Roll call 55

I haven't really introduced myself to you so hello! I'm Atypical_Disaster and I have Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type and ADHD... so I'm a hot mess lol. Outside of mental illness I'm a musician and a writer.

My day is getting better, I woke up at 4:00 this morning but I don't mind. My mood is still whacky, I'm waiting for my new meds to start working.

How the hell can I manage a good education? I'm giving up. My speach and thoughts are worse. I can't even read anymore, pay attention, procrastination. That was with ADHD but psychosis I know wrecks the brain each time..

This really sucks.

Hi Atypical! It is really lovely that you did that. I like reading your posts, they are very insightful. Truthfully, this is my one of my favorite places. I'm sorry to hear about your fibromyalgia. My aunt has that as well and has landed her in the hospital on occasion.

I always second guess things that I write because often things sound different in my head. I love reading, and I used to do creative writing. Not so much in school, but in my jobs over the years. Usually at inappropriate times. Such as responding to customer complaints, or typing up memo's to staff.

I hope you're day keeps getting better!

Don't give up Tweaky. I don't know how best to advise, find a way to manage that's best for you, but don't give up.

It's okay, I'm really depressed about my weight though.

I know that feeling, intimately. Little changes, one step at a time.

i was scared of that....i finally fell asleep last night. my mom called the police this morning to make sure they were real police officers. we thought they were impersonating bc it was the middle of the night. the police said it was them

They will totally knock in the middle of the night without regard. When I lived in an apartment they rang the buzzer very late at night stating it was the police and they needed to get in so I let them in but didn't know why until the next day when my neighbor said she had gotten locked out in her PJs with her dog who needed to pee.

thats awful. i was so scared. i cried a lot and called my mom. im feeling better now. **** tha police!

That's good. They do bang on the door loud enough to wake the dead. It's a cop thing.

Well thank you, that's nice of you to say! This is one of my favorite places in the online world too hehe.

Thank you for your sympathy. It's a difficult diagnosis but hey I've already been living with it for years it just has a name now.

I enjoy reading also when I can, I haven't been able to as much since my illness set in but when I'm stable I do read quite a lot.

I've been writing poetry and short stories since I was a child, I have a couple of unfinished novels as well... I need to get those done sometime...

My day is going well, not nearly as sick as I was yesterday so that's a plus.

This Vyvanse is amazing at 3x the dose.. But that's abuse so never again. I was just checking because with 60mg. I still have been having the worst ADHD since the Concerta was stopped for Vyvanse. It's supposed to be for depression I think but it won't do anything to .. Glass windows.. K idk where that came from.. I'm walking in rooms not knowing why. Sometimes I remember other times I'm distracted.

I feel like doing school work. No leaving the school unless I'm screwed up like last time. If I have to stay on the Vyvanse, I don't mind in a sort of passive idgaf anymore state. My mom says that she's going to use her skills knowing about peoples rights ect basically a lawyer idk but she said that she'll get the Concerta back. I was taking 2 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. Worked perfect.

I don't think I'll give up. But it helps to say it and restart what I was thinking about. But yes, I'll drink gas from the gas station. Why did I think of that? I had to write it down because it changed topic subconsciously.

I'm still discovering things about my thoughts and behaviour even now. It's weird how you don't know something's not right unless someone tells you or you read it somewhere.

im prescribed 120 benzos

NP appt went well but she wants to think about putting me on buspar or effexor or both. idk. im concerned about my weight gain.

^I haven't heard many bad things about weight gain for those meds

thanks. although neither has anyone about haldol and i gained weight on haldol. my NP said buspar causes constipation tho and i already have a probablem with constipation.

i better do my research

thank you for your insight bluebird i appreciate it!

my class started today. it seems intense but i feel like i can do it. im off today...yay! i work 9 to 4 tomorrow. ill be on self checkout so it will be pretty easy. then after work im going with my friend to asheville for my sisters art show in a cafe. she does these really cool abstract art collages. so at least i have a good thing to look forward to after work!

im just gonna hang out here by myself today . i might start on the art project, or at least draw something to get inspired to be creative.

asheville sounds like a town in a pokemon game

I love the fairy town Laverre in X and Y

Stopped the Latuda and went back on risperdal on my own accord. I feel a lot more stable now and I'll have to call my pdoc some time next week about needing a new med or maybe just staying on risperdal and dealing with breast milk. idk.

Group tomorrow, haven't been in a couple of months. Actually looking forward to it, needed a break from it for awhile.

I have a fever or something. Keep getting hot flashes then chills.

Working night shift in an IT security job now, still fully awake after missing out on sleep two days in a row, though feeling a bit blurred and confused. 5 more hours to go...

i have group tomorrow too.