Roll Call 52

getting ready to go to the Biltmore gardens! will take pics

uggggg mama and i are both sick

how r yall doin?

still went to bed late and woke up early.
urgh. didnt sleep well. ended up taking a xanax cuz my anxiety is high every morning nowadays. im really fed up. i hope i can get my meds back to normal when i go back to see the NP. that dumb second NP in training was very very very stupid in speaking up on a study she saw and lowering my sleeping meds. that was very stupid. she put me in a category. she categorized me. she doesnt know me. i hate her.

Well I never made it to the british heart foundation. I just didn't have the motivation to do volunteer work today. Oh well. I lack motivation. It's not the end of the world.

Now that I look back to last year, I was pretty damn manic. Like insanely manic without insight. Or it was during stimulant and alcohol abuse idk.

I feel wide awake now that I also had a nap in the day yesterday.

Hope everyone is doing good.

I've never posted in this forum yet, but I do want to check in.

My anxiety and delusions have decreased since my pdoc changed the dosage and frequency of my Seroquel. I now take 200mgs, 3X/day.

I just wanted to post that, and say hi to everyone.

What I did was have a word document on my phone that I named Book Ideas. I actually was planning to do a fantasy/science fiction novel. I have quite a few notes on that, however I decided on another. I have plenty of notes though. I've been thinking about the book ideas for about 8 months now. I don't think many people can just start with a blank slate and write a decent book. It took time for me to settle on this idea for a book.

Do you have a note pad on your phone that you could use each time you are inspired? Once you have an idea for a book, then ideas just burst out each and every day. which is where you want to store your ideas on a phone/notepad. The next hardest part is how to start it. Once you are able to have an outline, for me, everything falls in place. If im stuck in one section, I can go to the next. The point is to keep moving through it. The best part is tinkering with it. Moving, molding, and giving finesse is really fun. You'll catch yourself using words you never used. It's really interesting. Plus, you can use alliterations and end rhyme to engage the reader.

Welcome to the forum!

Thanks for the welcome.

We weren't allowed our chargers either, the problem was one of the nurses robbed it in my case haha! Cans where eventually banned because someone self harmed with one but we where allowed pens and pencils no sharpeners though. In anyway we didn't have a hot tub, a basketball court or a hairdressers like Tweaky's palace. It was just two floors and you usually stayed on the top floor for the majority of your stay. Very dark small corridors and wards with up to 6 beds. Not a very nice place at all.

one hospital i went to had a basketball court outside but we were only allowed outside once or twice a week and it was heavily supervised. like a prison. it also had a small gym-like place where we could exercise that doubled as an art room. the whole room was really an activity room and then there was a basketball court outside. of course there was no net. it was just the round metal hoop and a slab of concrete. nothing nice.

and this place was for people that had MONEY! other places for people on goverment money was forreal like prison. they were like the epitome of psych wards. if you wanted to stay in like something from the movies goto the other ones where people were on goverment funds. sadly. unfortunately...

Reminds me of this....the right to fresh air...

Massachusetts Psychiatric Patients Get Right to Fresh Air | World of Psychology

yeh cheers i know how to do the work, my phd thesis was 90,000 words and my MA was 20,000. I have several more academic books in various stages including a double monograph on Aquinas. My problem with writing fiction is that im terrible at dialogue and dont really enjoy descriptions. Without those a work is just a skeleton and no matter how great the idea or composition it just wont walk.

We were allowed markers, crayons, and colored pencils without erasers. They kept them locked up when arts and craft time was over. I used to have to sneak out the colored pencils so I could do word searches. We had a gym at one of the hospitals but all we could do was walk around. There wasn't anything to really do. There was a cafeteria at the first hospital I went to but we were only allowed to go there once we met with the doctor so I was stuck on the floor for 3 of the 6 days I was there. We weren't even allowed to shower and shave alone.
The 2nd hospital was just a locked unit. No gym, no cafeteria, no access to the outdoors...nothing. They even locked up the fridge when it wasn't meal time. Strangely enough I preferred this hospital because the workers were nicer.

It's beautiful out today. The kids and dogs are really enjoying the weather. It's so nice to not be buried under 3 or 4 feet of snow. My big dog got loose today and I about had a nervous breakdown...I lost my dog to the road a couple years ago and that set me off and landed me in the hospital. THankfully my big guy came right to me when I called him. Unfortunately it still set off those feelings. Lots of ativan on board now.

This reminded me of my very first morning in the hospital. I was 16 at the time. A 13 year old girl came into my room and introduced herself. She told me why she was there and proudly showed me her self-harm scars. I was shocked since I never seen or heard of that before. She explained how she did it and then pulled out a piece metal that once a part of a pop can.

This happened in a pediatric hospital. A lot of the patients were into self-harm and teaching others how to do it. I never experienced that in any of the adult psychiatric units I was on.

Lmfao. That made me feel better considering that I'm in one of the best in the world. Canada is cool with it financially.

I'm outside smoking a cigar. Black and natural. I don't like it and have 4 left. I'll just sell them I think. If I put any unfinished cigars or cigarettes into the ash tray, people will smoke them. I'm not diseased and it's pretty sad how people get so addicted and having to deal with mental illness.

Tbh I smoked a few that people gave me when I didn't have smokes and they didn't want anymore but I didn't go looking in the ash tray not knowing who the owner was.

That's terrible. I always and always will cover my self harm scars, out of embarrassment and so I don't trigger anyone. I've seen more self harm from other patients in adult units than in adolescent ones. They usually don't last long though, once something like that happens they're usually gone the next day.

This. This is what scares me about my final year dissertation. Damn you Neil, reminding me of all the work I'll have to put into it. Damn you word counts, damn you!!!

Whoa taking 3 mgs of Ativan has definitely calmed me down...almost too much

There's also a whole building with a cafeteria leading from hallways to all units even though all units have a cafeteria of their own. 12 units in the hospital with about 30 people each. Most people in my unit are schizophrenic. The units are for specific illnesses like one for addicts, long term patients, brain injury, etc.

when i was an adolescent the teens were always showing off their self harm scars. its just like they do on instagram. its never changed...

Why dread it, Odysseus has just explained how to do it. Crack on everyday and soon you'll have trouble fitting everything into your word count rather than trying to stretch to reach it!

How long is your dissertation supposed to be?

reminds me a lot of that.

we were only allowed outside once or twice a week in the nice hospital and that was on weekends and that was a MAYBE if the rec staff was even working that day. all the other hospitals there was NO outside time. NONE. at all.