Roll Call 144

Idk about my nonsense rants. I'm not going to read over them. It is what is is.

Trying to find good songs to listen to. I love music. I want to quit school and be a musician. Or go to school for music.

Life is good when you see the possibilities or everything. I want to take a nap or meditate.

I think I'll meditate again.

when you facebook stalk someone and accidentally send a friends request... oof

I want a better life. So I have to make choices. But I don't know because there's so many choices. Everyone faces this problem.

A teacher told me today that her children went to school without knowing what to study. One of them majored in psychology and is taking a break now because it's hard to find a job.

Careers so many.. Why do I type in English where I use German and French positions of words? When I do my anthropology assignments, my teacher said she highlighted which is hard to understand.. But I understand.. Does that mean I can't do academics because my research would be too complex or not complex enough? Opposite this opposite that.. The paradox is all we are.. male female, white black, up down, left right, cold hot, pink blue, yes no, atheism theism, wrong right, broken fixed, sad happy, gay straight, materialism spirituality, liberty oppression.. etc etc etc..

It's all the same bending curving to many answers or one question.. there's the complexity in things.. multiple perspectives... agree disagree, and of course, maybe.. "I don't know" because I "Haven't decided" which can be valid.. in between is the third one.. in religions there's a holy trinity, spirit, father, son..

People try to make sense of things and their mental illness but it's just confusion.. psychiatrists are confused.. medicate with drugs that do the opposite of each other.. Life and death.. the third is the afterlife.. the opposite of that is blackness.. no afterlife.. then it continues.. sleep then wake up.. go back to sleep again.. dream while asleep.. Dreams are nonsense.. but they teach you things out of that nonsense.. and that’s what life is.. chaos and order however you feel about it based on a certain situation..

Can't remember what time I went to sleep. By 10 I think. Woke up a little before 4am. Will be up for the rest of the day

Exhausted now. How is everyone?

pretty good. i video chatted with findingreason on facebook. you?

Cool I'm good. Just making some coffee

what a coincidence finding left me for her bitter *** coffee. I"m all alooooone... someone save me...

Yes I went to bed around 9:30 work up to use the facilities at 6am now I’m just awake but that’s at least 8 hrs so I’m ok. Seriously though wonder if daylight savings is affecting my mood.

I should make tea.

How much did you sleep Erti?

about 4 hours.

Hope you're able to adjust to the time change

I don't think it's affected me, it used to but my sleep schedule was so bizarre and erratic for around a year it never made much of a difference. I got at least 8 hours every night since Monday except last night. but I'm adjusting to a new med and increase in another one so who knows.

Spring and summer are difficult times for me. First I love cold weather, hate the heat. But the big thing are tons of people out walking around when the weather is nice which makes me very paranoid whenever I'm walking anywhere outside. I prefer walking around in the autumn and winter since not many people are out due to the snow and temps.

That's also why I try to do grocery shopping at like 5 in the morning because the grocery store is basically empty

it's much safer to do groceries in the day time because at night that's when the freaks come out ha

Sounds like you’re officially heading into hypo or mania even.....I would call the pdoc, ssris can trigger this if your mood stabilizer isn’t enough but she may also want to cut the dose of your ssri.

lol i'll probably crash later on this morning which is what i've been doing. i've been sleeping in 2 hour increments... i got up a couple times last night. i'll probably sleep the remainder of my 8 hours later on today. who knows i may be hypo. i don't think i'm manic. at least not like when i stopped taking my meds when i was taking haldol.

Hate waiting

whatcha waiting on? did i miss something?

Mania vs. Hypomania: Learn the Differences & Similarities

You definitely have some kind of pressured speech whether its hypo or mania.....

Nope, just waiting on something to come in the mail, should be here today. It's always hard for me to focus on other things while I'm waiting for something, I need to go shopping and get some new clothes later, it's some money from my sister. She can't stop by this weekend because she'll be at some meeting or something for work so she mailed me a gift card

lol how do you know i have pressured speech? what is pressured speech...

I've only had that a couple times. The worst was when I was on Lexapro. It's kind of hard to describe, it feels like something is keeping you talking, like physically it's hard to even stop. My mom was like wtf cause I was hyper as hell and just kept going on and on, it's really fast speaking and hard to control

ah. i have a friend who sent me a birthday gift in the mail... some cookies and slippers and plushy heart and some spicy fruit by the foot... it was nice of her. i waited impatiently

oh i see... makes sense. I was talking a lot to my mom and being chatty with her and suddenly i said my mouth hurts and she was like "it's because you're talking a lot."