Roll Call 174

Decided to not go inpatient....still feel horrible though

No I haven't since I wasn't allowed to have guests for awhile due to covid. But I have had my apartment inspected and they said it's in excellent condition. I do plan on having my sister over soon since I'm allowed to have guests again

Saw u bb, on switch early this morning.

It all started with my mom offering to buy me tires. I told that story yesterday. Mind you, I didn’t have my AP for 1 day. Yesterday. I cried from 5am (when I woke up) to 1am (when I went to sleep) about the whole situation. Which she kept changing the story of what she was actually offering me. Asked me to get my dad involved by asking him to pay for 2 tires. Then my dad backed out because of their history together and the tires are expensive cuz I have a muscle car. (But it’s paid for and in great condition. So I am not selling it). Then I ended up backing out the whole deal. She kept calling me tho, afterwards a few times. Which I didn’t answer but once to say I no longer want her help. (She said some very nasty things about my dad which tipped everything off for me around 9am yesterday.

I ended up transferring my sadness subconsciously to issues in dealing with, with Fiancé. I cried about that and cried to my friend on the phone about my mom and my relationship.

Fiancé had to catch me by the ear (not physically) and tell me that everytime I get involved with my moms issues/efforts, that i get in a bad place. He said I was doing fine this past week til she roped herself into my issues.

Fiancé and I talked and talked and talked. He gave me a sort of pep talk with tough love. So did my old pss when this situation initially started 3 days ago (she seems to know my mom very well and how she does things. So she catches my moms bs early on).

Everyone that knows my mom, don’t like her. Even some cousins of mine on her side of the family. Even my own grandma has told my dad (when they got together) to watch out for my mom cuz she’s crazy-acting and wild.

The Endometriosis has been messing up with my hormones/mood. I get depressed and irritated easily. Everyone told me to get the surgery done. But we’re talking about a crowded capital city with the highest Covid positive cases here. I’m not being irrational by avoiding to stay in a hospital.

4 more months and my debt will be paid off completely (it's down to $643) and I can start taking classes again at my college

This was a very rough day. I can't tell you all about it because it's too inappropriate. And identifying.

I put my batteries in the charger when the smoking was done and yay, it got charged!

There was a bizarre incident I can't tell you, and I think that guy went to lengths to avoid me the rest of the day. So strange. I'm hopeless socially so there's no real danger of anything happening.

I should go to sleep already but my brain just doesn't want to rest.

I’m literally so close to asking my mom to buy me ramen. Or some food. But I will not.

Are there food pantries near you?

Yes I think there is but I’m having car issues and my license is not updated nor renewed. Which I guess I need to have my current address for the food pantries.

I'm sorry, I hope you're able to figure something out could your dad help maybe?

Yea probably but he’s working and doesn’t live real close. Gosh my mom is literally down the street from me at the rental house grilling hot dogs and sending me videos. She doesn’t know that I don’t have much food tho.

I would tell her and see if she can get you some food, it's unpleasant when there's hardly anything to eat in the house

Yes I think there is but I’m having car issues and my license is not updated nor renewed. Which I guess I need to have my current address for the food pantries.