Roll Call 142!

funny. i had a hard time finding therapy like i wanted through my mental health center.

I had a dream about my mom last night. We were on some kind of beach and I found a really pretty rock/stone thing. It was some kind of crystal looking thing and I gave it to her for a gift and she was happy about it

So I do have a good bit of news to share;

After cutting out lactose for however long its been (1-2 months, maybe?), I am doing so much better with my stomach. Since then I have gotten lactose enzyme tablets to take with food having lactose. Working very well so far. I am so relieved that my stomach is treating me much better.

That's good news Finding!

I'm kinda hungover this morning, blah

Going to the post office at 3:30 to get keys for my mailbox since I lost my old ones

Just ate a few dry cheerios to tide me over till lunchtime. Hungry today. Probably the AP med.

been having anxiety lately. if I can't see an apparent cause for the anxiety I begin to dread that something horrible will happen and that my feelings of uneasiness are sign to be prepared for whatever. but that makes me have even more anxiery. and then we add in the magical thinking game my brain loves and it just g3ts so confusing

but anyway here's sum fries

fRY PLATTER

come get y'all fries!!!

MMM looks good

Yeah! I can tell by the alerts on my phone that my Amazon package(s) got delivered! Two new books to read. Now if only I had the energy and concentration to read. Focus, focus, focus. Kit

i'm jealous junk, I want some fries. lol maybe I'll get some next time I go shopping

Awesome! I get so excited when amazon packages arrive, especially new books. I love to read, but struggle with concentrating also. However, I've been trying to improve it. I hope you enjoy them

My appointments went well today

Bf has been stuck in traffic for 2 hours

Wow...that kale soup was awesome! Definitely saving that recipe. We all ate 2 bowls lol.
Tomorrow I’m having lemony lentils with kale. I have a bunch to use up.
I’m tired of making food. It seems like it’s all I think about.
I’m very tired today, runny nose, beginnings of a cough...going to try to sleep it off tonight. Shooting for a 9:15 bedtime.

Maybe 9:30 is more realistic. My husband is still in the shower.
Hope he hurries.

I went onto a depression chat and the things that I say were too inspirational for me to really believe. But someone said she wished she could think like me. That isn't like me. Usually I'm too down on myself and think that I am a problem in society and for people in general. Like I'm completely flawed. I know I'm a loser but I'm doing my best to not be one in the future.

But I'm thinking clearly now. I have things that I need to work on but I wouldn't consider it as depression but more a spiritual type of depression. Depression is still needed for me to grow. It's an evolutionary process in order to get the mind through struggle in environment. It is still a chemical imbalance. But it's not like taking someone with depression and isolating them without relationship problems and life problems is going to prove a chemical imbalance because they'll still be depressed without those things.. It's a paradox. The pharmaceutical companies use one side to their advantage.

I still don't take what I'm saying seriously because people have different opinions and they could be better, not right. There's different types of "right" too so..

Things I was saying were like.. "It seems like a girlfriend or boyfriend is a huuuuge reason why a lot of people here are depressed" and to try being independent from a "lover" for a bit and then they'll see the true reasons of depression. Money, school, family, contemplating life's existence, work, spiritual transformation of the human mind, natures devastation, the world economy, cruelty, sociopaths, war, hate, people with low IQ, getting out of bed when you want to die, the future and the past..

I used to think of my life being wasted but now I have the mindset that it's never too late. You can still be 50 and finally find your passion for something in life and work on it. It's just the illusion of free will..

The night before my injection, right before I see my therapist, I have a really really deep conversation online with someone that just smoked



Not good.. but I'm grounded.. I'm grounded..

But interesting. I told her that I'd rather take the injection. She said she knows 4 people with schizophrenia and some of them smoked it. I said I'd rather die this way.

To die not knowing the truth. We talked about the truth. But now I will sleep. If I can..

Real psychosis is delusions that don't make sense. Not delusions that have a possibility of being real. That's my take on it. Even though what I took away was "Everything possible is true" on my weed experience..

I am you, you are me, and we are everywhere.

I'm sorry if I'm spooking anyone I don't mean to be. The least of my worries are being locked up in an institution for the rest of my life.. well not really.. I saw a woman in the paych ward that was there for over 50 years..

That's what happens when the antipsychotics don't work. So take them. The journey is below with the animal kingdom.. not with the aliens.. the aliens are bad people.. they don't care about us and they know we exist.. but why would they care? In their minds.. not ours..

perhaps you should take your meds and be careful when smoking dmt?

Oof. Took a tumble down a set of concrete stairs due to snow and ice. I think I hurt my back and knees in one go. I'm gonna feel this one later on. >.>