Roll call 80

Morning all. Yesterday I felt like I wasn't safe in my own home and now I feel very safe here. So I guess it was just all in my head. Weird.

Before Abilify, I used to be 20BMI in weight now I'm 23.4BMI

That's kinda weird

I didn't realize. I had a problem gaining weight but now it's the opposite.

What's next? Diabetes..

I gained a bit of weight on Abilify myself.

HI GUYS

i went to see my T and he really supported and encouraged me to go to this hiring event for a grocery chain. they start you out at $11/HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway, i decided beforehand that i most likely was NOT going to go out of my anxieties and fear. anyway, T was really helpful and i decided to go. i went and applied and talked to the dude. He said i will hear back on Friday. I am ambivalent about if i want it to work out or not (because i have a huge fear of CHANGE!!!!) but i am so proud of myself for going. T texted that he is proud of me too!!!!

now i get ready for work =P

It's hot. 95 ****ing degrees and the heat index is 107 just yeah no **** that. I want it to be autumn now lol.

Went to a mental health first aid course today. Felt pretty good to get up early and drive myself there. It was a bit boring and I already knew everything but it will look good on my cv. Today was about depression and suicide, tomorrow is about anxiety and psychosis. I have a feeling I'm guna be very uncomfortable hearing people talk about psychosis, sitting there knowing no one knows I have schizophrenia. Someone is guna say something to piss me off I just know it lol

We are getting that thursday and friday. Sucks.

Please don't ban me. I need support from you guys.

I cannot drop this weight. I've lost 7 lbs total and now I'm going back on zyprexa. I can't imagine having to eat less than I do now. I've even dusted off the treadmill. These a desperate times. I'm so frustrated.

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I feel like my dad is on my back. But he's not, he's home but he's in the other room. I don't know if he hurt me or if I'm just paranoid.

Why are you switching from latuda---I thought it worked well for you?

I hate to say it, but you have these losses of insight/delusions almost always after drinking alcohol. Is drinking alcohol that important to you, that it comes at the expense of having psychosis?

I may be changing pdocs-----they called and switched me to a place that was 20 minutes away by freeway----I can't drive there----it's possible I'll have to call a cab to get there or uber next month because its not much notice but hopefully I can switch to someone else at the hospital for my next appointments. I asked that my pdoc refer me to someone but we'll see if she calls me back or not.

That sounds very scary. Do you feel you can control yourself? If not you should probably go to the hospital.

If you switch I hope the new pdoc works out.

What are you talking about? I'm not a big drinker and haven't drank since Sunday, where I believe I had a glass of vodka and OJ. Before that it was like a week in between drinks. I go to the pub often but because I drive I can't drink.

Where did you get that out of?

The pattern over the last 2 plus years.

You said you wanted our input and that's mine. You take drugs, or drink, and then you lose insight.

I drink, yes, but I'm no way a hard drinker. Never have been, I go months without a drink, doesn't bother me. I also haven't taken any illegal drugs for >1.5 years. But like many here I engage in prescription drug abuse occasionally. But not recently. So thank you for your input and to clear things up, but you're wrong.

I truly don't mind your input, but despite what you said there, I didn't ask for it. I asked for support.

I have control, they've said to do it at the weekend. I see my psychiatrist before then, I'll talk to him and see what he says.

I want to help too. Tweaky can try..

Do you still hear voices? What med are you on? I haven't talked to you in a while.

The best thing is that you are not listening to the bastards. Where did you get XXX from?

They have no power over you at all. I don't believe they are real.

The chip in your head isn't real is what I believe. I hope that it helps that you at least have some reassurance.

No reassurance really just drives it up the wall for me but we still need to learn to handle it without reassurance which is hard af.

I finally went to a new pdoc. She spent over 30 minute telling me I /needed/ to believe in a God for my voices to go away. To go to different churches until I find the "right god" for me. And that if I believed and asked every day, that the God I chose would make them just stop one day. And then spent the last 20 minutes not believing me after I told her I took all the antipsychotics she listed and how I refused clozaril.

....... I don't spent 30 minutes trying to convince people to not believe in a God or they'll get schizophrenia or some ****. I can't believe she's a doctor.

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Deleted. I'm out.

Yeah the voices are part of a powerful organisation, by doing what they say I will also become part of that organisation, right now I'm just an Óglaigh, a volunteer. I am on 250mg of Clopixol IM every 3 weeks. But I stopped taking it for a while and it apparently hasn't kicked back in yet, so the doctors say. The XXX's are just blocking out the names of the organisations.

I believe they are very real and my parents, those traitors, are working against us. A unified country is what we strive for. They have to go.

Try not stoop to my level when I'm manic. It's not a good place to be.