information would be greatly appreciated.

This reminds me of something that happened to me when I was living in the dorm...someone knocked on the wall and I think I turned my tv down then they knocked on the wall again then I knocked back then they stopped turned out it was my friend trying to say hello but I though I was too loud. Is it possible she was just knocking back?

Oh no! She beat the crap out of her side of the wall very hard and very loud. It was obvious she was pissed. We aren't friends. She's just the annoying neighbor.

That's sucks she's clearly wrong but you won't get anywhere being mad this is similar to what I've been experiencing lately the psych term is rumination and I got nowhere with anger management my next two possible solutions are meditation and cognitive restructuring but I haven't figured out how to stop it yet...I'll let you know if I find something that actually works...

Yes. Absolutely. Now it's like all consuming and you just can't get it away? Yup. It will either go on it's own or it will keep going. The longer it goes the worse it gets in my own experience. Even if you try to distract yourself it hangs on.

I can say that for me, this would send me into a thought loop. I'm sorry she was being such a jerk. It is that way. My aunt next door has had a horrible messy yard (like with actual junk not just the weeds,) for years and years and years. Then my uncle died and she lost her job, so with her extra time she started fixed up her side. Then suddenly she is all over us to get our side fixed up. We just mostly have mowed weeds and it's ugly, not trash or junk.... once she even threatened to go to my dad like a child.... so... the worst offenders are the biggest hypocrits in my experience.

My advice is that if you don't wish to speak to her, to do like calming thoughts. "I've resolved the problem with my shelves." or something similar every time you think it. I have terrible time stopping loops so I don't have great advice. I try to do distraction or try to talk myself out of it if I can.

I am trying to figure out what my problem is. Why do I and did I feel so much rage against her and why can't I stop thinking or talking about it? I know this isn't normal behavior. I do this over and over with stuff that ticks me off. I wish I could just let it roll off my back but my brain won't let me.

Thank y'all for your advice. This is one thing I totally hate about me. My youngest daughter told me today that I just need to stop thinking about it and just be happy. I so wish it were that easy! It's like a part of my brain ran off it's track and I'm stuck there with this incident playing over and over and over and ticking me off more and more! I've got serious anxiety going on today because if it.

For some reason the APs suppress this kind of thought...in cbt they actually think it triggers hallucinations so it's something we worked on but it was so much milder and easier to deal with on the meds...anyway one of our techniques was setting aside a specific time for worrying like at 5pm on Friday I will deal with the problems of the week for an hour. Trust me you won't forget but it becomes less of a time sink if you restrict it to a specific time and it helps to include other peoples opinions when you do figure it out...

I like that idea! I need to get myself a pdoc and stop putting it off. I know I need some serious therapy.

Yes, this is exactly how I feel when it happens to me. I know I need to stop. I try with all my strength to make it stop... but I can't shake it.... I hate it... It's like my brain is trying to put together a puzzle but doesn't have all the pieces, but if I don't solve the puzzle I can't move forward.

Sometimes: That is good advice about the time for worry. I've actually heard it before. If I could actually get my brain to agree with it, I would completely do that. The thing is.... it's far more powerful than just a worry. Or just something you keep thinking about. It's a driving force. And for me it causes compulsions like "I have to search this on the internet 1000 times." It doesn't relieve the anxiety or relieve the worry like part of my brain is hoping, and it often triggers it to get worse. So fighting the thoughts and the compulsions at once. I've had people say I might have OCD, but I have no actual rituals, just thought loops that come and then go. So, who knows. It's interesting that meds make it easier to deal with. That surprises me.

Exactly!!!! I agree with this one hundred percent! I haven't had a doctor diagnose me with OCD but I totally know that I am.

Yeah these days I can't put it off either but with meds I just set my worry time to my therapy hour and let my t help me figure it out because she was spot on about dealing with people and it's always something social for me.