Roll Call 173

Take it and get in your bed!!!

So sad. I don’t think I’m getting the LWA.

I can’t wait to start using my Legend planner tomorrow. Writing out all my goals and whatnot 😃

With 10mg I notice an antidepressant effect but I smoked weed too so feeling kind of foggy. The Vyvanse will wear off soon.

Right now I feel like sleeping cuz of work but too early.

in a weird mood

Ugh the day has ended and I worked.. That's all I did. I'm too tired to do anything else.

I don't watch TV, I'm too tired to research things, don't want a gf/bf.. What is the point of my life!

No jk I'll figure it out.

The weed gave me a bit of derealization so I had to take a benzo.

It's hard living like this. It's torture.

I dislike my job half of the time but it brings structure, and I believe it forces me to fix my symptoms as soon as possible, because a missed day of sleep, akathasia, memory issues, weightgain, are each symptoms that make work more difficult. So, as I'm thrown into work, I'm also take greater care of my mental health.

I am extremely bored. Wanting to leave the country today. I wanna go back to where I was in Argentina.

Woke up - Going to work.

I woke up in sleep paralysis - I thought that I would be late for work but it only lasted about 15 minutes.

first night using ambien. Its okay... I'm not 100% well rested, maybe 75% though. When I picked it up at the pharmacy the pharmacist asked if I tried meditating. I wanted to ask her if she ever tried chewing gum and walking at the same time. lol

Nice, i didn't know latuda waas generic for 9 months now!

I take that back. I'm looking at goodRx and its still over $1k. TOtal rip off.

Maybe it's time to try something different than geodon. As I am right now, I still get akathasia if I don't have a protein shake, but I feel restless right now, my legs always feel a bit that way no matter what, it's just that the protein shakes help it 90%. Maybe going on latuda will get rid of it completely, and maybe--just maybe, I'll get some more emotion if it's the geodon that is blocking too much dopamine in the first place.

Here’s a pic of some of the ingredients in the vegetable shrimp pasta salad I made today. There’s also tri colored rotini and ranch in it but that’s not pictured

I think im gonna take this day to read.

I need to finish Jobs book plus start on others.

Just had 72 new cases in one day here. How can they justify sending us back into the office tomorrow. I’m so annoyed by it all.

My psych says to practice more self care and try to remain low stress but ******* it’s hard.

I'm always rocking, constantly fidgeting and shaking my legs, scratching and touching things and have a song stuck in my head often. It's been that way since I was a kid.

I'm not sure if I have akathisia though cuz I remember having it when I was taking risperidone to knock me out (Never do this) and once took 8mg and the akathisia was soooo bad.. It felt like literal HELL. I've been in hell for different things many times.. And that was one of the strongest hells.

It would be nice to take a Cogentin again and see what it's like. But so far I'm focusing mainly on mindfulness at this point to see if I can overcome my impulsivity, rushing things, addiction, obsessions, compulsions, etc..

This is my cat in relation to a medium sized box. Everyone tells me my cat is real small, when they see her, but I don’t see it.

Had an extremely bad panic attack with lots of dissociation. Klonopin and some ice cream seems to have helped

Definitely add that prescription of klonopin and ice cream to your anti-anxiety regimen box!

think i forgot clozaril this morning

Yes I certainly will

The hand sanitizer and hand soap 🧼

I took an extra Vyvanse cuz I didn't want it to wear off after working. My mom can get up earlier than me and work all day then go for a hike (She wants me to go for a hike now and I want to go) but I get exhausted.

I told my sister that I was exhausted from work and she said something like "Yeah well now you know what it feels like to work like a normal person".

**** sake. I can't do anything right. I'm always exhausted and have no idea what I'm doing.



I'm on a long acting stimulant - That's what I get. And if I ask for a short acting one where I can control the dose, I look like a drug seeker because I switched stimulants too many times.

The stimulant never lasts long enough or is at the dose I want so I abuse it and then it gets taken away and then given back again.

This is abuse of my mental health.

I'm just going to tell my doctor to stop prescribing it. I don't know what the withdrawal is like because I've taken it every day for 2+ years so I don't know and don't care.