Roll Call 173

HUGS @newtus

Ugh hypo and racing thoughts

No one should be complaining about you when you’re having med changes. Don’t blame yourself. If they’re not understanding it’s on them for being inconsiderate.

Sounds like you’re doing well I just got a new yoga mat too. It gives a new motivation.

The people that don’t seem to understand is my mom, and sometimes my fiancé but he’s getting better at understanding lately. He sees me up all night and the stress I deal with visibly on my face.

Otherwise I’m really just projecting onto people what they think of me. Logically. But it just feels like it’s that way because of peoples past things theyve said to me. Like my mom.

Hmm have you talked about your mom with your therapist? From what I see you keep wanting her to show you love in your love language, while she shows it with her own way. I have a tendency to seek for approval myself, it’s something that we need to fix from within.

I'm definitely feeling more depressed now. I feel darkness behind my eyes and I'm definitely struggling. It feels like trying to breathe underwater. I go from feeling okay to feeling not okay pretty quick at times. I am wondering if I need to go to the hospital. I'm trying to decide. I don't want to go though.

Yes I have. While my mom does have her own love Language she can also be very mean to me. Oh well.

I have no money to pay my therapist right now anyway. I gotta pay last session and today, even tho I missed today. And she’s wondering if I wanna see her next week but idk.

I hope you feel better soon When's the last time you talked to your T or Pdoc? Maybe they have some ideas of what can help

My next grocery trip will be Friday. I just need to get a few more things. Including Tilapia filets

I saw my T on the 8th and I'm scheduled to see her this Saturday. I think I talked to my Pdoc in July? So I won't talk to him again until October. I will probably be okay but I just don't feel okay in the moment.

I'm excited. I already have most of September's grocery trips planned out. lol Food is the best!

Hallucinations and delusions suck.

UGH. I contacted a friend to have her help me with how I'm feeling, which is bad, depressed etc. And she was like, maybe it's the weather. ???? Not sure how that was helpful. I want to be like, no I'm pretty sure that's not it. But I don't want to be rude.

If you feel like you can be honest with this friend, then I would try to explain that it’s not just the weather. It’s good to have supportive people. Lots of people don’t get it. But those who do should be cherished for sure.

Thanks @WastingAsparagus

All of a sudden I don’t have the energy to do anything. Not physically but mentally. I feel blocked, mentally. I’m just sitting here. Waiting for the next dopamine ping aka phone noti.

Amelia....my baby.

Thanks @WastingAsparagus. I texted my friend back and said I didn't think it was the weather but I explained some more how I was feeling. We'll see. It's also hard on text. I might try calling her after we are both off of work.

I keep putting off going to the dentist but I'm gonna call next week (I'm busy this week) and set up an appointment to begin getting the rest of my fillings taken care of.

So sorry to whine again. I'm just not feeling well. At least I am almost off of work. I can go home and curl up in bed and hopefully shut out these thoughts and stuff. I feel miserable.

Texting is super hard, I agree. Yeah maybe if you feel up to it, calling her might be better. Also, sometimes for me, focusing too much on how I am feeling can make my mood get even worse. So I find something to distract myself and laugh or do something completely different. I find that helps most of the time.

I do understand though, that sometimes the feelings can be overwhelming.

Oh also, I found something I really like doing lately. For every hour you spend working or doing something difficult, you should spend an equal amount of time on self-care. I mean sometimes that's not always possible, but I like the idea of doing things to be good to myself during the hours when I don't have difficult things to do. Just food for thought...

Was feeling apathetic but still ok. I thought about taking a 750mg capsule of phenibut but fear of dp/dr stopped me from doing it - Also, I didn't want to do it because I was ok. My mom noticed that I wasn't having fun because she was being bossy and rushing everything.

We were driving to the lake (Mountain beach with sand) and I was staring out the window imagining myself



But they're just thoughts.. I actually had a really really good time! I suntanned and then took the float tube to the top of the river and floated down past everyone enjoying themselves for like 20 minutes.. Everyone was watching me float down stream..

I was having OCD thoughts but walking down the beach and putting my feet in the water was meditative and calming. It was a hot day with not much clouds - It was like being in Mexico.

Now we're gonna have hamburgers and greek salad =]

Mine was way past my waist but it was cut a few weeks ago when they had to untangle some matted hair. I'm ok with it.