Roll call 80

Please don't give up. I know it's hard but giving up will only make things worse for you.

drugs are amazing but the consequences of using them arent

Ah man I love drugs! But the fact is, stimulants and amphetamines cause psychosis in people vulnerable, deplete serotonin and make you feel miserable. No one is immune from the miserable fatigued part of stimulants. Also, doctors over prescribe and fire prescription drugs down people's throats. Just because they're prescribed doesn't mean they're not causing you problems.

The fact you have schizophrenia and are on stimulants makes me question your doctors competency.

But either way, I do love drugs and would take them sooooo much more if I could get away with it. Unfortunately I have a very nice fiancee with a very watchful eye who will flat out leave me if he finds out I'm doing drugs. Just not worth it.

Is there any non drug kinds of things that make you sleepy? Warm milk? Playing an exerting game like tennis?

MoGhileMear...

CHICKENFOOT! HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHI!

Tweaky, if you don't mind me asking, and I'm genuinely curious: I always thought ADHD was hyperactivity and or inattentiveness. How does your ADHD affect you? I had ADHD as a kid and it literally meant I could not sit still for 5 minutes to talk to someone and usually sat outside the class, eventually I was kicked out of school altogether because it was treated as a problem to the teachers as opposed to a mental illness. Concerta would calm me down, without it I was so full of energy. You seem to be the opposite? I'm not sure how it works, that's just my experience. I've heard there's different forms of ADHD.

Hi Erti!!!

'Tis I, CHICKENFOOT 2.0... better, faster, stronger!!!

Flash Dance!!!!!

Yes, Waffles sound good right about now xD

Concerta stops my mind from the static energy going inside my head and the thoughts slow down.

The more stimulants I take, (Staggering lethal doses not recorded), I get sedated.

It wakes me up but not enough to be worth taking anymore.

It just pisses me off that I need it for ADHD.

I think giving up is the best thing to do so i can move on and accept the fact that I'll never get better unless someone finds a cure.

You sound so discouraged. I wish I could help.

I've had people give up on me that hurts but giving up on yourself hurts even more. When you give up on yourself you give up on life and what it has to offer. There's beauty in this world that's worth living for. You gotta find something worth fighting for.

Halsey - Gasoline

Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?
Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?
Just to pour that mother****er down the drain like me?
Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?

Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?
Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?
Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?
Saying that you shouldn't waste a pretty face like me?

And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there's a flaw in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won't leave me alone,

Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold,

Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
Do you call yourself a ****ing hurricane like me?
Pointing fingers cause you'll never take the blame like me?

And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there's a flaw in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won't leave me alone,

Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold.

I have akathisia in my core. It's really horrible. It's because of the crap the neighbors keep pulling. I don't know what to do.

Can dopaminergic stimulants help with hyperactivity associated with akathesia? I don't know if ADHD has gotten worse but it works. It makes sense because antipsychotics are antidopaminergics.

I took the last of my weeks supply of it for my last day of my holidays. I was pissed that I was so tired and couldn't enjoy time with my family. I'm going to be tired for the next few days and complaining but I think I'm cured. It's always like this and I have enough experience to say yknow what.. I'm going to say that I'm not cured and I will be tired again.

But I believe I'm fine now. I'm awake, my mind is back because I'm focused and I learned that..

I'm exhausted and tired because I'm severely unmotivated which is a result of schizophrenia and ADHD.

When it wears off, I forget that it ever happened but this is the first time I will write this in detail so I can look back and see proof that there is hope. Imagine that.

@Chickenfoot, I hope that explains it. It calms my mind down but wakes me up. I can sleep on it though. Not many people can. I believe everyone has ADHD but some have it more severe and people have different brain neurochemistry.

My dad had a good talk with me...

He said don't worry about the drugs and talk about your future to the treatment team. I will do this. He has opened my mind a little.

He's wealthy but I wanted him to retire a long time ago and then I got it stuck in my mind that he should keep every penny because that's how my mind works.

If they stop my disability, he will pay. I don't want that but I'm less uncomfortable with that.

Morning.

Lovely day. Forecast: Anxiety with occasional voices. I just love how even when things seem to be going well you can still wake up to a **** morning.

Oh well. Going to call my p-doc today. Although my mood is much better, I really don't think the Citalopram is doing huge amounts for my anxiety, which in turn lowers my resilience to the voices etc.

When I saw him last I said even though it wasn't helping as much as before, I thought it had taken the edge off & things would start going the right way themselves but I don't think they are. Just got a tad too much anxiety to move forwards using what I've learnt from therapy. Plus I am horribly forgetful at the moment as well as sleep being a bit off.

Overall, thinking I might need to change SSRI. Guess we'll see what he says.

I'm looking up my old deleted anonymous accounts on Google to see what I was saying before my main hospitalization.

I've been listening to a lot of rap lately.

I'm gonna try and see later if I can put some good words together.

Hope all goes well. Sorry for the high anxiety and voices...

What kind of rap? Anything in particular?

I'm not entirely sure, but I know that RLS/akathisia is thought to be partially attributed to low dopaime levels, hence why antipsychotics can cause problems with it.

It can be treated with dopamine agonists, but I have a feeling although the likes of adderal increase dopamine... that stimulants themselves generally aren't good for restlessness.

"Strange Music" like Tech N9ne, Prozak and Bizzare.

I'm going to start of with something depressing and then liven it up. I've never heard of anything like that before.

Thanks.

Just a combination that makes it hard to relax. I called the number I have but no-one answered. It's like a number for an office rather than my p-docs direct line. Will have to try again later.

Ah, I looked up Prozak and surprisingly the first song I'm listening I can relate to right now. lol The irony.

Yeah... I don't have a direct line to my Pdocs number either. I haven't even met my new Pdoc yet ^_^;;; Days like this I wish I could call someone and they'd do something about these ****in' voices. They've been telling me god has sent someone to torture and kill me.

Would be nice huh... hope things calm down a bit for you soon.

Got through to the number, said it was the office for some other doctor but I said what I had to & they said my p-doc isn't in today or tomorrow but they'll send him a message & see about moving my appointment up.

Guess I'll have to wait a bit longer!