Roll Call 21

I told my Psychiatrist I smoke weed and they said it might have been making my
Problems worse because I have had problems since childhood. So Weed just was not the best
Choice for me..So I am just gonna stop smoking it all together I love the way it makes me feel
But I need to take better care of myself I want to get better not worse.
I'm still kinda scared from my psychotic break like thing that happend to me earlier
It's made me not want to lay down until I absolutely have too
I don't want it to happen again....
I thought the medication was supposed to HELP me not have
break downs and stuff like this?.... If it's not working properly I
will need to be put on a different kind.

Wow I hope you're right,I have never had that happen before so that is why it scared me.
The meds have been cutting down on hallucinations though I am glad to say but they aren't working as well for the auditory hallucinations. that's my only major issue with my meds the voices always have a way of running me down into the ground just last night while I was sleeping I kept hearing a room full of people and this one was laughing telling me I am a fat pig and I am a Bit** and nothing I do will shut him up. He keeps mocking me when I Feel good about myself he comes and takes my motivation away. I plan on discussing this with my psychiatrist later,I may need the meds upped or be put on one that helps both problems. But other than that I have been ok! I just looked up what you were talking about It makes me feel better if it wasn't a psychotic break..I have had those before I don't ever want to go through one again..That's why I can never be too sure..It's so scary. I never remember my ''breaks'' But when people tell me what I did and say it scares me to know I did all of that without knowing it.

I would not be able to read such things about myself. Horrible.

They think I might have schizophrenia, that's a pretty big deal, because I wasn't expecting that and now I'm confused.

Hi everyone sorry I haven't been on in a while been busy with every day life.. I already made a post about this but I experienced this weird thing has anyone ever had something similar? What really happened to me?..It's bothering the heck out of me. see I was laying on my bed I had not taken my medication yet I wasn't asleep yet either I was just staring at my ceiling then I started feeling something build up inside of me I started to writhe back and forth and felt compelled to scream out a little bit but all that came out was a muffled gargle sound I then felt like I lost touch with my mind it was dark and then I came too and I couldn't move any part of my body And my eyes felt locked in place. Then I saw the invisible outline of fingers and felt this fuzzy feeling across my face I also saw the outline of the whole being I was seeing the eyes were light blue transparent they looked very monkey like then it faded away it only showed me its self for a moment then my arms felt HOT inside and out and my feet too like Fire was running through my veins then I was able to actually move and I sat up but felt very dizzy,and sick to my stomach. I thought at first the semi invisible being actually helped me to regain my consciousness and move my body again but I am not sure if that is a delusion and all of this was some weird break from reality or what. I will have to tell my Psychiatrist about this though... But this really bothered me I felt better after taking my meds. I even went as far as to look up different stories about invisible people online but Couldn't find much of what I experienced listed. I know it sounds weird! I don't know what to make of it myself. Anyone else ever have something happen to them like this before?

i got a call from the grocery store. i am hired. im going tomorrow to fill out the paperwork. yay. i meet with pdoc and T tomorrow. hopefully they will get me off the risperdal pills. T is happy about my job. we are starting a new collage project for therapy dealing with my inner parts (the parent, child, and healthy adult parts). i feel positive

My meds are giving me orthostatic hypotension and it's a pain in the @ss.

my therapist said im on too low of a dose of haldol

i acted all weird in therapy today i started licking my hand and playing like a cat. out of nervousness.

thats the first time she had me in there for an hour.

do u take it for sleep? i take 50mg of trazedone at night. i also take melatonin, l-tryptophan, risperdal and seroquel

I don't think it's her choice to make....she seems pretty judgemental to me my T certainly never assessed me to my face...she would help me do what I wanted to accomplish no matter how weird it might seem...I know there aren't a lot of choices where you live but the fact that she's associated with the same people who were for the most part forcibly drugging you makes me question her anyway....

i been thinking about that. she said she wanted me to sign medical release forms over to them so she could talk to my new psychiatrist and i said "NO!". i didnt realize she was being judgemental. i just thought it was a trap.

but see theres like no other good therapists around here. and shes half good. all the other therapists i saw were 0 percent good and i think i saw 2 or 3 in the same town i goto see her. which has a medium population. under 250k or so.

idk what to do. ive been thinking about changing but its put me in a bind too. i question her too though.

and THEN she was like "tell your psychiatrist about your throwing up and eating habits" and i said "NO! im not getting a diagnosis of an eating disorder. im sick of diagnoses. im not gettnig another one". and she got quiet. cause ive been throwing up a lot. mostly from nerves and various things but i been encouraging myself to throw up instead of holding it in like i would normally do. to lose weight. but a doctor could easily take that wrong i think. and automatically think ED. or something. and im just not having that. but somehow my therapist gets things out of me. like the whole story like KUREHA said.

I'm glad you didn't sign the forms it's not her job to monitor you so much as to help you accomplish things that you would like to. Maybe it would work better if you had some sort a agenda yourself? With me and my T we would first thing in the session discuss a series of topics we would like to get to today...you know whatever was bothering you...so you might say my dad is working a lot so I'm lonely what do you suggest? I don't get the sense that you guys have any goals at all. I know people have different therapeutic specialties but she's acting more like a spy than a T which totally undermines the therapeutic relationship. I understand you might not be able to change therapists but perhaps you can work on improving the interaction by setting up some ground rules for her role in your life...ie she is not involved in med management or global assessment of anything....

this makes me so nervous that shes like a spy. i mean i figured that out but just wasnt sure her intentions...a bit.

see when i was WAS seeing her WITH that other pdoc she was doing med management a bit like she is now. and like i said she was like saying "your doing generally ok this time".

yea we dont have any goals. i just talk. and she always says how i dont talk much.

My T and pdoc even though they worked together didn't talk about me to each other at all....that was reserved for emergencies...the T's really have no medical training at all but they do see you more frequently but in some sense they should be your ally not an informer...


Maybe if you set up some goals things would work better....do you know what kind of therapy she practices?

my pdoc T and nurse all talk to each other. i even see my pdoc with T in the room with me. i dont think its a bad thing. they are all very supportive of me. i think its important to communicate between them. thats just me though

my pdoc T and nurse all talk to each other. i even see my pdoc with T in the room with me. i dont think its a bad thing. they are all very supportive of me. i think its important to communicate between them. thats just me though