Roll Call 20

Exactly. There wasnt much to say. I was shy but I didnt want to talk about personal stuff. She asked questions and I answered. If they were complicated or too personal I asked her if we can talk about them another time.
Usually I talk too much to people but for some reason not lately. oh well. Maybe I will feel better next week when I see her. The anxiety was crazy!

didnt sleep much and voices are here. get my shot today. one time T meant to text me "youll get your shot tomorrow" but he wrote "youll get your **** tomorrow" i thought that was funny. he said it was auto correct. well im just waiting to get my shot so the voices will go away. i meet T this afternoon. maybe we will play cards

Its a non-sleeping pill night, so i will be probably be up awhile.

Beans hospitalization was a disaster. She was there 10 days and they changed her meds. She told them she was seeing and hearing things and they told her "no your not".

They did not put her on clozaril. Instead, they gave her to a new T who said she was faking and blamed me and my husband for her vivid imagination. We told them she was not ready to come home and they said she was. SHE said something is wrong in her head and she could not come home. The T said 'you are ready to go home'. The Pdoc there Dx her ADHD and anxiety and sent her home on zyprexa and tenex.

Can you believe this?????
We get in the car, I try to call her pdoc that she sees at home but cant get hold of him to tell him what just happened. The whole way home she is crying and saying she cant live like this any more. She doesnt want to live. She is yelling that she needs to go back. That she cant go home yet.

We get home and she is still doing it and is suicidal. Poor Bean has never been suicidal. I brought her to the ER and they admitted her when they heard what happened. She is now at the State Hospital in Binghamton. Childrens section. She has this nice Indian Pdoc in there and when I told her what her 'new' Dx was, and how they tried to blame us for her illness, he slammed his fist on the table. lol

Anyway.....she will be there at least 3 weeks and they want to begin the clozaril. Sadly, I have to agree. I am so tired of my baby suffering. This is the short story because I hate typing for a long time. I miss my Bean and have been crying for DAYS.

I have to tell you. When your child is sick like this and some ignorant doctor comes along and tries to point a finger at the parents, it is the most devastating thing to ever happen you. Thankfully, we got her to a place that understands. This new pdoc says this is normal and happens time to time and to have a tough skin.
I dont have tough skin...but im learning to.

I have also learned to make sure that any doctor who is caring for my child has to be experienced and trained about schizophrenia and psychosis. That is an absolute. Because if they are not experienced with it, this is what happens.

So NOW, she is on her way to feeling better.Funny. The hospital that has been so good for her the 3 other times she was there changed all their staff this last time and turned into the hospital from h.e.l.l.....It is very sad. And the hospital that I did not want her to even go near- the state hospital- ends up being not so scary. They are actually nice. I am totally humbled. And thankful.

But now she is almost 2 hours in the opposite direction.(sigh)
No gas. I hate my life right now.

well now i have to meet with pdoc and T at 3. hes prob gonna change my meds. crap!

I thought of you willow when it happened.
It was horrible.

T ate lunch with me. listening to music with no words calms the voices down. my friend farted on me at lunch in front of T i was like gross. ur gross. it smelled bad. T was like O_O
i felt bad for him

T ate lunch with me. listening to music with no words calms the voices down. my friend farted on me at lunch in front of T i was like gross. ur gross. it smelled bad. T was like O_O
i felt bad for him