Roll call 55

how are you sometimespsychotic?

I am good...been hanging out on reddit maybe too much....how have you been?

my mom and i got into an argument about her not answering her phone or her texts. she says i call her too much. it hurt me.

I'm sorry, that sucks....maybe if you had more people to text things would be better. How are things going with the people in your support group? Have you made any friends?

i wish i had more people to text and hang out with with yea but im not fretting it as much anymore. im trying my hardest to keep my ownself busy. but i realized its even harder to do that when i have no one to goto concerts with or events just for even like safety like to have someone as a side person for safety. i asked my mom to goto comic con with me and she said "i dont know about that". i really thought i could keep busy by going places by myself but i realized im not that safe going all these places alone.

id like to think im so independent and stuff but im not as independent as i thought i am. and reading the news about women and othe people getting shot and raped and stabbed more and more nowadays by police and all kinds of people makes things seem even more bleak than before.

support group really isnt going that well. i find it boring. the only "friend" i made was that girl i keep talking to you all about who has spina bifida. and i would hang our with her but she makes really unreasonable demands on me. like to hang out with her for 5-6 hours at a time. and then drive home at night. spend like and hour and a half driving to and from her home. yet she complains no one will hang out with her and she has no friends. she does tho she claims yet none to hang out with she says.

i hung out with her once and i am not trying to be mean but i didnt enjoy having to fit a wheelchair in my mustang trunk which is very tiny to begin with. and then she expected me to push her through the WHOLE first story of a mall and the WHOLE second story.

hey guys work was cool. i had to sit in this hour long meeting about customer service. oh well it killed time. nothing bad happened at work so im glad. im off tomorrow. well i guess the only bad thing that happened is the schedule wasnt out and its memorial day weekend. i would like to know when i work. i hope she didnt schedule me before 3 on saturday. but if she did i will have it corrected. bc i cant do that bc i have group then T. ummm i almost typed Ts name out. anyway im hungry so im cooking brown rice and salmon.

Thanks for the reassurance. I'm just writing weird stuff because I used to do that the time. I'm getting better now that I'm taking the oral abilify which I forgot about for the fishing trip.

Yeah, it looked as bad as the Val Kilmer Batman!

Marshmallow Cake

guys...the police just knocked on my door. its 12 30 am. they knocked real loud and i got super ****ing scared and didnt answer and just froze then they yelled police department and knocked again so i answered. they ask if some guy was here. i said its just me here. he asked if i knew this guy who used to live here. i said no. he asked if i knew that guy i said im not from around here. guys i am so scared i dont know what to do i took prn. i feel so scared. why r they knocking in the middle of the night....... omg.... im freaking out

Okay, relax. How you're responding is typical. The police won't do you harm, you're too cute. Their looking for someone much uglier who use to live their long ago. Their squirrels who seem to can't find their nuts.

This is what I do. Every morning I take my meds and fill up my pill bottle and always keep it in my pocket wherever I go so I wont forget to take it or lose it. Will that help?

Had my second exam this morning. Think it went okay I remembered everything id prepared. Dunno how I feel today still emotionless I should be glad that my exam is over but meh. Not got an exam for another two weeks now. Endless days with no distraction from my thoughts

wow im up early.
its pouring rain here.
thunderstorming.
loud.

Did you see their badges? Please be careful.

Anxiety. And it's really noisy here, jackhammers outside.

Has anyone else read Elyn saks's book The Centre Cannot Hold? It's very good. I've read it before but I'm guna try and read it again.

heyyyyy yall im having minor symptoms its smelling like fresh out of the drier clothes or laundry soap i dont know what it is lol

Yes it's excellent

Must be something in the air, I was up at 4:00 lol.

Yes, it's my second favorite book about schizophrenia, I've read it like five times! Haha!

My favorite book about this subject though is The Quiet Room by Lori Schiller % Amanda Bennet. Lori actually has schizoaffective disorder bipolar type instead of "just" schizophrenia but this book blows all the misconceptions about schizoaffective disorder being more "mild" than straight up schizophrenia out of the water. I don't want to spoil anything for people who haven't read it but it is a very intense book and it's... so much like me and what I've gone through that it's downright eerie.

I related a lot to Elyn Saks also, her thought disorganization is much like mine is when I'm not stable.

Welcome Silence by Carol North is another excellent book about schizophrenia, she had a lot of catatonic symptoms so I related to that quite a lot.

I hate construction work of any kind, I have enough noise in my mind without that crap. Sorry you're feeling so anxious, I've been reading your posts even though I don't always know what to say and just... gah, I am so sorry the benzo withdrawal has been and still is so brutal. I want to get off of the Klonopin I'm taking but my doctor and I both agree that we need to do it very slowly as to cause the least amount of harm to me as possible. I'm really sorry this happened to you.

going to my NP appt today. wish me luck.

Good luck!

Good luck. I hope it goes well.