Roll Call 144

it is coming up on tornado season... stay safe everyone in the tornado belt.

hows yous?

I'm ok. Every little while I ask myself what I want, so I can see whether there's anything I can do for myself. I have such bad social anxiety though. I have a new chance every day to practice, but I don't. How are you?

It's Sunny here, but windy. Not tornado windy, just windy.

My boss asked me if I had made the credit card payment while she was out. I was like, yeah, did you think I would forget to make such an important payment? Her: No. Me asking a question is not me questioning you. Me: Huh? (And a little irritated).

i'm hyper as fuuuuuck... thing is i think im taking too much paxil but i'm getting decent sleep. thing is i've been chatting with people all day and bugging them lmao. Loial for example i've talked to him basically all day the last couple of day. he's a cool guy tho... same with findingreason. she streamed a video game for me and we talked over discord doing video call.

I took a quick 10 minute walk on my break to get some sun and to hopefully clear my head. It didn't really work. I was in loafers so it wasn't a great walk but at least I got some vitamin D from the sun. HUGS Kit

i'm probably vitamin d deficient because i don't go outside all that much... i probably need to burn off this energy but all i wanna do is talk to people.

Yeah my rheumatologist was always going on about me being low on Vitamin D. I had to take prescription Vitamin D for a while. Then I just stopped seeing the rheumatologist because he wasn't doing anything for me anyway besides whining about my Vitamin D. He was supposed to be treating my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. HUGS Kit

lol fibromyalgia sounds like a pain literally. i can only imagine being in pain 24/7 and it not showing anything wrong.

Nice!

Idk why but i agree

Yeah I hate having fibromyalgia. Half of the doctors don't believe in it, the other half don't seem to know how to treat it, and Lyrica increased my hallucinations. I just gave up and just suck it up and live with it. HUGS Kit.

oh my god oh my god oh my god.

hi



ok don't know what to talk about. drugs are good. drugs are good drugs are good.

i know it's real... sometimes people fake it but i've known people who really have it. not sure what lyrica does but does it give you some sort of high? i remember a girl in the psych ward with it and she was given lyrica and she seemed high as ****

I'm not sure if Lyrica made me high. I took it a couple of times at night and I felt like I was absolutely losing my mind. I called the doctor and asked to stop taking it.

oh i see. do they have other medicine for fibromyalgia

Robaxin can be used for Fibromyalgia which is a muscle relaxant I believe, but it gave me serious bad vertigo and I couldn't drive. I don't know if there is any other meds. Those were the only two the doctor offered and the only two I tried.

oh that sucks. does pain killers help with fibromalgia?

Yeah, Codeine seems to help the fibromyalgia pain but when it wears off I'm like f***

they probably don't want you to get addicted to opiates so they stay clear of pain medication

My mental health is very good. The world annoys me though. But things there is I can't change. Many things about myself that I can change. People will judge me for not doing the right things like knowing what I want to do for my future, not wanting a relationship, getting high.. But I will learn from these things one day. Everything I'm doing, all the memories I will regret or cherish and I will be a better person. I will chose the people I hang around with, some will pull me in. Some will leave me to my own confusion. Sadness, recklessness, love for things, cynicalism, wanting to change the world.. the list goes on forever.. I'm a person like anyone else and I try to understand everything in this reality but it takes time.. I need to pay attention to other people and what they do.. but most things I think "why?" Are they government controlled? Why do people form groups and fight other groups? Natural instinct.. We're just living and no one is paying attention as someone with mental illness.. don't think.. just work and have kids.. think nothing about the weird thoughts.. but the weird thoughts are the key to fixing and becoming aware.. all those mundane things that people hold onto.. a spark comes into their lives when they see something great, feel it.. hold onto a belief.. all the risks that make people die like car crashes.. we still continue to drive, drive drunk.. because what? What's the worst that could happen when we make any decision? We make so many decisions and block so much of what we should know out that we're lost in a cloud...

welp i just heard thunder. nice. i love storms!!

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be like my aunt who had a rare bone disease that caused lots of tumors. But she kept having to take more and more pain medication and ended up addicted. So I just have to live with the pain. The doctors say exercise is supposed to help the fibromyalgia pain but I've never found that to be true. When I exercise I'm still in pain. Maybe I'm not getting enough endorphins or something.

I just read over whatever I wrote in that last post. I find anthropology hard because it's based on learning concepts about people.. But I'm more about consciousness.. That's why I don't like talking about history or world events in the news.. I want to know deeper than what regular people think.. not just arguing about measles shots. Like I don't consider myself to care about opposing opinions based on government propaganda.. especially the kavanah thing.... that took up all the news.. I cared 0% about that.. but everyone was so tuned in..

That seems really creepy to me.. It's like I'm not tuned into the fake reality.. I said that heroin injection sites are good but that's about it..

I want to take philosophy instead and just talk and talk for a never ending curving around and into the meaningful things that people don't realize... vegetating on news media.. free will doesn't exist for most of the population.. they are controlled and brainwashed and it seems like just a play, a set where they have a certain list of things they need to do in life.. but what is life? Plants, animals.. but life as I mean that "I have no life". Well you're alive right? Make the connections of what is it of why you exist.. shut off for years then have a relationship crisis and go "Omg this is so terrible" But what really is terrible? It wouldn't have been terrible if you we're so plugged into societies expectations of what you should do and the products that you are advertised to consume.. the brainwashing of that is known.. but people double percept and go along with what ever is fun.. fun or saving money? Living simple because I know what depression is.. but it's a depression for a reason... because I knew about the system.. what's the point? We all know the 1% are at the top so I'm an anarchist, except i don't care to do anything just like how someone is overweight but doesn't care to do anything about it. It's not content.

What I want is complete content in ratio to the small problems that I can overcome for my own self to push forward.