Roll Call 173

Please be careful. I was on Xanax for a long time and I wasn’t weaned off the right way. I was cut off cold turkey. And I went through some serious withdrawals where my anxiety was so bad that I didn’t eat for 2 weeks. The whole thing lasted a month, but I wasn’t myself until 3 months later.

I use alprazolam strictly for dp/dr panic attacks only.

It's been about a week? Since my last panic attack.. Idk. I'm not benzo dependent anymore though.

Newtus cold turkeyed 2mg a day.. Which is borderline seizure withdrawal dose..

Yikes. Yeah I actually decided to stay on it for now. The Xanax.

making french fries

10 is not a ton. Glad it helps.

I haven't had psychosis since I started taking 5mg every night around 2-3 months ago. Helps me sleep too.

Withdrawal?

No, I just need to keep things the same until I see the pdoc I think... I shouldn’t be going off of Xanax on my own either. And it seems to help with the anxiety.

Morning

I’m gonna try to get out and go for a little walk today. I’m sure I’ll fall asleep soon after my meds but I’m gonna try to walk anyway.

I wrote an open letter to my mom an hour ago. But I will never send it. I need to write something else too for my blog but idk what to write.

I’m not starting school til October. So that sucks. But maybe for the best idk. Who knows.

Feeling sad past few days. More like lonely. I feel so incredibly alone lately. Still dealing with a low grade depression. It might be the metformin but I know for sure, if anything, it’s issues I’m having with life right now.

Gosh...

Walks are good! I actually haven't left the house in like two days, but I might go outside for a walk today.

Hugs!!!!

We slept. Plowing through papers.. Super fun!!

Appointment with my therapist went well. We talked about how I'm getting out more for walks and whatnot and trying to eat healthier. Also about the depressed cycle I went through for a week and how I'm doing good now. There's a new group at the clinic specifically for eating disorders so she recommended that to me because of the bulimia relapse. So she emailed the person there that runs the group and they're gonna contact me. It meets on Mondays at 11. I think that will be something good to have more support because I kept slipping back into eating disorder behaviors for awhile but not admitting it to myself.

One of my library requests came in today. I just went and picked it up. They just have desks at the doors of the library you can go to without actually going in to give the person your library card, they'll go inside scan it and pickup any of your requests you submitted online then bring them to you. Super easy.

Can't wait till next month when I get Maybelle. It will be so nice to have a cat again, I hope she adjusts well.

My last panic attack was 6 days ago

Have a headache and feel shaky. Maybe from tapering off the thorazine.

Okay, I feel really bizarre right now. I'm going back to my original dose tonight.

felt a rush of anxiety, went away after a walk. weird

Vyvanse, coffee and nicotine feeling nice

Just finished up with my psychologist.

Pretty much don’t pull my hair, do practice self care, do acknowledge my stressors, good luck on my meeting, and I need to shower more.

But she was very nice about it. Had a good chat.

I made a joke that next time we should talk about something fun like intrusive thoughts and she marked it down, so I guess I’m having that conversation next time. I mean they’re not bad and they don’t interfere with my life, but damn they can be annoying sometimes.

Exercise is sooo pertinent!

It's my #1 most used coping skill for anxety. I always go on walks

That’s so good falcs! So proud of you!!!

I shared this on snap but thought I’d share it with people who aren’t on there.

This is from one of the books I’m reading, currently.

@newtus it's a small world because I saw your picture and thing about you on the "students with psychosis"... that's pretty cool. Congrats for spreading out and becoming noticed with doing good for yourself with schizophrenia... lol didn't expect to see your picture to pop up on my news feed. No hate... a little jelly... but I just got out the hospital and needing to work on myself.