Roll call 80

Would be nice huh... hope things calm down a bit for you soon.

Got through to the number, said it was the office for some other doctor but I said what I had to & they said my p-doc isn't in today or tomorrow but they'll send him a message & see about moving my appointment up.

Guess I'll have to wait a bit longer!

At least you have your appointment moved up and that's good. Maybe you'll get some relief soon.

Yeah true!

I have plenty of good days... it's just I know that the anxiety is there under the surface still & days like today it rears it's head. I don't have much reason to be anxious right now, but what with college starting soon-ish, I will... so need to get it under control soon.

I can't rely on the diazepam I have. I think I have 4 left now out of the 15 I got in April. I don't want to get any more... whole idea was I'd be improving enough on SSRIs to manage without by now but seemingly not.

I don't think I'd be willing to go on benzo's because they can be addictive.

What all SSRIs have you tried? I'm on Paxil... but reading up online I hear bad things about Paxil when coming off of it.

I was really in dire straights when my GP prescribed me the diazepam. I've been careful to only use them infrequently though plus they are the lowest dose. There certainly can be a temptation to reach for them on a bad day tough even if you aren't actually addicted so yeah... right to be wary.

I was fortunate enough that Citalopram (Celexa) was the first I tried & it worked great a couple of years ago. I know it's not as straightforward for many people though, I just got lucky.

Guess these things don't always work as well a second time though.

I think largely speaking if you taper off SSRIs properly there aren't too many side effects coming off. I just had some increased anxiety for a few days last time I stopped having been on them for 10 months. I guess it probably is different for everyone though.

Are you thinking of coming off it soon or something?

Halsey - Gasoline

Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?
Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?
Just to pour that mother****er down the drain like me?
Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?

Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?
Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?
Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?
Saying that you shouldn't waste a pretty face like me?

And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there's a flaw in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won't leave me alone,

Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold,

Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
Do you call yourself a ****ing hurricane like me?
Pointing fingers cause you'll never take the blame like me?

And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there's a flaw in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won't leave me alone,

Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold.

I'm scared of myself right now... I am really scared of myself right now...

I love this song.

Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me? Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me? Saying that you shouldn't waste a pretty face like me? And all the people say "You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being."

I think there's a flaw in my code. These voices won't leave me alone. Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold.

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I haven't caught up on roll call. Why're you scared?

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I'm afraid I'm about to do something stupid.

Erti, you are a strong person to go through what you do & we all have weak days...

We are here for you today, so please don't do anything stupid & you'll have your strength back soon.



*edit* - not sure what's your thing... but since music has been mentioned... here is a DJ cat!

Today I got my drivers' licence (back). I drove all the way to the hospital to get my depot and back. Then we went to a pizza parlor. Great day so far

This verse gave me chills


"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,

You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,

With your face all made up, living on a screen,

Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

I'm afraid I'm about to do something stupid.

I, for some reason, had a panic attack the first time I heard this song.

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You're strong! We're all here. Just keep talking to us as a distraction. <3

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I'm trying... Talking to my sister now. I may or may not be having some good/bad news depending on how you look at it.

What do you mean?

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Well, she thinks she's pregnant. The pregnancy test was a faint positive. Shes also been getting morning sickness and such. I'm not to tell anyone. Since you all don't know me in real life I'm assuming it's safe to tell y'all.


Issue is... she's in no position to take care of ANOTHER kid. I worry about my niece she has already.

Oh boy. My sister had two kids before she was 18. She mainly pawns her kids off on people. My nephew is older but she didn't want a boy. So she favors my niece and is so mean to my nephew. We're trying to figure out how to get custody but no one will call cps.

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Well my sister is addicted to pain pills and has been putting my niece in dangerous situations.

that's not good. If she's addicted and pregnant, depending on much she takes, the baby can come out with opiate withdrawals. I hope she stops taking them if she is pregnant.

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